glittergore
the sea, the sea
- Jun 16, 2020
- 119
I don't know how to deal with the inherent powerlessness of being alive. As a human being, I'm bound by physics, biology, my body, other people, and myself. I can't escape from this bondage while alive and it makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable on a deep level. I feel like I'm constantly being suffocated by the weight of all I'm forced to be and all that will always influence me. It's only in death I'd be able to find freedom from this, only in suicide that I'd be able to give myself that gift.
Shouldn't I be entitled to that? Shouldn't I get the opportunity to claim an ultimate form of power and consent by choosing my own death? However, that's tremendously difficult as well. In a lot of ways, I love being alive, and that makes me want to find a way to cope with this, but I don't know if I can. I can't escape this weight.
I'm ambivalent and exhausted.
Shouldn't I be entitled to that? Shouldn't I get the opportunity to claim an ultimate form of power and consent by choosing my own death? However, that's tremendously difficult as well. In a lot of ways, I love being alive, and that makes me want to find a way to cope with this, but I don't know if I can. I can't escape this weight.
I'm ambivalent and exhausted.