Just a small vent from me.
I don't see any purpose in my life, besides the consumption of media. By media I mean: books, movies, music and older games.
I haven't consumed any of these in a long time and without them I feel emptiness which I cannot fill with anything else.
I'm considering getting back to consuming all that stuff. The main reason of that would be to just spend time on distracting myself from the death which will come naturally sooner or later anyway.
It may sound stupid, but when I'm thinking about consuming that stuff I already feel regrets and it really makes me nervous for some reason. I feel like I should do something else, but I don't know what. I feel that if I spend time on consuming media, then some kind of punishment will come to me! Even by reading classical novels from 20th century, I feel like I would be disappointing either myself, or someone who I even don't know.
The realization that consuming this stuff would make me feel better for a moment, paradoxically makes me feel worse.
I don't see any purpose in my life, besides the consumption of media. By media I mean: books, movies, music and older games.
I haven't consumed any of these in a long time and without them I feel emptiness which I cannot fill with anything else.
I'm considering getting back to consuming all that stuff. The main reason of that would be to just spend time on distracting myself from the death which will come naturally sooner or later anyway.
It may sound stupid, but when I'm thinking about consuming that stuff I already feel regrets and it really makes me nervous for some reason. I feel like I should do something else, but I don't know what. I feel that if I spend time on consuming media, then some kind of punishment will come to me! Even by reading classical novels from 20th century, I feel like I would be disappointing either myself, or someone who I even don't know.
The realization that consuming this stuff would make me feel better for a moment, paradoxically makes me feel worse.
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