Venting I don't understand how this works

[traumer]

Everytime I want something from my mother she always jugdes and insults every decision I made my entire life but ends up doing it after all. If you were about to do it why did you feel the need to make me feel shitty like this? I really don't understand it why is she treating me like an enemy and not a daughter of hers? It would be more clear if she never done anything I wanted and neglected me but she doesn't so I can't understand if she is abusive or not. I mean my needs are fulfilled but I'm being used as an insult machine in return. My brain is not capable of understanding this type of action.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Sounds like emotional abuse. Here's some more info on the different types of emotional abuse.

Types of Emotional Abuse by Parents

These are some of the types of emotional abuse children may experience from their parents:6​

• Constantly criticizing the child
• Blaming the child for adult problems
• Rejecting the child repeatedly
• Dismissing the child's feelings
• Deliberately causing the child emotional pain
• Ridiculing the child or mocking them
• Humiliating or publicly shaming the child
• Talking down to the child
• Calling the child names
• Getting angry at the child often
• Yelling or swearing at the child
• Threatening to abandon the child
• Threatening to harm the child or their family members, friends, or pets
• Intimidating or scaring the child
• Coercing or manipulating the child
• Gaslighting the child
• Frequently harassing or picking on the child
• Ignoring the child or using silence to control their behavior
• Withholding love, support, and guidance
• Neglecting to care for the child and their needs
• Allowing the child to witness domestic violence and abuse

Signs of Emotional Abuse From Parents

Though it can be hard to detect, emotional abuse can be extremely harmful to children. This article explores the signs of emotional child abuse.

www.verywellmind.com

Also, I'm sorry about her constantly insulting you. That must be hard to go through.

 

[traumer]

Sounds like emotional abuse. Here's some more info on the different types of emotional abuse.

Signs of Emotional Abuse From Parents

Though it can be hard to detect, emotional abuse can be extremely harmful to children. This article explores the signs of emotional child abuse.

www.verywellmind.com

Also, I'm sorry about her constantly insulting you. That must be hard to go through.

I'm sorry if it sounds dumb but these things don't really exist where I live. Middle East is such a wrong place to talk about mental health and such stuff but thank you for informing me. What I mean is no one actually consider you feelings if you aren't beaten up or harmed

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm sorry if it sounds dumb but these things don't really exist where I live. Middle East is such a wrong place to talk about mental health and such stuff but thank you for informing me

Just because something isn't recognized by those around you doesn't mean that it does not exist. It's sad that a lot of forms of abuse are dismissed by different societies around the world. It's important to remember that just because others from where you live refuse to view emotional abuse as a real thing doesn't make it any less of a real issue.

 

[puella]

I'm sorry. You deserve to be treated and talked to softly and calmly. Every child needs that to feel safe and loved.

Parenting is hard, and your mother probably does love you, but there is never an excuse for insulting your child.

 

[traumer]

I'm sorry. You deserve to be treated and talked to softly and calmly. Every child needs that to feel safe and loved.

Parenting is hard, and your mother probably does love you, but there is never an excuse for insulting your child.

I don't think I want her to love me anymore I just want to live far from her but I don't have the economical independence for that. I just want to erase her and the other family members from my existence. I wonder if it cost them money to be kind to me sometimes

 

[兎の耳]

It's absolutely emotional abuse. My mom is the same; she'll do whatever I ask, but make me feel like a worthless piece of trash while she does it. I hate accepting things from other people because I always expect it to come with a heaping helping of guilt and verbal abuse.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. You deserve to be treated kindly.

 

[traumer]

Also whenever I say I don't like her she mentions how much money she spends on me but maybe I wouldn't have need material things to be happy if she loved me instead. Whenever I needed her she got me something to make me stop crying so I don't know how to find comfort whenever I feel depressed

 

[nivis...]

Everytime I want something from my mother she always jugdes and insults every decision I made my entire life but ends up doing it after all. If you were about to do it why did you feel the need to make me feel shitty like this? I really don't understand it why is she treating me like an enemy and not a daughter of hers? It would be more clear if she never done anything I wanted and neglected me but she doesn't so I can't understand if she is abusive or not. I mean my needs are fulfilled but I'm being used as an insult machine in return. My brain is not capable of understanding this type of action.

Its hard to be a good parent, maybe she is just being bad but Its hard

 

[traumer]

Its hard to be a good parent, maybe she is just being bad but Its hard

I know it is! maybe the person should be self-aware and decide to not have kids until things get better

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

I experienced this form of abuse as well... If i wouldn't have had an accident where i was completely dependent I guess i still would not understand the relationship with my mother...

Narcs only care for themselves and their image... Of course they do or say what's necessary to appear "a good parent"...
I am so sorry for you but you seem to be at the beginning. Try to reduce contact... She seems no good to you...

And I know how hard or impossible it may seem... As i am dependent on people because of my physical state this is especially difficult for me because i generally have no one else.

Try to escape and build an own family as you grief, what you were lacking émotionally as a child...

I wish you strength and sef compassion

 

[Kit1]

Any kind of abuse, including emotional abuse, is NEVER acceptable. Abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter where someone lives in this world - pain and torture is exactly what it is. We all bleed, don't we? I am very sorry that you are stuck with an abusive parent and I do get what you mean about living in the Middle East - unfortunately culturally it appears to be acceptable for parents to be harsh with their children and children are expected to gratefully accept that the parents have their best interests at heart (spare the rod, spoil the child etc). As I am writting this, I can hear my mum screaming (she is not even here), but trauma works strangely. Abuse is abuse. I am huessing that you are unable to move away from your mother? Any possibility of relocating at all? Or any chance of training your mind to remove yourself feom that place when being abused - dissociation is a very unhealthy manner of coping in the long term, but works and certainly saved my life. Please keep reaching out and venting here - at least, we can listen and be here for you. How old are you?

