i dont know if i want to die or not

[myaccount1104]

my last suicide attempt was an overdose. i know its not the most successful but i dont know i feel like i could just easily do swb but im scared of how permanent it is. i dont know its just somehow comforting that if i overdose i can sleep and have a chance of either waking up or dying. i really like the idea of death but when im actually trying i get so scared.

 

[ghostiax]

i definitely wouldn't recommend trying to overdose. if you do survive, you'll have to deal with the consequences of it, and it definitely fucks you up both mentally and physically, i don't know all the impacts but from a quick google search i found that it can permanently damage your organs, nerve damage, permanent injury, or even paralysis of limbs (if in the same position for a while after taking the medication). i really don't think that's something you want to deal with if you do survive. id also just try thinking of people who care about you, and people you care about. i know it's a pretty boring thing to say, but it can be really comforting to think about, and can help prevent you from doing it. im not sure if you want to be stopped, but from what ive gathered from this post im guessing you're a bit hesitant to actually go through with it since you're scared of death (?) or just the thought of it

 

[StandardOtter]

I get this even though i definitely do want to die. I had covid a while ago but didn't call for help even when I was struggling to breathe. It got bad enough fast enough that I really thought I was going to die, but SI didn't kick in at all. I just felt anticipation and relief.

I think the possibilty of a full recovery was a big factor, and I wish I could recreate it, but I'm too afraid of the potential long term health consequences from half measures.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I'm stuck in this limbo too. It's such an irrational fear but I think it is because I have hope. I don't know if you have hope but there is some hope in me keeping me going. And I think that hope translates into a fear of failure. Sometimes I think who cares if I fail atleast I am closer to death but also, you don't want to be gambling either life or death when doing an attempt, especially when you can risk permanent damage. I tried to overdose but I kinda knew it wouldn't work I just wished that it did and I came out unscathed.

Much love to you, friend