I don’t know what to do

[imtrying]

I'm not sure if this should go here given how I may or may not be on the way to recovery but I had to put it somewhere and I would rather recover than ctb so here we are. I don't want to die but life is getting so hard and my depression is getting less and less high functioning. I'm trying so hard but it's getting harder and harder to hide it. I want to live but I don't know what to do. I thought about voluntary admission to the hospital, but that seems terrifyingly uncontrollable. I don't know what else to do other than ctb and hotlines just send links and hang up on you someone help

(also is there a way to flair a recovery post "vent"? I don't see the option but I'm new to the site so I might just be missing something)

 

[motel rooms]

Why are you depressed? Are you on an antidepressant? Are you in therapy?

 

[Sleeper System]

I am dealing with the same issue as you. I can't even surrender myself to a hospital because once that happens I won't be working and no money will he coming in and regardless I will be fucked.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Best thing to do it is to have a distraction

The distraction cannot be drugs , alcohol, or sex as you'll bore out

If you can keep a daily distraction that is healthy you can last a lifetime

There are people living today as poor rural farmers who will ultimately live longer than people with net worths in the millions because they have the daily distraction whereas many rich don't

 

[imtrying]

Why are you depressed? Are you on an antidepressant? Are you in therapy?

I'm depressed because of endless conflict in my family as a child that spun me down a wormhole of depression and suicidal ideations and left me helpless and trapped. I am not in therapy despite wanting to be. I wish I could but it's so expensive. I'm not on antidepressants because I am young enough that I worry about the side effects of increased depression. My brain is the only hope I have and I can't lose it.

 

[adesertrose]

i kinda feel the same, u can PM me if u want. therapy can be great, but also useless. also i dont know where you are located but you can find ways to get it for cheap.

 

[Ashu]

I'm depressed because of endless conflict in my family as a child that spun me down a wormhole of depression and suicidal ideations and left me helpless and trapped. I am not in therapy despite wanting to be. I wish I could but it's so expensive. I'm not on antidepressants because I am young enough that I worry about the side effects of increased depression. My brain is the only hope I have and I can't lose it.

I completely understand your fear of the drugs. I was in the clutches of psychiatry in my teens and twenties, but was rarely able to bring myself to succumb to the pressure to take those poisons, which can temporarily and permanently devastate body and mind.

 

[imtrying]

I completely understand your fear of the drugs. I was in the clutches of psychiatry in my teens and twenties, but was rarely able to bring myself to succumb to the pressure to take those poisons, which can temporarily and permanently devastate body and mind.

Is it really that bad? I had heard SSRIs, antidepressants, and whatnot had side effects but I didn't know it was so devastating.

 

[Glowarm]

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. Depression building sounds pretty rough. And I have to agree on the voluntary admission, that has always been too scary for me to try.
You mentioned both wanting to live and wanting to be in therapy. That's a great outlook to have and, imo, shows that you're trying.

 

[Ashu]

Is it really that bad? I had heard SSRIs, antidepressants, and whatnot had side effects but I didn't know it was so devastating.

It is to many. Don't change your mind without doing some research. The first searches will bring you to stories of people whose lives have been destroyed all over again.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Well, I guess it depends from person to person. We can't generalize about antidepressants.

I can say that I was completely in the shit hole in February and March and what actually helped me a lot and even saved me (because I was seriously thinking about ctb and was making preparations about it) were the antidepressants.

I don't like to take medication, like most people, but the way I was with absolutely no sleep for two days I really had to go to the hospital, to the emergency room, and was prescribed the medication.

I can also say that this isn't the first time I've taken antidepressants and I haven't had any side effects, nor any debilitation. And the first time I took antidepressants was in my teens. After that I graduated from law school and I'm currently working as a lawyer.

This time I didn't and don't have any side effects either.

So, what I mean is that it's normal that each person's experience shapes the thinking about a certain subject but it doesn't mean that the same thing will happen for everyone. I think that without experimenting you don't know and I think it's worth at least experimenting, because when it helps, it makes an incredible difference.

And of course medication must be complemented with psychotherapy.