I don't know anymore

[AlouA]

it's been a while dear Sasu.. A lot has happened in my life and I'm just glad that this forum is still alive to listen to my problems that i definitely can't open up to just anyone.

Like I said, A lot has happened in my life like my mum dying by suic*de... It sucks,. it sucks so bad... i can't even form coherent thoughts most of the time cuz i just don't follow the events in my life well now... I was the first person to see my mum's lifeless body hanging from our ceiling... It didn't feel real, i thought i should be the one in her place so "why is she there?", i thought. She was the only person to actually "understand" me, atleast put in a strong effort to do so... She was trying to fix me while also facing her own battles. and Finally, she couldn't stand it anymore and slipped. Now i don't have a safe place anymore i fear even my fatherwould leave me... I fear him finding another woman to console his heart, even though he said I'm his priority for now cuz I need to finish college and I'm grateful for that but deep inside i thought that isn't enough.. He should assure me that now that my mum is gone we should stick together and that even though one piece has crossed no one new would fit into it. Sometimes i think I'm the problem and I should disappear alongside my thoughts. Ever since I saw my mum dead. I felt empty, blank..

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss. It's so awful what you have to go through.

 

[Lilithium]

hey there, im really sorry for your loss. i cannot begin to imagine what it's like to go through that, but i don't think you are to blame for what happened, nor for your grief. i genuinely hope you can find ways to give yourself grace, because right now you deserve as much as you can get

 

[tonicer]

You have my heartfelt condolences. That would completely break me. You are amazingly strong to find it in you to still come to this website and write that down looking for some form of help or at least some sympathy of which you have mine. I am always afraid that i find my mom's corpse one day, not because she is suicidal but she is simply very old and her health isn't what it used to be. I live in the same house as her and when i wake up and she's still asleep my anxiety grows until i hear some normal noise coming from downstairs.

 

[boyafraid]

I'm so very sorry for your loss and all the pain you are going through. That's such an awful and hard thing for anyone to deal with.