I don't think I'll ever be able to enjoy life

[anyoneshorizon]

I have no love for myself. I can't accept who I am. I feel I always feel uncomfortable. It's a shame I feel I could do so many things but I just can't get over this one impenetrable wall. I can't fully enjoy anything. There's no point. I do the things I think I need to make up for the things I don't have. Why am I forced to live a life with no happiness? Luckily I am not responsible for anyone except for maybe my mother. She puts me on a pedestal of so much potential at least she has my siblings. I try and am trying to fix my problem but I feel nothing is working. I'm not sure how long I can take it. I want to order SN soon and just leave on the night that I feel worse.

 

[CTB Dream]

Sorry feel this brain bio chemistry problematic one enjoy one not enjoy. Want do thing chemical not allow do really horrible. Wish peace

 

[Pluto]

I feel the same way, though for me it's relating to something very specific. My whole mind is an inferno of being unable to forgive myself for having failed to achieve any semblance of normality before reaching middle age. It rollercoasters between hope of an 11th-hour change, desperation to CTB asap, rage at past abusers and self-contempt. Oh, and also some attempts to kill the mind for good measure.

If you have something specific that is troubling you, it may be possible to do something about it, if you feel open.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I know that it's hard to carry on existing when everything feels so hopeless. I wish you relief from suffering.

 

[theboy]

me2

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I have no love for myself. I can't accept who I am. I feel I always feel uncomfortable. It's a shame I feel I could do so many things but I just can't get over this one impenetrable wall. I can't fully enjoy anything. There's no point. I do the things I think I need to make up for the things I don't have. Why am I forced to live a life with no happiness? Luckily I am not responsible for anyone except for maybe my mother. She puts me on a pedestal of so much potential at least she has my siblings. I try and am trying to fix my problem but I feel nothing is working. I'm not sure how long I can take it. I want to order SN soon and just leave on the night that I feel worse.

I think I relate to every single word of this, especially the bit about your mother (in this case, my parents). They expect a lot out of me but the good thing is, my parents were able to produce one very successful child who they should be proud of (my older sibling). I wish there was a way to dull the pain...

 

[lonelygirl111]

im sorry ur in so much pain. being hopeless is exhausting and makes life so dark. i hope your pain lessens and days of peace follow.

 

[akirat9]

i cant

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Why am I forced to live a life with no happiness?

I'm sorry things are so hard for you.
I don't mean to push anything upon you, but are you sure you aren't depressed? Have you ever spoken to a professional?

 

[makethepainstop]

Sometimes I think of the scene in independence day, where the alien has Doctor Oakens body pushed up to the glass partition, and he says "RELEASE ME!" That is how I have felt since I was very young.