Help I don't know what choice to make

[pup]

Hello, I hope you all find yourself doing well. Since January of this year I've been incredibly incredibly depressed, hitting rock bottom once or twice. I attempted to commit suicide on the 9th of February with a lethal dose of Morphine, around 350mg but it failed, and I ended up throwing up. These past few months I've been living at my mom's house without a job, and with debts piling up. I've been going to therapy, and today my mom wanted to sit in on the session with the therapist. I was really reluctant, but agreed to do so. That entire hour felt like I was just being berated and told how inconsiderate I was and how I don't really contribute to the house, even though I am very very depressed, vulnerable, and a little suicidal. The session pretty much concluded with a "Get your shit together in a month or you might get kicked out"

I'm at a point now were I just feel like an absolute failure. I don't know what I have to live for, I don't know what to do, I don't really have any hope left. Part of me doesn't want to go, but I ask myself why and I can't come up with any answers. I wish I was in a different environment, but that is not possible. I'm absolutely terrified of looking for new jobs since every job I've had so far hasn't lasted long, the problem mainly breaking down to my anxieties with dealing with people and whatnot. I might try and make another attempt at taking my life, I'm not sure yet, I thought I would post here to see if maybe some sort of hope could be sparked. My best friend is trying so hard to keep me around, and I feel like such a burden to them. I wish I had as much hope as they did.
I wanted to describe my attempt a little more. I remember feeling really excited and euphoric once I had done it, and started listening to some playlists I had saved and played some games on my steam deck. I had scheduled a message to my best friend, which I still have, but well I ended up cancelling that scheduled message since my attempt failed. About an hour after that, I started getting doubtful and regretful about my attempt, but I felt that it was too late to try and turn back now, and did not want to cause a ruckus by calling 911.

 

[guayabas]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I feel like your therapist should have really consulted with you before agreeing to have your mom come to a session bc it sounds like you were coerced into that decision. And I feel like your therapist should have set some boundaries with your mom or defended you or done something to change the subject at least. Did you at least get an opportunity to debrief with your therapist without your mom there?

are there any options for you to live somewhere else in an emergency? maybe with your bestie?

 

[je.suis.prêt]

It's good that you're posting in the recovery section, you must have a tiny amount of hope left — buried beneath all the hopelessness and depressed lethargy, though.

For what it's worth, I am going to be completely honest; I don't have any specific advice. But I hope that my comment provides a little bit of emotional validation as I am able to tell you I went through that too.

And I still am, I feel generally better, but I'm still a struggling mess who cannot support them self who feels like a burden.

A burden with no real direction.

I'm sorry to hear that you tried to end your life with a morphine overdose, you must have been pushed way beyond your emotional limit. I hope you're doing okay (all else considered).

I bought SN with the intent to end my life, but it got stuck in the post, by the time it arrived — I still have it — I didn't (truly) want to go through with it.

I hope you are able to offer yourself some compassion as you are in a tough spot in life.

I wish you all the best <3

 

[pup]

It's good that you're posting in the recovery section, you must have a tiny amount of hope left — buried beneath all the hopelessness and depressed lethargy, though.

For what it's worth, I am going to be completely honest; I don't have any specific advice. But I hope that my comment provides a little bit of emotional validation as I am able to tell you I went through that too.

And I still am, I feel generally better, but I'm still a struggling mess who cannot support them self who feels like a burden.

A burden with no real direction.

I'm sorry to hear that you tried to end your life with a morphine overdose, you must have been pushed way beyond your emotional limit. I hope you're doing okay (all else considered).

I bought SN with the intent to end my life, but it got stuck in the post, by the time it arrived — I still have it — I didn't (truly) want to go through with it.

I hope you are able to offer yourself some compassion as you are in a tough spot in life.

I wish you all the best <3

Thank you very much. It makes me a little happy to see what people have to say about it. I'm sorry for not knowing but may I ask, what is an SN? And yeah I definitely still struggle with feeling like a burden, and not really having any direction in life. i wish i knew how people figured this stuff out

 

[Sulyya]

Welcome, I hope you find some help or at least friendly ears here.

That sounds like a counterproductive therapy session. It could be that they hoped they could get you moving with a sort of kick-in-the-pants wake-up call move but that can hurt someone with certain personalities or issues.

There is certainly hope. You do have to try but you're not a failure, you're struggling as we here all have. Any jobs with low social contact might be available somewhere but also some where you could practice at it may be a good idea too.

Let us know!

 

[Galileo3630]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. It takes a lot of courage to share your story, and I'm glad that you reached out. Dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts can be extremely challenging, and it's important to remember that you're not alone in this. There are people who care about you and want to support you through this difficult time.

It's concerning to hear that your therapy session with your mother didn't go well and left you feeling berated and unsupported. This is not how therapy is supposed to make you feel, and it's important to find a therapist who can provide you with a safe and supportive space to work through your struggles.

It's understandable that you're feeling like a failure and struggling to find hope in your current situation. It's important to remember that things can and will get better, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. It's okay to take things one day at a time and focus on small steps towards improving your situation. Seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist, can be a good place to start.

Please know that suicide is not the answer and that there is always hope for a better future. You are valuable and deserving of help and support. It's important to reach out to your support system, including your best friend, and let them know how you're feeling. They care about you and want to help you through this difficult time.

If you're feeling like you might harm yourself again, please remember that you're not alone, and there are people who can help you through this difficult time.

 

[manta]

Hi and welcome.

I still live with my dad and I can relate to feeling like a burden often. My life has little direction currently and I feel heavy guilt daily. Maybe it can bring you comfort knowing you aren't alone. But the truth is you're not a failure. You're strong for holding on despite what you're going through.

It seems like you still have hope and potential to live a good life. The fact that part of you wants to stay is a good sign. Did your mom and therapist know that you're suicidal and dealing with depression? It seems like they'd like to help but went about it the wrong way completely. It really must be an awful feeling not feeling supported by this therapist. If you haven't already I'd suggest letting them know how this made you felt so they don't do that again.

As for jobs there are plenty that don't require much interaction with others. I used to work retail and it was awful and the amount of interaction drained me. But once I found a more secluded job it made life more tolerable. It just takes some patience during the job search to find the right one.

I hope you can find peace in your journey.