Venting I don't think I have empathy

[spinningship]

I feel other people's emotions when I see them or when I see people crying say in a documentary I can end up crying too with them so I have some kind of care for other people. I just don't think I have empathy in the way other people do. Some social activists who talk about autism say that we do have empathy and it's a double empathy problem but that seems awfully convenient to me. Why is it that the one autistic symptom which would have an inherent negative stigma happens to be explained by a deficit in both neurotypes rather than just a deficit in those with asd.

Like I can try to force myself to put myself in others shoes but it's an active effort and it doesn't come naturally to me. Nor does showing emotion towards others really.

I think there must be something completely missing from my brain that relates to empathy so that I can't feel it or relate to others. Idk it's just complete shit and then people try to tell me to keep going. All I do is cope by pretending the empathy issue doesn't exist and avoiding others as much as possible. I have so much anxiety around others I never trust my brain.

Empathy is kind of what connects us to others else we are just kind of machines.

Every now and then I get into a thought spiral like this and it's when I come closest to ordering SN and just getting it all over with i'm just a complete burden and can't show any appreciation to others.

 

[ksp]

I can end up crying too with them so I have some kind of care for other people

you might be too hard on yourself: don't pressure yourself to imitate anyone's emotions out of guilt - when you truly feel sorry for someone you'll know it: you'll simply cry, or feel like crying (deep down) and without the need to display your reactions; feelings are irrational, no matter how hard you try to force yourself, you won't be able to

your sorrow will never resemble someone else's - you are you, so try not to feel guilty about your own perception about your own lack of empathy. the only thing you 'need to keep doing' is to be yourself, and try to display appropriate sentiments (without overdoing it). i want to say 'don't avoid others because of this' but i also avoid everyone in real life, so i know it's probably impossible to remove your anxiety (but my anxiety is caused by other situations like 'fear of public speaking', etc)

sometimes i'm surprised at myself when most people around me are crying (movies or funerals), and i ask myself: 'what the hell is wrong with me?!', but then i just move on; other times i feel like crying and i'm ashamed (internally) if no one else is affected by a tragedy - maybe it's my own weird perception, and others don't really see it a tragic, and i try to distract my attention; i categorize it as a simple misalignment with my immediate community - i have bigger internal demons to battle

but the again, maybe i'm wrong about this because i'm not autistic (or at least i'm not aware if i am)

 

[Veraz]

If I may, I just wanted to say that being autistic myself, and having done a lot of research on autism over the years in attempts to understand how my brain works, I believe what you may be experiencing is not a lack of empathy necessarily, but what is often called "theory of mind".

It's kind of complicated, but basically theory of mind is a person's ability to "guess" what a person is feeling (or going to feel) based on certain social cues. This is something that a lot of people on the spectrum really struggle with. It's why many of us might say something hurtful without realizing it or intending it to have been hurtful.

It's often mistaken for being a lack of empathy because of this, but it's important to note that people with autism do have the capacity to feel empathy. They just have a little bit more difficulty processing and recognizing those emotions compared to neurotypicals.

This sets it apart from conditions like anti-social personality disorder (the DSM-V term for sociopathy), in which they are incapable of feeling empathy or guilt at all.

A lot of the stuff regarding theory of mind and what all it encompasses is still being studied sadly, because there is still so much we don't know about autism, and very little we actually do know.

 

[SamTam33]

I haven't done any research to back this up, but I don't think most people feel empathy. They feel sympathy.

Empathy takes a lot of practice. Empathy can be debilitating. It can literally bring you to your knees.

Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone. Pitying them. Sympathy is throwing some coins into a homeless person's tin can.

Empathy will have you ducking off behind a building and sobbing until you damn near puke because you viscerally feel what it's like to be that homeless person.

Over the years, we've started using the two words interchangeably, and in some cases, deliberately using the word empathy because it's the most 'noble' of the two.

It may very well be true that people on the spectrum don't experience empathy as often. But neither does the rest of the population.

There's no way you can be an empathetic individual and vote for a particular candidate. There's no way you can be empathetic and deny others the right to die. There's no way you can experience empathy while simultaneously taking advantage of other people (be it family members, employees, etc).

If empathy was a prevailing emotion, and experienced by the masses - we'd be in much better shape as a society.

 

[spinningship]

Come back to this thread as I feel physically sick feeling bad for someone. Had a good night talking to people and one little thing at the end and it's all I think about. I think it's I see a glimpse of someone's loneliness and I relate hard and so feel intensely bad for them. Regardless it was good because I got me out my shell at least.