Venting I don’t know what I’m doing

[goodbye_._]

Tonight feels like the worst feeling ever. I've basically been crying non stop and I don't know why. I'm just so tired. I want it to end but I can't yet. And I have no one to talk to so here I am typing my feeling up on this website. I'm glad it's here don't get me wrong but it sucks this is what my life has come to. I never wanted this for myself and I tried to get better. I tried therapy and I tried to see everything from a positive view. But there is no hope. Therapy didn't work. I don't really wanna get into that. I feel like I'm floating, I don't know why. Like if I'm on water. It's nice actually, the only thing I actually like. I don't feel real. But I don't all the time so.. sometimes I wonder if any of this actually exists, I wish I didn't. Maybe my brain does that to protect me. Honestly I don't know what this post is. I just need a space, im sure some of you understand what it's like. Im alone and it sucks. It hurts. But I have this. Thank you. If u read this far, I appreciate it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It sounds like you're feeling completely overwhelmed by life. Can you share a little more detail about what you're in particularly struggling with/what's making you feel this way?

 

[SilentSadness]

Life is a devastating process we are all forced to go through, we all have the ability to suffer without end and some people get it worse than others. It's understandable that you have no hope because we are all alone. I hope you can find a break from your suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly can be so painful and it certainly does sound really tiring what you have to endure. There certainly is no relief from suffering in this cruel world, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[goodbye_._]

It sounds like you're feeling completely overwhelmed by life. Can you share a little more detail about what you're in particularly struggling with/what's making you feel this way?

Well most of it is just trauma related. I won't go into full detail because this would be very long but basically as a child I was neglected by both parents and abused by my dad. I was bullied in school all the time. I wasn't wanted. Then I attempted and was sent to a treatment place that neglected me, and said some bad stuff to me. Really really traumatizing. And I also now have health issues so I'm in pain all the time and I don't even know why. But I was done with life a long time ago, I just wish I had the option you know. Some of this wouldn't have had happened. I think about my trauma everyday. Some people don't believe my trauma from the treatment place because it was supposed to help me. So most phycologist refuse to do therapy with that. I just had a nightmare about it last night. Like I said I'm tired. There is a lot more but this is already getting long enough.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Well most of it is just trauma related. I won't go into full detail because this would be very long but basically as a child I was neglected by both parents and abused by my dad. I was bullied in school all the time. I wasn't wanted. Then I attempted and was sent to a treatment place that neglected me, and said some bad stuff to me. Really really traumatizing. And I also now have health issues so I'm in pain all the time and I don't even know why. But I was done with life a long time ago, I just wish I had the option you know. Some of this wouldn't have had happened. I think about my trauma everyday. Some people don't believe my trauma from the treatment place because it was supposed to help me. So most phycologist refuse to do therapy with that. I just had a nightmare about it last night. Like I said I'm tired. There is a lot more but this is already getting long enough.

Those treatment places gave me trauma too so it's absolutely possible to be traumatized by one of them. It can be tough for mental health professionals to admit that there are problems in the industry. People tend to underestimate trauma too and think it's just a matter of "getting over" it when it's not.