Hello, Willow here. As the title states I don't think I have long for this world. I really want to live I think, but i can't keep going on like this. my life is getting worse. i'm tired of taking pills, I'm too tired to work anymore. I can't hardly function at work and I'm not going to get disability. I think It would help if I could just lay in bed all day and sleep, maybe i could make it till my natural death. But like i said i won't get disability and i can't barely function at working for another fourty years, I just can't. I have a feeling I'll get fired soon anyways. You guys are amazing, some of the most empathetic and understanding people I know. I plan on CTB in about about a month.( nothing is set in stone though.) I'm ordering supplies for the SN method tonight. I don't want to go but i can't stay. it most confusing paradox to me. Thanks for understanding, Willow.
Kyrok
Paragon
- Nov 6, 2018
- 970
I've struggled with constant fatigue and depression for almost 40 years. It has been a long agony. When I feel well, I excell, but then am forced to coast for months or years until another up-swing.
I understand how hard this is and only because I had the right opportunities have I been able to endure:
I understand how hard this is and only because I had the right opportunities have I been able to endure:
NorthAmericanQc
Experienced
- Feb 5, 2019
- 227
I sooo understand you. I can relate as I was reading your post. I feel too tired going any further in life, in this society..
It's truly sad that society holds depressed people up to the same standards as the rest of society. It's not that i'm lazy and don't want to work. I just simply can't anymore. I didn't ask for bipolar disorder, hell I didn't ask to exist. Had I known what a hell earth would be, I would of found a way to kill myself in the womb.
Kyrok
Paragon
- Nov 6, 2018
- 970
I'm lucky to have carved out " eccentric genious" space at work. Same employer 21yrs. Unless I blow it, 4yrs I retire.
Retirement is heaven if you have chronic fatigue.
Retirement is heaven if you have chronic fatigue.
I'm real happy for you honest. I'm not going to make it to retirement. I just can't anymore. but once again props Kyrok, I'm glad things worked out for you :-)
21Neberg
Enlightened
- Dec 17, 2018
- 1,624
This earth we were forced into is truly horrible. Sending you strength, remember you've just got to pull through one more month!
Kyrok
Paragon
- Nov 6, 2018
- 970
Well not yet -- even 4 more yrs is a huge struggle. But that is also why I'm bringing up my situation: the fear that the fatigue will never relent is genuine. When I ask myself if I should have ctb at 14 or so, I often think yes. On my best days, I'm even then still on the fence.
Thanks you guys are awsome! I want to believe maybe all of us on SS will meet each other on the other side one day. One can hope right?
I see, sorry for misunderstanding! Hugs, Willow
Who does have long for this world, Willow? Look at how heartless and chaotic it has become. For myself, at the age of 65, I have had it. This ruthless, pitiless society would deny you disability, while at the same time taking millions in tax dollars from us, and all to feed a ravenous clique of elites. It is indeed a shame that you have to consider the final option for lack of better.
Oh willow, I know that feeling so well. The pain of existence outweighs the desire to live. There seems only one answer. A cruel paradox indeed. I really wish it wasn't so. I feel so sad for everyone that feels like this, it just doesn't seem right nor fair.
