Venting I don't belong in this word, in this body, or anywhere.

[Maplethemorbid]

I should not be alive I do not think I should have even been born. I literally can't keep reflective surfaces in my room because everytime I see my face I just want to get a straight razor and carve it clean off. I have the wrong bits that I was born with and they are slowly poisoning me and making my life less tolerable on a daily basis. My values seem at odds with the actions of the system I live in. I just can't stand any of it.

Edit: Just going to use this post to store my venting, I also have a massive issue with paranoia, I don't let my self keep animals or be around children because I always worry that if they get attached someone is just going to torment them because I made them upset. I just wish all of the thoughts in my head would stop I wish I could experience the level of ignorance to anything bad that could happen most people have, I fucking hate constantly thinking about how people are going to hurt me or the things I i love, I hate feeling like my body isn't mine, I hate laying in bed all day because anything else is to stressful to my worthless brain.

 

[sserafim]

I should not be alive I do not think I should have even been born. I literally can't keep reflective surfaces in my room because everytime I see my face I just want to get a straight razor and carve it clean off. I have the wrong bits that I was born with and they are slowly poisoning me and making my life less tolerable on a daily basis. My values seem at odds with the actions of the system I live in. I just can't stand any of it.

Edit: Just going to use this post to store my venting, I also have a massive issue with paranoia, I don't let my self keep animals or be around children because I always worry that if they get attached someone is just going to torment them because I made them upset. I just wish all of the thoughts in my head would stop I wish I could experience the level of ignorance to anything bad that could happen most people have, I fucking hate constantly thinking about how people are going to hurt me or the things I i love, I hate feeling like my body isn't mine, I hate laying in bed all day because anything else is to stressful to my worthless brain.

I feel you. I don't belong in this world either. Unfortunately I'm neurodivergent (autism/Asperger's, ADHD) and I will never fit in. The world was not built or meant for people like me, and I don't see a point in me continuing to live in it. I wish I could've been neurotypical, or been neurodivergent in a neurodivergent world instead.

 

[fwompie]

I'm sorry to hear you're also struggling with this, your post is very relatable. Not feeling like you belong in this world AND in your body just makes it feel like there's no escape. Luckily pets are very forgiving if you usually treat them right, even if you get upset with them sometimes. That's just something you'd have to force yourself to try to get rid of those intrusive thoughts, but it is really hard. Hard to let people in when you have those feelings about yourself.