I don't belong anywhere

[spinningship]

Just stop this fucking nightmare why did I have to be born with this shitty fucking disease. All that matters in life is human connection and I have no one and never will I always push them away. My identity is so shit I don't deserve anyone anyway i'm just a fucking burden on their time. To be aware of how limited of a person I seem to others and simultaneously have no way of changing it.

My life is the same every single day everyone abandons me I have nothing.

 

[Georg]

It sounds like we are in the same boat, but alone. Other than that I have nothing smart to say except that having diseases is not your fault. Life is nothing but gambling except that nobody asks you if you want to participate, you are forced to participate.

 

[SilentSadness]

You're right, it's so unfair that some of us get born with diseases that make every day even worse than they are already. You definitely don't deserve to be alone or miserable; you haven't done anything wrong. Sadly it's just a cycle of suffering that keeps getting replenished with new life and new suffering. I hope that you get some moments of peace from your terrible disease.

 

[AngryDog]

May I ask what disease do you have? If it's something that makes social interactions difficult, it can be challenging to feel accepted in a friend group or community.

 

[spinningship]

May I ask what disease do you have? If it's something that makes social interactions difficult, it can be challenging to feel accepted in a friend group or community.

autism. Yeah i'm too anxious to go to big social groups or events and then they start thinking I don't like them and I end up just not seeing anyone all day.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly believe that some people aren't meant for existing, that's the way that I've always felt, but it's true that existing in this world really can be torture and it's a curse to have the ability to suffer. There certainly could never be anything fair about this. But I just think that after all, you cannot trust and rely on people, very often other people just create more suffering.

 

[Lavander 230]

Just stop this fucking nightmare why did I have to be born with this shitty fucking disease. All that matters in life is human connection and I have no one and never will I always push them away. My identity is so shit I don't deserve anyone anyway i'm just a fucking burden on their time. To be aware of how limited of a person I seem to others and simultaneously have no way of changing it.

My life is the same every single day everyone abandons me I have nothing.

Woah woah, slow down and calm down. If you gonna act like this, no one could help you, not even us. You have to be patient and explain your issues while you are in the right mindset.

autism. Yeah i'm too anxious to go to big social groups or events and then they start thinking I don't like them and I end up just not seeing anyone all day.

I have autism too, but I got over it. As you get older autism seems to affect you less and less, or at least this is a case for me.

 

[spinningship]

Woah woah, slow down and calm down. If you gonna act like this, no one could help you, not even us. You have to be patient and explain your issues while you are in the right mindset.

I have autism too, but I got over it. As you get older autism seems to affect you less and less, or at least this is a case for me.

I don't want help maybe I just want to vent maybe I shouldn't vent maybe I should just bottle shit up this forum allows me to just say what's on my mind sometimes. It makes me feel better if it bothers you I guess you just don't read the post maybe I should have put venting tag. There's no where I feel I can vent maybe you're privileged enough to just be able to speak to people in your life but I have fucking no one.

Or rather I do want help but I don't believe it's possible I believe the situation is just gonna get worse from here. I'm in college which as far as i'm concerned as the last chance for people to actually become friends with each other. In adult life everyone just sticks to themselves and has a family etcetra so if I don't have friends now I never will. I believe the further I go through life the further behind I will be and the more pathetic i'll seem.

 

[stoopid]

You can now belong here until one goes to eternal sleep. We got all a nasty disease, called life.

 

[Veraz]

autism. Yeah i'm too anxious to go to big social groups or events and then they start thinking I don't like them and I end up just not seeing anyone all day.

Ah... this rings true for me as well. In fact, it's more or less my exact reason for wanting to ctb, so I understand how you feel. Even at 27, with no relationship and no job, having not gone to college, it feels like there is no hope of a future with substance, and I gradually came to the realization that I don't belong in this world. I am too far gone, and not equipped to deal with adult life at all.

I don't know if reading this will help or not, but just wanted to let you know that at least 1 person can empathize with what your feeling. I feel the same exact way myself every single day.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that I sometimes wish there were resources available specifically for autistic people with suicidal tendencies. The suicide rate is significantly higher in people with ASD than in the general population, and you can't even go to places like r/autism for support, because they only want to hear about how amazing a gift it is to be different. Reality is quite the opposite though.

 

[AngryDog]

Autism isn't a disease but a mental disorder which means it isn't something that can be "cured" or caused by external factors. There's nothing wrong with being autistic, and it's not your fault at all.

