Venting I don't know how to avoid suicidal thoughts.

[mrkillmyself]

Hello everyone. My life used to be pretty normal, i just studied and played some videogames, until 2021 happened. I started listening to an artist called "Sewerslvt", and covid was happening, so i stayed home most of the time. Sewerslvt songs are pretty depressing, they talk about suicide, sadness, helplessness, etc, and i got so fucking obsessed with it. I wanted to know every sample, watch every anime she ever used in a music video, and well.. let's just say that being "in the sewer" for too long, even the white rats turn grey. And that's what happened. I also started talking a lot with depressed sisters(that i don't talk much anymore), and it ended up with me being extremely depressed, without being able to talk for 5 minutes without crying, and i ended up in a psych ward. My parents didn't forced me, but i really wanted to. I wanted because at home, i was being treated way too normal for the state i was. At the mental hospital, they would give me food, pills, and i would mostly chill. I know that most of y'all that are reading this aren't really fans of stuff like that, but it helped me. After 1 week, i left, and until today, i still take the meds that were prescribed to me, cuz otherwise, i get even more suicidal. I started therapy too, but i dropped out of it cuz i feel that it started to become a bit repetitive. I'll start college in 1 week, and i'm really hyped for it, i'll focus on it so bad, cuz basically i don't have much going on with my life rn, and i really need to distract, cuz real life is really boring right now. I feel that every day is the same, and i think about suicide a lot. It happens randomly, and i really wanted to know what do y'all do when the CTB feelings kick in. I listen to music, i watch youtube videos, i play some games. But sometimes it's way too much for me. If y'all don't think much about it anymore, please let me know how to.

 

[jodes2]

What happened to me to stop having suicidal thoughts were two things: I realised I couldn't do it to my girlfriend. Also I regained an interest in raving. It gave me something to look forward to. Combined with the unpleasantness of killing ones self, the suicidal thoughts just kinda went away

 

[outrider567]

Hello everyone. My life used to be pretty normal, i just studied and played some videogames, until 2021 happened. I started listening to an artist called "Sewerslvt", and covid was happening, so i stayed home most of the time. Sewerslvt songs are pretty depressing, they talk about suicide, sadness, helplessness, etc, and i got so fucking obsessed with it. I wanted to know every sample, watch every anime she ever used in a music video, and well.. let's just say that being "in the sewer" for too long, even the white rats turn grey. And that's what happened. I also started talking a lot with depressed sisters(that i don't talk much anymore), and it ended up with me being extremely depressed, without being able to talk for 5 minutes without crying, and i ended up in a psych ward. My parents didn't forced me, but i really wanted to. I wanted because at home, i was being treated way too normal for the state i was. At the mental hospital, they would give me food, pills, and i would mostly chill. I know that most of y'all that are reading this aren't really fans of stuff like that, but it helped me. After 1 week, i left, and until today, i still take the meds that were prescribed to me, cuz otherwise, i get even more suicidal. I started therapy too, but i dropped out of it cuz i feel that it started to become a bit repetitive. I'll start college in 1 week, and i'm really hyped for it, i'll focus on it so bad, cuz basically i don't have much going on with my life rn, and i really need to distract, cuz real life is really boring right now. I feel that every day is the same, and i think about suicide a lot. It happens randomly, and i really wanted to know what do y'all do when the CTB feelings kick in. I listen to music, i watch youtube videos, i play some games. But sometimes it's way too much for me. If y'all don't think much about it anymore, please let me know how to.

Can't help you--I still think of Suicide all the time

 

[2bemyenemy]

It sounds weird but I started hyper focusing on suicide (what I would do, when, my funeral, etc.) while doing art like painting or even just drawing abstract stuff. They look like shit but art therapy is a good way to channel negativity.

 

[FuneralCry]

But why would anyone be on a suicide discussion in the first place if they don't think about suicide anymore. There is the "recovery" section on here and that is the section for those who want to improve their life and maybe see potential for that to happen, if you want advice about this it's better off posting there. In my case, wanting suicide is all that I know really and my thoughts of suicide are not just some temporary thing that can be avoided. I personally despise existing and I always see non existence as being preferable as I don't wish to suffer in any way.

 

[mrkillmyself]

But why would anyone be on a suicide discussion in the first place if they don't think about suicide anymore. There is the "recovery" section on here and that is the section for those who want to improve their life and maybe see potential for that to happen, if you want advice about this it's better off posting there. In my case, wanting suicide is all that I know really and my thoughts of suicide are not just some temporary thing that can be avoided. I personally despise existing and I always see non existence as being preferable as I don't wish to suffer in any way.

I see, next time i'll post it on recovery, it was my first post here, thanks for letting me know

It sounds weird but I started hyper focusing on suicide (what I would do, when, my funeral, etc.) while doing art like painting or even just drawing abstract stuff. They look like shit but art therapy is a good way to channel negativity.

Damn that's good to know!! I'll try it next time it happens

 

[bolt]

having something to do that requires you to shift your attention and thinking to something else (completing a puzzle, solving a problem, doing a project.... etc.... if you can

 

[VioletNight]

For me personally I've had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. Even when things are good they'll randomly pop up. I've learned to live with them for the most part but just having stuff to look forward to definitely helps quiet them for a while.

 

[living once]

Unrelated to the title but also a big sewerslvt fan since I entered college 2 years ago, her work got me introduced to other jungle/DnB artists so I hope you can enjoy some less depressing stuff, but there's nothing like her music when you are having ideations imo. Distractions like whatever personal hobbies or whatever you have are the most effective in my opinion, they are definitely the reason why I'm still here. If u can pm me ur fave songs from Jvne, haven't seen another fan on this forum yet. Wishing you the best for college.

 

[stermc]

Sometimes it's not about not having these thoughts anymore, but learning how to live/deal with them.
At least that's my case. I think of suicide since I was a child; it has never stopped. I am just in control now.

 

[mrkillmyself]

Unrelated to the title but also a big sewerslvt fan since I entered college 2 years ago, her work got me introduced to other jungle/DnB artists so I hope you can enjoy some less depressing stuff, but there's nothing like her music when you are having ideations imo. Distractions like whatever personal hobbies or whatever you have are the most effective in my opinion, they are definitely the reason why I'm still here. If u can pm me ur fave songs from Jvne, haven't seen another fan on this forum yet. Wishing you the best for college.

yeah fr i discovered that doing art is a GREAT way to make them go away

Sometimes it's not about not having these thoughts anymore, but learning how to live/deal with them.
At least that's my case. I think of suicide since I was a child; it has never stopped. I am just in control now.

kinda like losing your mother or something like that right?

 

[stermc]

kinda like losing your mother or something like that right?

Kinda of learning how to make this part of you coexist with the other parts of you in a way that you have control over it.
In my case, meds and therapy help a little bit, writing my feelings and thoughts too, reading philosophy as well, but nothing has helped me more than observing and getting to know myself deeply. That's how you get on control.
I mean, if there is a way of losing these thoughts, I know it's just not possible for me. Maybe it is for you. And if it is, do whatever it takes to let them go.