i don't feel anything

[lospollos]

I've wanted to die but for some reason i can't be sad, but not happy - just uncomfortable ALL THE TIME! not sure if it's the depression medication. I just want to fooking die!!! i cut to feel (how cliche) oh well :(. I'm never left home alone and can't buy N so i don't know what route to take out. Also my parents think it's selfish me wanting to die. I just want to cry to someone ... Anyone want to have conversations?

 

[NoOneKnows]

I m sorry, you have to go through that, I felt that way after antipsychotic injections I felt nothing, music made me feel nothing .etc....worst feeling
You are probably young, how old are you may I ask ?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I can´t either, not happy, sad I can´t even feel excitement I don´t have any hobbies anymore I don´t even like video games anymore which has been a big part of my life all my life. Every day is the same over and over again; forum, youtube, watching the same shows and movies over and over for month then those months turn to years I have felt this way for the last 5 years from 20-25 no point in living when you can´t feel, hell I even miss my depression as a teenager at least I could feel something..

 

[JadedGray]

That can be a side effect of anti-depressants. They numb your feelings and can cause a blunted/flat affect. Of course depression in itself causes that too. After years of being on anti-depressants/mood stabilizers/anti-psychotics my brain is fried and I can't feel any real emotions anymore. I'm just a shell of a human being at this point that can't experience any real happiness or enjoyment. Anti-depressants can also increase suicidal ideation as well. I made more suicidal attempts on anti-depressants than off them.

I can´t either, not happy, sad I can´t even feel excitement I don´t have any hobbies anymore I don´t even like video games anymore which has been a big part of my life all my life. Every day is the same over and over again; forum, youtube, watching the same shows and movies over and over for month then those months turn to years I have felt this way for the last 5 years from 20-25 no point in living when you can´t feel, hell I even miss my depression as a teenager at least I could feel something..

This is pretty much what I'm going through, except for about 9 years now... This will be my final year. I can't allow it to continue any longer, it's been going on too long as it is. It's sad that as bad as it was in my teens it was still better than now because at least then I could still enjoy things.

 

[spanishguy22]

That can be a side effect of anti-depressants. They numb your feelings and can cause a blunted/flat affect. Of course depression in itself causes that too. After years of being on anti-depressants/mood stabilizers/anti-psychotics my brain is fried and I can't feel any real emotions anymore. I'm just a shell of a human being at this point that can't experience any real happiness or enjoyment. Anti-depressants can also increase suicidal ideation as well. I made more suicidal attempts on anti-depressants than off them.



This is pretty much what I'm going through, except for about 9 years now... This will be my final year. I can't allow it to continue any longer, it's been going on too long as it is. It's sad that as bad as it was in my teens it was still better than now because at least then I could still enjoy things.

Same guys... I have just been reading my posts in a gaming forum like 7 year ago when I was 14 and even though I was a bit bitter thanks to the shit I was starting to go through already, I had so much life and things I was actually passionate about ... It's so devastating what I've become and I really can't wait to die so I can stop this suffering

 

[JadedGray]

Same guys... I have just been reading my posts in a gaming forum like 7 year ago when I was 14 and even though I was a bit bitter I had so much life and things I was actually passionate about ... It's so devastating what I've become and I really can't wait to die so I can stop this suffering

That's why I deleted all my old posts online from when I was a teenager. I tried reading them 5 years after I posted them and I had to delete them. I can't imagine how much worse I would feel now an extra 4 years later. I'm glad I threw away all photos and reminders of myself from when I was a teenager. I can't even listen to the music I listened to back then.

 

[spanishguy22]

That's why I deleted all my old posts online from when I was a teenager. I tried reading them 5 years after I posted them and I had to delete them. I can't imagine how much worse I would feel now an extra 4 years later. I'm glad I threw away all photos and reminders of myself from when I was a teenager. I can't even listen to the music I listened to back then.

Exactly. I only read for about 5 minutes because it was so painful. But at least it just cements further why I need to do this.
Every time I hear a song from those times that I liked, I'm filled with extreme sadness and anger and I have to go put on headphones or move somewhere else. You aren't alone.

 

[JadedGray]

Exactly. I only read for about 5 minutes because it was so painful. But at least it just cements further why I need to do this.
Every time I hear a song from those times that I liked, I'm filled with extreme sadness and anger and I have to go put on headphones or move somewhere else. You aren't alone.