I won't tell you that I know how it feels (I'm an introvert but not autistic), but I know it suuuuucks. People usually are unprepared to deal with an autistic person and can be real assholes when given the chance. People with autism often have to deal with a lot of humilliation in their lives. It's so unfair because you have to live in a world that's hostile to your own existence.

But none of this is your fault, and I don't know how intense your autism is in the spectrum, but you can have a good life, learn new things, change some habits, etc. I don't think it's a death sentence. It seems that you live in a specially hostile environment.

 

[spinningship]

Autism isn't a disease but a mental disorder which means it isn't something that can be "cured" or caused by external factors. There's nothing wrong with being autistic, and it's not your fault at all.

I won't tell you that I know how it feels (I'm an introvert but not autistic), but I know it suuuuucks. People usually are unprepared to deal with an autistic person and can be real assholes when given the chance. People with autism often have to deal with a lot of humilliation in their lives. It's so unfair because you have to live in a world that's hostile to your own existence.

But none of this is your fault, and I don't know how intense your autism is in the spectrum, but you can have a good life, learn new things, change some habits, etc. I don't think it's a death sentence. It seems that you live in a specially hostile environment.

Yeah I've dealt with getting bullied here. Imagine getting bullied in college some people don't believe that's even possible. I was living with a bunch of people who basically just abused my social naivety to get me to do all sorts of embarrassing shit and it lead to me having a complete mental breakdown and getting psychosis.

That's half of why I don't trust any of the few friends I have as half of my brain is paranoid about them exploiting me and I can't relax around them.

I appreciate your words it certainly feels like a death sentence sometimes though. My autism flew under the radar for 18 years so it is on the mild end I suppose but it certainly doesn't feel like that to me. I think i'm high functioning enough to be expected to cope on my own and be like everyone else but not high functioning enough to be able to blend in.

 

[silverbullet09]

autism. Yeah i'm too anxious to go to big social groups or events and then they start thinking I don't like them and I end up just not seeing anyone all day.

Yeah I'm in the same boat as you guys. Autistic and no job, relationship, or friends. I feel so ill-equipped as an adult. I don't even know how to make friends really. It sucks, it makes it hard to want to go on because there is nothing to look forward to in life. I feel like I'm barely living. I just live off disability and try to let the time pass by as best I can every day. I'm feel so lonely and life feels pointless.

Just wanted to say you are not alone.

 

[borderline-feline]

Yeah I've dealt with getting bullied here. Imagine getting bullied in college some people don't believe that's even possible. I was living with a bunch of people who basically just abused my social naivety to get me to do all sorts of embarrassing shit and it lead to me having a complete mental breakdown and getting psychosis.

That's half of why I don't trust any of the few friends I have as half of my brain is paranoid about them exploiting me and I can't relax around them.

I appreciate your words it certainly feels like a death sentence sometimes though. My autism flew under the radar for 18 years so it is on the mild end I suppose but it certainly doesn't feel like that to me. I think i'm high functioning enough to be expected to cope on my own and be like everyone else but not high functioning enough to be able to blend in.

I definitely understand what you're talking about. I often feel very alienated by other people's refusal to try and understand the types of things that I struggle with. People don't try to understand my sensory sensitivity and consistently downplay how difficult things are when I become overstimulated.

So many people don't seem to understand that autism still impairs people and results in the need for accommodations. If they can't see that you have a disability, then they end up doing everything in their power to make your issues worse. Mild or not, autism is still autism, and it's terrible that you've experienced so many hardships that people don't attempt to understand.

I hope that you can be free of that pain.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Same condition, same feelings.

I still feel it's possible for you to find someone who accepts and values you. Unfortunately, if you declare itself impossible and give up on it, then the chance for finding such people becomes a big fat 0%....

 

[KlMeNw]

Autism isn't a disease but a mental disorder which means it isn't something that can be "cured" or caused by external factors. There's nothing wrong with being autistic, and it's not your fault at all.

I won't tell you that I know how it feels (I'm an introvert but not autistic), but I know it suuuuucks. People usually are unprepared to deal with an autistic person and can be real assholes when given the chance. People with autism often have to deal with a lot of humilliation in their lives. It's so unfair because you have to live in a world that's hostile to your own existence.

But none of this is your fault, and I don't know how intense your autism is in the spectrum, but you can have a good life, learn new things, change some habits, etc. I don't think it's a death sentence. It seems that you live in a specially hostile environment.

