I don't think the love I want is possible to experience when I'm alive

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Life is funny. When a person is alive, people want to hurt, abuse, and use them. When they die, everyone suddenly develops heart and begins to talk about how many regrets they had, how awful they feel, etc. Death, for whatever reason, hits people in a way that makes them appreciate that person when they are gone

As I was walking home from grocery shopping, I began to imagine what my own death would be like. I would post my suicide note to social media and leave one for each member of my fucked up family. Then, I would encrypt my laptop and phone and take off to my nearest bridge. Without hesitating, I would jump. Maybe after a few days or god knows how long, I might have a small bullshit paragraph in a newspaper about how "I was loved" and "missed" by many.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that the people in my life don't care about me. The only way to get them, or anyone for that matter, to really really care is for me to die. Of course you might be thinking "don't care about people who don't care about you. Find others who love you" and you're not wrong. But I am an idiot, and idiots don't think rationally.

 

[JD8080]

Well said...

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Thanks. This was a lot for me to process. I realized that with my mental health declining rapidly, as it always has been, I am not as social as I used to be on. top of all this so I had to let some people know

Anyways, I find it interesting how people always say that "everyone is special" when they know damn well some of us are unlovable and have nobody that cares about us.

 

[Joey]

I wish you the best of luck with everything in your current situation

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Of course you might be thinking "don't care about people who don't care about you. Find others who love you" and you're not wrong. But I am an idiot, and idiots don't think rationally.

You are not an idiot for thinking this way. There are a lot of people who feel the same when it comes to wanting other people to care about them. Humans are social animals by nature; we all have a need to feel wanted. It hurts when someone you care about may not reciprocate or feel the same way. I don't think that you are thinking irrationally when it comes to relationships with others, because it's hard to let go of someone who you may have had a strong bond with at one point - such as a close friend. This is not to say that you should break off from others in your life; I am just giving an example. It may be that there's some people who might actually like you but may not know how to express themselves. There also might be bad people who don't actually give a damn. It might be a mix of both.