rainydaystocbt
Member
- Nov 15, 2019
- 9
Tl;dr super long vent about self absorbed flatmate who has depression
As someone who constantly thinks about killing themselves and self harms (primarily through hitting myself but I recently upgraded to cutting) I should have sympathy for my flatmate also dealing with the same shit. But I just... dont.
I know I should, shes been through some shit and it's not like shes the worst person out there but it's so fucking hard for me to even care a little bit.
I know this all stems from my issues, a lot of people I know think I'm on the antisocial personality disorder spectrum (I think its complex-ptsd but who knows lmao maybe is mabeline ) so in a normal situation I have difficulty feeling any genuine emotion especially shit like sympathy/empathy.
I think my biggest issue with her is she acts like no one else has any issues (despite most of the flat have also had abusive childhoods, shit mental health, and a bunch of other spicy bullshit) or when she does she says it in a way like "I shouldnt even feel bad cos other people have had it worse uwu" no that's not what anyone is saying you're shit is valid but also realise you're actions affect people and you're not the centre of the fucking universe.
She never really takes anyone's advice to heart, ever, she refuses to recognise the pattern in her own negative behaviour or take responsibility for her actions.
She also info dumps about her trauma and mental state, a lot- without asking whether its okay. Which is such a bad thing to do- especially when you're surrounded by people who that could be triggering for. Like today she walked into the kitchen and told me and another flatmate she Over Dosed and half of me was like "damn that's rough" but the other half was like?? You dont just spring that on people you fucking ask!!
I know depression and shit like that often gets framed as attention seeking, which is why I either just joke about mine or never speak about it. But she is geniunly one of the most attention seeking people I've ever met; not just about her mental health, last term she would do yoga and stretches in like thr hallway or the kitchen when there were people around, like just got out of her chair and started arching her back when everyone looked confused. She has no sense of boundaries, especially with guys. In the past its really hurt her but she still continues to act like that, one of the flatmates rejected her advances during the first term and she was pissy at him for the rest of that term. When one flatmate had a panic attack she started getting really touchy and messing with his hair which didn't help and tried to shove everyone else out the way (she also got jealous when this flatmate cuddled another flatmate platonically, we all thought she had a crush on him but a) he has a gf and b) shes now moved her attention onto a different flatmate who again, shes had drama with which she made into everyone else's problem)
She never shuts up about how much she helps people, how much of a "carer" she is, how she doesnt get why guys like her when shes not even that pretty omg shut up I was so ugly in middle school omg (insert everyone gushing over how pretty she is)
Its just so fucking hard for me to feel sympathy for someone who does all this shit! And like?? Never seems to put into any effort into helping others, every conversation with her is just you listening to her talk about her issues or something she and no one else has discovered (hey did you know that koreans had their own culture its wild) I just cant fucking stand her right now.
Without her edgy trauma she would be one of the most boring people I've ever met, it's like she doesn't want actual help, she just wants someone to talk at. And the solutions to a lot of her fucking problems are so fucking obvious and she refuses to take the next step
And I get that! Change is fuckinf difficult and I struggle with doing anything but I also then dont whine about my mental health not improving.
For instance, she didnt know whether to do psychotherapy or counselling, because she doesnt know what sort of therapy she needs, counselling helped her in the past but didnt heal her.
Solution? Talk to a counsellor for a bit and with their help find out what kind of therapy would be best for you
"Ugh I dont know I just dont think counselling helped but it also did and it made me so happy but-"
For fucks sake shut up
She reminds me a lot of my extremely emotionally abusive mom, like in a lot of really bad ways. My mom would always go on and on about shit but refused help. Which eventually led to her dying. Which in turn led to me being able to actually have a life.
Am I saying she should kill herself? No! Because shed probably make q big deal out of it and traumatise everyone in the process. She talked to the fucking cleaner about her "self harm scars" (again, not to diminish the girls self harm but she scratched herself up with a butter knife two days ago, I currently have a gash in my arm which I regret putting there cos it's hard to hide, shes walking around sleeveless with massive bandaids on the scratches. ) I just dont get her. At all. Like yes girl you have issues but please take even a fucking baby step to being less of an obnoxious cunt. If any of the other flatmates had self harmed or ODed I'd have a lot more sympathy, why? Because from them it wouldnt feel disingenuous, I'd do my best to care because theyve done their best to care about other people and not turned every situation into a monologue about their dad.
Literally one time me and two other flatmates were chillin, she sits down near us all pouty, and after then talks about how talking to her dad made her sad but also lmao her family loves going to church to take all the free cakes n shit and make fun of religious people but also religion is great.
