School starts soon for me and I realized that I really don't care about it. If I get good grades and get a job, (which itself is really hard to do right now) so what? What then? It doesn't really mean anything. It's hard to explain, but it's like I would only just be keeping myself alive doing the same thing over and over for no purpose, for the rest of my life.
Pretty much everything average people like me do gets forgotten a couple years after we die anyway. We aren't celebrities or world famous or that important to society. So why go through years of struggle and all-nighters to acheive forgettable mediocracy?
Felt this completely, though I'm sure this is just start of semester nerves, on top of the fact that this is my last semester at community college and I'll be transferring to University next semester as well, so I'm tweaking about that too.
Only reason I wanna do well is merit based aid, and that's literally it. I completely understand the sentiment though. We go through all this hard work, late nights, and struggling for what could achieve nothing. In this job market, a degree guarantees nothing. Sure, you stand out from the non-degree holders, but experience trumps degrees, and there's more and more degree holders entering the market each year so it's harder to compete.
All that for forgettable mediocrity, as you said.
I can't imagine how I could work in an office for 8 hours a day and not kill myself even if all my other problems were magically solved.
How will I even finish my education if I have depressive episodes that last months and can't get out of bed? More like depressive seasons at this point and the show is not getting canceled.
I really don't care anymore either.
i think I'd like an office 8 hours a day, at least more so than my laborious summer job where I was outside 10 hours a day. Seems very pleasant in comparison.
It feels like my episodes are lasting longer than usual recently as well, not exactly as long as you're describing yours, but still longer than my usual.
