I don't know where to go from here

[casctb]

For the few of you that saw my posts, you know I had a whole plan set out to ctb. Long story short, started overthinking things and now I can't exactly go through with it anymore for various reasons. I'm still suicidal but because of my stupid ass I'm stuck here for awhile and I have no idea what to do now. I'm so indecisive about what my next actions should be. Should I go to see a psychologist? Check myself in the hospital? Either way I'm killing myself but just not right now so it doesn't matter really. Tried to do some soul searching but nothing is satisfying. I don't think anything will ever satisfy me.

Anyway thanks to you guys who actually listened and responded to a dumb asshole like me.

 

[Brackenshire]

If you even thinking about checking in the hospital you should go

 

[Passersby]

Hi Casctb,
I remember your posts. Glad to see you again. I mean I know it sucks under these types of circumstances but I'm still here too. Maybe there is something that can help you I dont know because I'm not familiar with your situation but feel free to pm me if your like. Maybe I could make a suggestion idk. I know how hard and defeating this type of life can be.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

What are you hoping for if you see a psychologist or check yourself into a hospital? Not saying you shouldn't, just want to know your expectations before I say anything.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Do you want to get better? If so, then yes, check into a hospital. Do whatever you can to ensure your survival. If there's a small glimmer of hope that you can recover, grab it with both hands and hold onto it for dear life.

if you don't want to get better, then what's the point?

 

[casctb]

Do you want to get better? If so, then yes, check into a hospital. Do whatever you can to ensure your survival. If there's a small glimmer of hope that you can recover, grab it with both hands and hold onto it for dear life.

if you don't want to get better, then what's the point?

To be honest, I don't want to get better because I know it isn't possible to get what I want and I know ultimately it doesn't matter what I do in the end. However I did want to hopefully learn more about myself and confirm some things I already know but like I said I'm indecisive so I don't know what I'll do next other than what I have to right now.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

For the few of you that saw my posts, you know I had a whole plan set out to ctb. Long story short, started overthinking things and now I can't exactly go through with it anymore for various reasons. I'm still suicidal but because of my stupid ass I'm stuck here for awhile and I have no idea what to do now. I'm so indecisive about what my next actions should be. Should I go to see a psychologist? Check myself in the hospital? Either way I'm killing myself but just not right now so it doesn't matter really. Tried to do some soul searching but nothing is satisfying. I don't think anything will ever satisfy me.

Anyway thanks to you guys who actually listened and responded to a dumb asshole like me.

I've been somewhat on a teeter totter for the last year concerning my potential CTB. It feels to me like some other members might be in the same sort of mindset. By saying teeter-totter I kind of mean up and down, up and down. Yesterday I decided hey as long as I'm here I'm going to try and make my life a little bit better and a little bit more enjoyable, and so I went out and bought a brand new phone and a brand new tablet. I purchased a Verizon plan that allows me to watch some football games, Hulu, and some other stuff. I figure why not be less miserable until I could figure out exactly what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it?

For me, 99% certain that CTB is my destiny it's only a question of when. So, why not watch some football on my tablet until then?

Applying the same concept to you, based on the questions you posed in OP, I would recommend you reach out and talk to a therapist etc., see if someone can help you, what do you have to lose?

 

[casctb]

I've been somewhat on a teeter totter for the last year concerning my potential CTB. It feels to me like some other members might be in the same sort of mindset. By saying teeter-totter I kind of mean up and down, up and down. Yesterday I decided hey as long as I'm here I'm going to try and make my life a little bit better and a little bit more enjoyable, and so I went out and bought a brand new phone and a brand new tablet. I purchased a Verizon plan that allows me to watch some football games, Hulu, and some other stuff. I figure why not be less miserable until I could figure out exactly what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it?

For me, 99% certain that CTB is my destiny it's only a question of when. So, why not watch some football on my tablet until then?

Applying the same concept to you, based on the questions you posed in OP, I would recommend you reach out and talk to a therapist etc., see if someone can help you, what do you have to lose?

Yeah I guess. It's just there's still planning that out, finding money for it, and making sure that nobody finds out which is probably as exhausting as ctb plans. So I don't know if I want to go through all of that right now. I already have other shit I need to plan out and do. But I'll probably do someday just not sure when.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Yeah I guess. It's just there's still planning that out, finding money for it, and making sure that nobody finds out which is probably as exhausting as ctb plans. So I don't know if I want to go through all of that right now. I already have other shit I need to plan out and do. But I'll probably do someday just not sure when.

Obviously whatever makes sense for you. I'm in the states and have received plenty of free services over the years. Perhaps, this is available where you live? I've received free psychiatric care and free psychotherapy. The quality was phenomenal. I was shocked and probably extremely lucky.

Just be fully informed. Know all your options, then make decisions best for yourself. That's the best I am able to do for myself.