Me, with religious trauma: vibrates with unwanted memories and confusion
Sorry this is long and no one will read it but I need to get if off my chest
As someone who constantly thinks about killing themselves and self harms (primarily through hitting myself but I recently upgraded to cutting) I should have sympathy for my flatmate also dealing with the same shit. But I just... dont.
I know I should, shes been through some shit and it's not like shes the worst person out there but it's so fucking hard for me to even care a little bit.
I know this all stems from my issues, a lot of people I know think I'm on the antisocial personality disorder spectrum (I think its complex-ptsd but who knows lmao maybe is mabeline ) so in a normal situation I have difficulty feeling any genuine emotion especially shit like sympathy/empathy.
I think my biggest issue with her is she acts like no one else has any issues (despite most of the flat have also had abusive childhoods, shit mental health, and a bunch of other spicy bullshit) or when she does she says it in a way like "I shouldnt even feel bad cos other people have had it worse uwu" no that's not what anyone is saying you're shit is valid but also realise you're actions affect people and you're not the centre of the fucking universe.
She never really takes anyone's advice to heart, ever, she refuses to recognise the pattern in her own negative behaviour or take responsibility for her actions.
She also info dumps about her trauma and mental state, a lot- without asking whether its okay. Which is such a bad thing to do- especially when you're surrounded by people who that could be triggering for. Like today she walked into the kitchen and told me and another flatmate she Over Dosed and half of me was like "damn that's rough" but the other half was like?? You dont just spring that on people you fucking ask!!
I know depression and shit like that often gets framed as attention seeking, which is why I either just joke about mine or never speak about it. But she is geniunly one of the most attention seeking people I've ever met; not just about her mental health, last term she would do yoga and stretches in like thr hallway or the kitchen when there were people around, like just got out of her chair and started arching her back when everyone looked confused. She has no sense of boundaries, especially with guys. In the past its really hurt her but she still continues to act like that, one of the flatmates rejected her advances during the first term and she was pissy at him for the rest of that term. When one flatmate had a panic attack she started getting really touchy and messing with his hair which didn't help and tried to shove everyone else out the way (she also got jealous when this flatmate cuddled another flatmate platonically, we all thought she had a crush on him but a) he has a gf and b) shes now moved her attention onto a different flatmate who again, shes had drama with which she made into everyone else's problem)
She never shuts up about how much she helps people, how much of a "carer" she is, how she doesnt get why guys like her when shes not even that pretty omg shut up I was so ugly in middle school omg (insert everyone gushing over how pretty she is)
Its just so fucking hard for me to feel sympathy for someone who does all this shit! And like?? Never seems to put into any effort into helping others, every conversation with her is just you listening to her talk about her issues or something she and no one else has discovered (hey did you know that koreans had their own culture its wild) I just cant fucking stand her right now.
Without her edgy trauma she would be one of the most boring people I've ever met, it's like she doesn't want actual help, she just wants someone to talk at. And the solutions to a lot of her fucking problems are so fucking obvious and she refuses to take the next step
And I get that! Change is fuckinf difficult and I struggle with doing anything but I also then dont whine about my mental health not improving.
For instance, she didnt know whether to do psychotherapy or counselling, because she doesnt know what sort of therapy she needs, counselling helped her in the past but didnt heal her.
Solution? Talk to a counsellor for a bit and with their help find out what kind of therapy would be best for you
"Ugh I dont know I just dont think counselling helped but it also did and it made me so happy but-"
For fucks sake shut up
She reminds me a lot of my extremely emotionally abusive mom, like in a lot of really bad ways. My mom would always go on and on about shit but refused help. Which eventually led to her dying. Which in turn led to me being able to actually have a life.
Am I saying she should kill herself? No! Because shed probably make q big deal out of it and traumatise everyone in the process. She talked to the fucking cleaner about her "self harm scars" (again, not to diminish the girls self harm but she scratched herself up with a butter knife two days ago, I currently have a gash in my arm which I regret putting there cos it's hard to hide, shes walking around sleeveless with massive bandaids on the scratches. ) I just dont get her. At all. Like yes girl you have issues but please take even a fucking baby step to being less of an obnoxious cunt. If any of the other flatmates had self harmed or ODed I'd have a lot more sympathy, why? Because from them it wouldnt feel disingenuous, I'd do my best to care because theyve done their best to care about other people and not turned every situation into a monologue about their dad.
Literally one time me and two other flatmates were chillin, she sits down near us all pouty, and after then talks about how talking to her dad made her sad but also lmao her family loves going to church to take all the free cakes n shit and make fun of religious people but also religion is great.
Me, with religious trauma: vibrates with unwanted memories and confusion
Sorry this is long and no one will read it but I need to get if off my chest
