I don’t know if I can do it

[wildflowers1996]

I know that I want to stop existing; I'm certain of that.
But I just can't do it to my family. I've been trying not to think about it but rn I'm just here crying over someone I didn't know and I just can't put through my family so much pain
but the alternative is being so painfully unhappy for decades longer how am I meant to do that
I feel so trapped

 

[letmejoindeath]

I know that I want to stop existing; I'm certain of that.
But I just can't do it to my family. I've been trying not to think about it but rn I'm just here crying over someone I didn't know and I just can't put through my family so much pain
but the alternative is being so painfully unhappy for decades longer how am I meant to do that
I feel so trapped

That's quite the conundrum. When you're gone you won't have to worry about feeling bad or anything though.

Just keep reminding myself of that. People who care about you shouldn't want you to be miserable just for them either. That would be selfish.

Especially when no one is willing to do anything until it's too late anyways

 

[wildflowers1996]

I try to tell myself that I won't have to know about it because I'll be gone but that doesn't help them
It's not that they don't care it's just no one can fix anything for me even if they wanted to

 

[letmejoindeath]

I try to tell myself that I won't have to know about it because I'll be gone but that doesn't help them
It's not that they don't care it's just no one can fix anything for me even if they wanted to

Nothing can be fixed for me either so i have accepted ctb' ing and not thinking of anything else. You're lucky to have people who care about you though.

My death will bring people more happiness than me being alive.

 

[wildflowers1996]

Nothing can be fixed for me either so i have accepted ctb' ing and not thinking of anything else. You're lucky to have people who care about you though.

My death will bring people more happiness than me being alive.

I'm really sorry you're suffering so much I really wish I could change that honestly

 

[Liminal1]

Im really sorry your going through this. Its a tough position to be in for sure. It sounds like maybe your family is giving you a reason to live. Though I understand not wanting to continue in pain. I wish I could take that pain from you, I know how badly it hurts

 

[TapeMachine]

I feel the same way. I don't want to destroy the lives of either of my parents by killing myself, especially since we just lost one of my brothers almost a year ago.

But I never really hear from anyone anyway. Not my mom, not my dad, nor any of my living siblings. The only sibling who ever reached out to me is the one who died this past February. Now that he is gone, my phone is eerily silent.

Anyway. I feel your pain, and I sympathize, @wildflowers1996

 

[wildflowers1996]

@Liminal1 thank you I guess they are but it's a negative reason to live rather than a positive one if that makes sense - I love them but it doesn't make me want to live. It's just I have so much guilt :(

@TapeMachine - I'm really sorry you're experiencing the same thing. It's so hard and you feel so trapped :(
I'm sorry for the loss of your brother
here if you need someone to talk to x

 

[ManByTheRiver]

I used to feel the same, but it's not the right reason to live. You should not live because you feel you owe something to someone, be it you owe them not to make them feel pain or anything else. But it has to be that you owe yourself something, a better life, or you owe yourself the loving family that you have or what may it be. It's not easy to arrive at that point.