Nostalgia is painful. It's one of the main reasons I want to CTB.

 

[spanishguy22]

Nostalgia is painful. It's one of the main reasons I want to CTB.

Same. It's poisonous to my mind.

 

[JadedGray]

Same. It's poisonous to my mind.

I wish we could wipe away our memory like in the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_erasure
Too bad I only have short-term memory loss. I can remember things from almost 10 years ago, but not 10 minutes ago.

 

[spanishguy22]

I wish we could wipe away our memory like in the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_erasure
Too bad I only have short-term memory loss. I can remember things from almost 10 years ago, but not 10 minutes ago.

Yeah me too, short term memory loss seems a common theme with depression. I believe the memory loss is actually not due to brain damage like depression but due to everything feeling so extremely dull that it's not registered.

I wouldn't like a deleted memory because then I would be stuck in delusion thinking this is how a normal person feels.
My happy past reminds me that this abhorrent human experience shouldn't be tolerated.

 

[JadedGray]

Yeah me too, short term memory loss seems a common theme with depression. I believe the memory loss is actually not due to brain damage like depression but due to everything feeling so extremely dull that it's not registered.

I wouldn't like a deleted memory because then I would be stuck in delusion thinking this is how a normal person feels.
My happy past reminds me that this abhorrent human experience shouldn't be tolerated.

That's probably a good thing. There's nothing going on in my life now that's worth remembering.

I would only want the bad memories removed and just keep the good ones. At least I could look back at the good times I once had, even if it is painful.

 

[TheFinalCountdown]

Feeling flat is a common effect of antidepressants. I felt that way when I was on them

 

[jayfox]

Feeling flat is a common effect of antidepressants. I felt that way when I was on them

Same and also more suicidal.

 

[lululoo]

That can be a side effect of anti-depressants. They numb your feelings and can cause a blunted/flat affect. Of course depression in itself causes that too. After years of being on anti-depressants/mood stabilizers/anti-psychotics my brain is fried and I can't feel any real emotions anymore. I'm just a shell of a human being at this point that can't experience any real happiness or enjoyment. Anti-depressants can also increase suicidal ideation as well. I made more suicidal attempts on anti-depressants than off them.



This is pretty much what I'm going through, except for about 9 years now... This will be my final year. I can't allow it to continue any longer, it's been going on too long as it is. It's sad that as bad as it was in my teens it was still better than now because at least then I could still enjoy things.

I can relate to both of you. I used to at least enjoy lots of tv and movies and food and books and escapism generally. The list of what I can enjoy gets smaller and smaller. I have one show left that I enjoy and it will be over in three weeks. I guess I still like food, but eating and getting fat just to get through my crap life is not a viable solution.

 

[JadedGray]

I can relate to both of you. I used to at least enjoy lots of tv and movies and food and books and escapism generally. The list of what I can enjoy gets smaller and smaller. I have one show left that I enjoy and it will be over in three weeks. I guess I still like food, but eating and getting fat just to get through my crap life is not a viable solution.

I used to enjoy books too, but I've experienced so much cognitive decline over the years, so now it's much too difficult. Along with short-term memory issues I wouldn't even remember what I was reading anymore, anyways. I could never get into tv series because I have such a short attention span, I feel I would lose interest after a few episodes. That's why I prefer movies. I used to have problems with binge eating for a few days and then starving myself to make up for it, but since getting off anti-depressants I have no interest in food and usually only eat 1x day, just enough to stay alive. Eating also helps in regards to releasing endorphins, which is why it works so well as a coping mechanism, although a destructive one.

 

[gnrluver0105]

Wow, this happened to me some months ago, for like 3 or 4 years, I can't feel or get excited about the things that I used to like, videogames (that was a great part of my teenager years), books, TV, even food wasn't a pleasure, life seemed so plain, I think I'm starting to recover a little, but not to my teenager level

 

[tomz323]

Yup I feel empty too mate

 

[Anjellnight]

Una persona sin emoción alguna...todo el tiempo me siento así...a veces pienso que ya no soy una persona...

 

[Xaphous]

I have constant crippling emotional pain that fades to anhedonia sometimes. I find it impossible to be clear minded.

 

[lospollos]

Aha it's turned into me literally never being able to focus on anything. I feel nothing .... with a bit of insanity on the side