J
JustDan
New Member
- Feb 2, 2023
- 1
I don't understand how people are able to just enjoy being alive.
Viewed objectively from the outside, I actually have a good life: I no longer have to live with my parents; my godmother takes good care of me; my university studies are going very well; I have no financial problems; I finally have many, even very close friendships.
Actually, I've achieved everything (besides a relationship) that I've hoped for in the past. Shouldn't I feel satisfied? But I'm still depressed. All these negative, self-deprecating thoughts are still there. And I still feel so exhausted by just existing. I've spent the last 5 years in therapy and progress is stagnating for quite some time now. When I was younger and was dealing with a lot more bullshit, I at least had the hope that if my life got better, I'd feel better too. That hope has since died. I haven't been able to find passion for anything, I'm unable to love myself and even if I got into a relationship, I think it's just another external factor that doesn't change much.
I know that I'm ungrateful for what I have. I believe I just want to CTB again, this time though not in affect but as a deliberate decision. I really don't know what else to do. I'm tired.
Viewed objectively from the outside, I actually have a good life: I no longer have to live with my parents; my godmother takes good care of me; my university studies are going very well; I have no financial problems; I finally have many, even very close friendships.
Actually, I've achieved everything (besides a relationship) that I've hoped for in the past. Shouldn't I feel satisfied? But I'm still depressed. All these negative, self-deprecating thoughts are still there. And I still feel so exhausted by just existing. I've spent the last 5 years in therapy and progress is stagnating for quite some time now. When I was younger and was dealing with a lot more bullshit, I at least had the hope that if my life got better, I'd feel better too. That hope has since died. I haven't been able to find passion for anything, I'm unable to love myself and even if I got into a relationship, I think it's just another external factor that doesn't change much.
I know that I'm ungrateful for what I have. I believe I just want to CTB again, this time though not in affect but as a deliberate decision. I really don't know what else to do. I'm tired.