BasqueClown
Zirkua ata heriotza
- Jun 9, 2022
- 121
I'm lying.
Not to this community.
I'm lying to my family, to my psychiatrist, to my friends.
Part of me is attached to this "Safety plan" to stabilize me after a 1. A psychotic episode crisis triggered by alcohol + drug 2. A forced hospitalization when my alter took control of me in almost 24 days. Then Asenapine and DUloxetine arrived.
Sure, my alter didn't "show", or at least I'm aware of her. Sure, I don't have any episodes since I was discharged from psych ward. Sure, I still have the dream of being married with a woman and retake my teacher carreer...
I don't feel any guilt about my suicide. Even with my aunt, who loves me a lot and she took care of mine in my childhoood and now after my diagnosis. I'm glad she loved me besides judgment, against the posture of my dad and my stepmom who practically dishonored and disheritance me and repeat the "Like mother like daughter" as in "crazy" ones.
I drop out self pityness or self compassion. I don't care if my alter also wants to kill me, or kill herself, or whatever:
Whatever happens, the only peace I figure is in dying.
Makes me glad
Makes me feel relieved
And all that "Yellow september", hotlines, or even worse called "LIFELINES" (Hahahahah) are useless.
No, this isn't my suicide note or my goodbye. Is my inner pact to accept my death.
Planning a suicide isn't easy. I tried since 2 years before and I didn't success it.
So whatever happens I'm not guilt or remorsed about doing it.
Suicide people aren't crazy, or deranged. We are owners of our destinies.
Not to this community.
I'm lying to my family, to my psychiatrist, to my friends.
Part of me is attached to this "Safety plan" to stabilize me after a 1. A psychotic episode crisis triggered by alcohol + drug 2. A forced hospitalization when my alter took control of me in almost 24 days. Then Asenapine and DUloxetine arrived.
Sure, my alter didn't "show", or at least I'm aware of her. Sure, I don't have any episodes since I was discharged from psych ward. Sure, I still have the dream of being married with a woman and retake my teacher carreer...
I don't feel any guilt about my suicide. Even with my aunt, who loves me a lot and she took care of mine in my childhoood and now after my diagnosis. I'm glad she loved me besides judgment, against the posture of my dad and my stepmom who practically dishonored and disheritance me and repeat the "Like mother like daughter" as in "crazy" ones.
I drop out self pityness or self compassion. I don't care if my alter also wants to kill me, or kill herself, or whatever:
Whatever happens, the only peace I figure is in dying.
Makes me glad
Makes me feel relieved
And all that "Yellow september", hotlines, or even worse called "LIFELINES" (Hahahahah) are useless.
No, this isn't my suicide note or my goodbye. Is my inner pact to accept my death.
Planning a suicide isn't easy. I tried since 2 years before and I didn't success it.
So whatever happens I'm not guilt or remorsed about doing it.
Suicide people aren't crazy, or deranged. We are owners of our destinies.