Help I don’t have a choice but to CTB

[No life]

Hi guys, I don't know where to start but I've suicidal every day for a year and I actually have no way of turning things around or ever being normal again. I was depressed and when ure that poorly and someone tells u ECT will help u u do it! To cut a long story short I had it done,was never warned by one person the real danger of losing all my memory and I asked for it to b stopped after 3 and I wasn't sectioned they could have stopped it but decided to lie to parents (never even asked my husband) tell them a load of crap and it would b better to carry on! I had 8 and finally just lied said I'm better Im leaving! Ever since this I've had pretty much no intelligence or ability to remember how to cook, read, spell, navigate, there's nothing left of my brain! But I have a job as I've always worked but I am simply unable to do it and being around people now is impossible! I won't see friends and haven't done as while they are busy working, looking after their family I'm lying in bed punishing myself and knowing that my life is over!on top of all this I've tried to get proof that it's damaged me and paid to see a private dr and paid £1400 for a pet scan but they still won't let me have the results! Please if there's any one of u that can give me a ctb method I need out please. Thank u x

 

[No life]

Thank u, I'm too stupid to pull hanging off I know I am. I have money but trying to get N or SA or whatever is impossible in the uk. I would like to try carbon monoxide again or hydrogen sulphide but finding the exact ingredients and the correct amount plus finding somewhere to do it in a tent seems impossible as there's loafs of fields but how do u know a farmer won't disturb u. I can't carry on like this, if it wasn't for my husband I would starve and I literally don't go out the house as it's too painful bumping into people and not knowing who they are! Sorry to rant I'm just so done with this now and the nhs can go fuck themselves
You guys on here are my only source of comfort, I can't cope with being in this world like this.

 

[Walilamdzi]

How can they keep the scan results from you? I hope you can get them.

 

[No life]

God knows but they are, it's a long story but I went private to get the truth and even that dr let me down, he said if I had a pet scan we would know one way or another. The scan was done,he knew how I felt about the nhs and that they wouldn't have it that it caused damage but yet he failed to tell me the results went to a dr at the nhs across the road from where I had ECT. So hence I went to get the results and he produced a report from this nhs doctor but said he couldn't see the scans as his computer system wasn't working,I could see the scans in small at the top of the screen. He sent me a bill for that last consultation, I didn't pay it and they never did chase me! So eventually after many calls from me requesting the scan pictures to him and the scan place they just fobbed me off,my mum phoned the scan place and sai they had to give them to me and she went to pick up a disk. Got home to find it encrypted! So still no scan pictures, they have seen something on there that they don't want me to know

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Same. I can't be normal again. I can't change my mind. I have two choices: live like this (IT SUCKS) or ctb.