Venting I don't know what to do

[daydreamer52]

Everything seems to keep getting gradually worse and I know my problems are nothing compared to what other people have to live daily but I just don't know what to do anymore. I met a person online who was looking for a ctb partner, she was from my same continent and I thought that she was as serious as I am about it, I was kind of happy you could say but then she comes out with this fucked up thing about doing a fansign or smth that for those who don't know, it's like cutting the name of another person in your skin or at least that's what she wanted me to do with her name, I even told her I would if we were really going to meet for ctbing together but she thought the fansign was more important and even told me that if I was gonna kill myself anyways why wouldn't I cut her name onto my leg and send her the picture. I really had the illusion of having a ctb partner but I didn't expect that, like why. Then I start to do really bad at college and I have a lot of work due for this week but I don't have the energy to do it, I can't focus and I feel fucking useless because I am, it's so simple to do it, if I just was more organized or smarter I would have already done it, but no, it's myself, ofc I'm not able to do it and end up dissapointing my parents as always. I really want to have a shotgun right now. I say I want someone to talk to but then when I got the chance to talk with someone that I have common interests with I find a way to fuck it up, I get nervous and don't now how to keep up a conversation, I'm so lame. I'm sorry if you read it all, it was a waste of your time.

 

[Csmith8827]

It wasn't a waste of time and I hope things have gotten better...to be honest that girl sounds kinda crazy...I get CTB but a fansign? Maybe right before you do it? I don't know about all that...I hope all your college stuff worked out.