quailque
Member
- Sep 28, 2022
- 5
I've finally lost the motivation to do anything for myself after years of depression eating away at my brain. At some point I had a really solid shot at earning a good life but I've slowly been losing everything I've worked towards. Being hospitalized only sped up the process.
"You're already doing shit at the easy part, might as well end it before it gets worse. It's not like you're gonna put in the effort to make things any better anyways." Is constantly playing in my mind and I believe it. I had everything and then some and instead of taking the opportunity to get better, I spent the entire summer rotting away on my bed crying about every single little thing. I thought eventually I'd snap back to reality and focus on my priorities but that didn't happen.
I know the person who has to change is me but I genuinely don't see myself ever doing something like that.
I have a sibling who also experiences a lot of mental health issues and has expressed they'd kill themselves if I did. I obviously don't want that to happen but I just can't do this anymore. I want to end it now before I end up with a bigger reason to end my life. If my life is a train the destination is hell and I want to jump off before it gets there.
I haven't been able to talk about this to anyone so I'm not sure what I'm expecting, but I'm just so tired of being lonely. I have some SN being shipped in in a couple of days and i'm genuinely really worried about what's gonna happen to me.
"You're already doing shit at the easy part, might as well end it before it gets worse. It's not like you're gonna put in the effort to make things any better anyways." Is constantly playing in my mind and I believe it. I had everything and then some and instead of taking the opportunity to get better, I spent the entire summer rotting away on my bed crying about every single little thing. I thought eventually I'd snap back to reality and focus on my priorities but that didn't happen.
I know the person who has to change is me but I genuinely don't see myself ever doing something like that.
I have a sibling who also experiences a lot of mental health issues and has expressed they'd kill themselves if I did. I obviously don't want that to happen but I just can't do this anymore. I want to end it now before I end up with a bigger reason to end my life. If my life is a train the destination is hell and I want to jump off before it gets there.
I haven't been able to talk about this to anyone so I'm not sure what I'm expecting, but I'm just so tired of being lonely. I have some SN being shipped in in a couple of days and i'm genuinely really worried about what's gonna happen to me.