Venting I don't think today could be any worse

[Life_and_Death]

So it started last night. (which actually goes back... Idk, half a week at this point i think). I let my Bff, my SO, go. I didn't feel like i had much of a choice. And then this morning i see the fucking asshole that threatened to rape me years ago...... With no SO to hug me and tell me it'll be ok.... And then i got pissed off and smashed my laptop. Idk maybe the laptop thing is a blessing.... I can't check on my SO as much now....
Literally i think the only thing that could make today worse is death. As long as it wasnt an extremely slow and painful one.... That would be a blessing.....

Edit: shoulda kept my mouth shut.... It got worse and I'm not dead.
I also realized its actually been a bad week considering a few days ago we almost hit a deer. That's ok it didn't seriously effect anything, i was still dealing with the ptsd from before that anyway so all i did was panic.
Thank God i plan on getting drunk in about 24hrs. Sobriety hurts..

 

[Life_and_Death]

I feel so alone.... I miss my SO. I think i got r*ped last night. My friend is paying more attention to his video game even though i told him about last night.

I'm suppose to be getting better in case my SO comes back, but if i "accidentally" get alcohol poisoning tonight, maybe it would be a good thing.

 

[Kismet]

I feel so alone.... I miss my SO. I think i got r*ped last night. My friend is paying more attention to his video game even though i told him about last night.

I'm suppose to be getting better in case my SO comes back, but if i "accidentally" get alcohol poisoning tonight, maybe it would be a good thing.

Sorry to hear that. I can relate to telling someone something serious and not getting taken seriously and definitely being alone.
What makes you suspect that happened? What is SO and what do you mean that you're supposed to be getting better? I don't think alcohol poisoning would be a good way to go though I've thought three same thing when I was drinking every day. Sorry for the questions, it's cool if don't answer anything that you don't want

 

[Life_and_Death]

What is SO

Significant other

what do you mean that you're supposed to be getting better?

I'm suppose to be working on my mental health instead of kms.

What makes you suspect that happened?

I didn't really consent.
I'd rather not go into details. I don't need someone being all like "you're over exaggerating" "you're fine" "youre just looking for attention" ect. Honestly i was completely hesitant to even mention it.

 

[Kismet]

Significant other

I'm suppose to be working on my mental health instead of kms.


I didn't really consent.
I'd rather not go into details. I don't need someone being all like "you're over exaggerating" "you're fine" "youre just looking for attention" ect. Honestly i was completely hesitant to even mention it.

I see now what you mean, it's not an easy thing to put in words and there's a lot more that led up to happened. I definitely wouldn't say you were overreacting or anything similar no matter the details tho but anticipating what people might say is something I do all the time so I do get that for sure. From my perspective, it seems like you're still working on your mental health by being here on this site and saying what you did. Idk I try to say to myself that I've made it through 100% of my worst days so I can make it through one more today but the thought of it being over is such a relief when it gets hard, it's like a weight is lifted type of feeling. How long have you and your friend known each other?

 

[Life_and_Death]

How long have you and your friend known each other?

8yrs

 

[Kismet]

8yrs

That's a pretty good amount of time to know someone, it's record level if it were me at least on a personal level of course. How long have you been sober? You mentioned sobriety hurts, which it does but the next day after losing sobriety hurts even worse

 

[Life_and_Death]

How long have you been sober? You mentioned sobriety hurts, which it does but the next day after losing sobriety hurts even worse

Just that day. I'm typically always high.

 

[Kismet]

Just that day. I'm typically always high.

Oh, I see what you mean. That's totally different but makes sense how you said it now. You prolly know already but I was thinking alcohol, the day after is the worst. The best way to fix the day after is to drink again and just repeat so the day after never comes. Weed definitely doesn't count against sobriety imo. I feel like this might be prying so just ignore if it's too much but how long was you with your SO and how long have you been waiting for them to come back?

 

[Life_and_Death]

how long was you with your SO

That's an extremely complicated question. The best way to explain it is that's why i called him my SO and not my BF. Just because we aren't together officially, doesn't mean he's not a significant part of me (plus I'm still legally married but have been trying to leave for at least half a year, everyone says he's abusive and i can't disagree)

how long have you been waiting for them to come back?

Almost 2 days, but i have bpd so I'm not taking it well....