 

[traumer]

Any kind of abuse, including emotional abuse, is NEVER acceptable. Abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter where someone lives in this world - pain and torture is exactly what it is. We all bleed, don't we? I am very sorry that you are stuck with an abusive parent and I do get what you mean about living in the Middle East - unfortunately culturally it appears to be acceptable for parents to be harsh with their children and children are expected to gratefully accept that the parents have their best interests at heart (spare the rod, spoil the child etc). As I am writting this, I can hear my mum screaming (she is not even here), but trauma works strangely. Abuse is abuse. I am huessing that you are unable to move away from your mother? Any possibility of relocating at all? Or any chance of training your mind to remove yourself feom that place when being abused - dissociation is a very unhealthy manner of coping in the long term, but works and certainly saved my life. Please keep reaching out and venting here - at least, we can listen and be here for you. How old are you?

Only way for me to move away is through college and I kinda failed my mom for not being accepted to the university she wanted me to go so now I have to prepare again for next year. Even though I was accepted I really don't see myself attending to classes or anything I'm already really exhausted and I'm not even able to perform daily actions so moving to another city is just so extreme. It's such a shame though all my life I wanted to move abroad and now I struggle leaving my city :( I'm 19 and I will be 20 soon but I still feel 12 I don't want to take any responsibility I'm just so tired

 

[Kit1]

Only way for me to move away is through college and I kinda failed my mom for not being accepted to the university she wanted me to go so now I have to prepare again for next year. Even though I was accepted I really don't see myself attending to classes or anything I'm already really exhausted and I'm not even able to perform daily actions so moving to another city is just so extreme. It's such a shame though all my life I wanted to move abroad and now I struggle leaving my city :( I'm 19 and I will be 20 soon but I still feel 12 I don't want to take any responsibility I'm just so tired

Please don't be so hard on yourself - with that kind of pressure and abuse, it will be difficult to contrite on studying. However the reality is that passing those exams might be your ticket to freedom. If youngvpeople are treated as kids incapable of personal thought and freedom, then what do the parents expect (I am speaking as mum to two teenagers). The person who is supposed to support you is giving you hell - at least, try your best to be kind to yourself though I admit that this can feel like an impossible feat when the primary caregivers is constantly running you down - if I feel like this is my 40s, I am asking you to look at doing something in your 20s whilst you are still in that abusive situation. But if at all, you can somehow pass those exams and escape - you never have to go back.

 

[Peaceful Departure]

I believe that 95%+ of kids 19 and under who ctb, do so for reasons directly related to family abuse whether they realize it or not. My mom sounds very similar to yours. Everyone who lives with her wilts and turns into a shell of themselves as she rips away they're identity through verbal abuse. She has 2 exes that aren't my dad. 1 of them turned into an unrecognizable shell of who he was. Dude lost at least 50lbs, barricaded himself in a room in the basement to stay away from her. Her other ex drank himself to death. She's a great lady!

 

[Kit1]

I believe that 95%+ of kids 19 and under who ctb, do so for reasons directly related to family abuse whether they realize it or not. My mom sounds very similar to yours. Everyone who lives with her wilts and turns into a shell of themselves as she rips away they're identity through verbal abuse. She has 2 exes that aren't my dad. 1 of them turned into an unrecognizable shell of who he was. Dude lost at least 50lbs, barricaded himself in a room in the basement to stay away from her. Her other ex drank himself to death. She's a great lady!

I recognise that with my mum as well - great abilities to reduce anyone to rubble - just a stare, screaming, beating everything. Hell this is abuse and never ever acceptable. I am so sorry that you too are part of the club - that pain, fear and rejection is unbelievable painful.
Strange thing is that I really love my children and I can never understand how parents can be cruel. It is such a privilege and so much love in bringing up our children - theyvare so innocent and beautiful and yes, we will differ in opinions I life and that is okay as children are human beings independentvofnus with their own rights and what is good for them - parents are here as mere guardians to look after them. Still cannot work out how twisted a parent must be to mess us up so badly.

 

[traumer]

I believe that 95%+ of kids 19 and under who ctb, do so for reasons directly related to family abuse whether they realize it or not. My mom sounds very similar to yours. Everyone who lives with her wilts and turns into a shell of themselves as she rips away they're identity through verbal abuse. She has 2 exes that aren't my dad. 1 of them turned into an unrecognizable shell of who he was. Dude lost at least 50lbs, barricaded himself in a room in the basement to stay away from her. Her other ex drank himself to death. She's a great lady!

I feel like the first dude in your story... mom once threatened and almost took action to break my door just because she wanted to say hi to me ma'am just say it and go you don't need to break my door i promise

 

[Kit1]

Traumer, please reach out to us here and draw support from us or anyone whonisnsafe to draw support from. That might be a strengthening point for you to be able to somehow get through those exams and escape from there. Happy to chat anytime. I left home as an underage teenager and never looked back and it was the best decision I made - it is possible to get away even though it would feel impossible when we are actually in that situation. Thinking of you and sending you best wishes and hugs. Take care.

 

[traumer]

Traumer, please reach out to us here and draw support from us or anyone whonisnsafe to draw support from. That might be a strengthening point for you to be able to somehow get through those exams and escape from there. Happy to chat anytime. I left home as an underage teenager and never looked back and it was the best decision I made - it is possible to get away even though it would feel impossible when we are actually in that situation. Thinking of you and sending you best wishes and hugs. Take care.

Thank you so much! I feel like you're so much better than my mom as a parent and I'm so happy for your kids because they have you I promise I will try to text you whenever I feel like I have enough energy for a conversation