I agree tbh. I'd rather be dead than live the life I'm currently living. People always tell me "people turn their lives around all the time". For example this guy I was in prison with got out recently and he's in a bad way. He's broke and homeless. He spends what little money he has on hostels. The other day he said "I can't live like this" I said "what are you gonna do?" He is going to accept his father's offer of financial help (I'm talking tens of thousands), move in with his brothers and use that money to go into business with them. I couldn't believe it. That's the type of person who can turn their life around. From a rich family, lots of business connections to exploit, and years of experience hustling. The average person in our situations doesn't have that unfortunately. It's fucked up but it's the way the world works.
oh my god?? that would piss me off so bad. like thats great for him, but clearly he always had great fucking things. i HATE when people try and pretend like this isnt a huge game where your fate was pretty much sealed before you even existed. if its all down to luck anyways, may as well take back the one thing i have fucking control over. existing. i cant wait to die and all these arbitrary rules and corrupt systems fade away. i know if they had it their way they would make us all immortal and force us to slave away at the promise of death. fuck everything.
Heroin?I thought you used alcohol to cope,when did you start H?
I've also just been existing, working my job, doing everything I need to, but feeling nothing about any of it. Just the mundane monotony itself is eating away at me every single day.
Just not excited about anything.
LOL this is actually so embarrassing omg. i do still use alcohol to cope now and then, but ive done so much shit that alcohol doesnt feel like much different to sobriety. and i cant be bothered to get fucked enough on it. the heroin isnt an actual thing i promise, i just bought it for fun and felt like making this post somewhat more interesting.
yeah i agree, im literally just existing for no reason at this point. i used to think i was waiting for something that never came, then i realised im not actually waiting for anything. there is nothing else. this is fucking it. i dont know if ill be dead this month or next year or god knows when, but its coming. im letting myself go slowly insane. once that SN arrives, itll start feeling more and more in reach for me. this whole act of life has always been a goddamn waiting game.
You say that there isn't a place you belong? Surely you belong on here with the rest of us?
I know it doesn't fix real life but I'm here posting because it makes me feel less alone.
yeah youre right, and thank you so much i didnt mean to seem angry at sasu, i love you guys <3 this site is the only thing that makes me feel alive anymore. i come here every night religiously, and just read everyones posts and comments. its the only thing that makes me feel sane. every aspect of 'normal' life feels bizarre to me. i see mutuals posting their normal fun happy lives and it feels like im in another fucking dimension. nothing is real anymore. im less scared to get out of this place. its some fucked up fever dream. but as long as im here, sasu will always be a comfort to me. thank you again, and i hope you are doing well also. wishing you peace :)
Sorry to hear that. Recognizing patterns could be useful but finding people with the same interests could be a good idea to start. I myself haven't done it yet but maybe a few days before my SN event.
I don't do drugs but my job sucks to the point where my boss pretends to be helpful and nice and at the same time sends newly employed retards to screw me up. The problem is that they are incompetent or just mock me. I did their own job and pointed out their own mistakes. I think they are doing it to push me out. I wish i could get fentanyl and fall asleep with a nice feeling. I don't think I can do drugs or find them. I don't know what being high is.
the only pattern i seem to be able to recognise is how absurd this all is, sadly. nothing makes sense about being alive in this society. i feel like im slowly going insane.
i feel for you, having a shitty job or coworkers makes it alot worse. i hate that we dont even have a choice. its that or homelessness. or suicide, if were lucky.
drugs are so hard to get normally, youd need to go on the dark web or have connections in real life. but even drugs dont get rid of anything, its all a temporary distraction. there is no escape as long as you are alive. just an endless mindfucking loop. i dont know how most people do it, must be something wrong with my programming.
i wish you the best with your life, and i hope things get better for you at work. <3