Look man, I know you mean well but lets not misconstrue the reality of Autism. Autism is Not a mental disorder, mental disorders like DID, Bi-polar and Schizophrenia are chemical imbalances. Autism IS a disease, it just happens to be a genetic one. Certain dormant genes carrying autistic markers get activated at a certain stage of development which causes parts of the brain to literally re-wire themselves . Those re-wired regions of the brain demonstrate tremendous over-activity, causing the symptoms we know as ASD. My son is autistic and I have done extensive research into this over the years. Sometimes autists don't want to hear people placate them and infantilize their pain by telling them they are superior to neuro-typicals or that they are just another branch on the tree of evolution. Sometimes they don't want to hear they can grow out of it, which in most cases is just good masking skills. Sometimes they just want their pain to be acknowledged so they can deal, get stronger, and move on with their lives.

 

[AngryDog]

Look man, I know you mean well but lets not misconstrue the reality of Autism. Autism is Not a mental disorder, mental disorders like DID, Bi-polar and Schizophrenia are chemical imbalances. Autism IS a disease, it just happens to be a genetic one. Certain dormant genes carrying autistic markers get activated at a certain stage of development which causes parts of the brain to literally re-wire themselves . Those re-wired regions of the brain demonstrate tremendous over-activity, causing the symptoms we know as ASD. My son is autistic and I have done extensive research into this over the years. Sometimes autists don't want to hear people placate them and infantilize their pain by telling them they are superior to neuro-typicals or that they are just another branch on the tree of evolution. Sometimes they don't want to hear they can grow out of it, which in most cases is just good masking skills. Sometimes they just want their pain to be acknowledged so they can deal, get stronger, and move on with their lives.

Autism is not a disease. It is currently being discussed whether to classify it as a mental disorder or as part of neurodiversity. The latter proposes it is a disability that needs to be accomodated, not treated or cured. I'm not downplaying the suffering associated with being autistic but calling it a disease isn't helpful, and neither the DSM-5 nor any health organization that I heard of classifies it as such.

If someone who has the disorder lives in a place where is constantly shamed because of their social limitations, they will end up feeling there's nothing they can do but to live in a permanent state of misery. However, I believe that it's society that needs to change, especially the way it treats people with special needs. Every autism is different and there are different levels of support needed depending on any individual. I know I sound vague, but it all really comes down to that.

 

[Veraz]

Autism is not a disease. It is currently being discussed whether to classify it as a mental disorder or as part of neurodiversity. The latter proposes it is a disability that needs to be accomodated, not treated or cured. I'm not downplaying the suffering associated with being autistic but calling it a disease isn't helpful, and neither the DSM-5 nor any health organization that I heard of classifies it as such.

If someone who has the disorder lives in a place where is constantly shamed because of their social limitations, they will end up feeling there's nothing they can do but to live in a permanent state of misery. However, I believe that it's society that needs to change, especially the way it treats people with special needs. Every autism is different and there are different levels of support needed depending on any individual. I know I sound vague, but it all really comes down to that.

You are correct in that it is not classified as a disease by the DSM-V, or any health organization for that matter. Technically speaking, it's classified as a developmental disorder. I think most people already know that, though. The reason OP likely called it as such is because the loneliness and feelings of isolation it causes leads to a lot of suffering for people.

If anything, the sheer number of replies in this thread from other autistic people who feel the same way as the OP really highlights the need for better resources for people like us. The sad truth is that suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for people with ASD (the first is epilepsy). But it ranks higher than heart attacks and cancer... which really goes to show just how bad it is.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You are correct in that it is not classified as a disease by the DSM-V, or any health organization for that matter. Technically speaking, it's classified as a developmental disorder. I think most people already know that, though. The reason OP likely called it as such is because the loneliness and feelings of isolation it causes leads to a lot of suffering for people.

If anything, the sheer number of replies in this thread from other autistic people who feel the same way as the OP really highlights the need for better resources for people like us. The sad truth is that suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for people with ASD (the first is epilepsy). But it ranks higher than heart attacks and cancer... which really goes to show just how bad it is.

Oh yes, autistic people are very disproportionately represented here. And just speaking about myself, I'm not sure there could have been any resources ghat would have meaningfully enough made up for my deficiencies...

 

[Mickdom]

Autism impacts so much on the social aspect of life, the fear of hearing negativity from those around you when going out just voids the idea of ever wanting to go out.

People can be very toxic in this world and not realise what negativity can do to those who just want to try and fit in.

Mick

 

[spinningship]

Autism is not a disease. It is currently being discussed whether to classify it as a mental disorder or as part of neurodiversity. The latter proposes it is a disability that needs to be accomodated, not treated or cured. I'm not downplaying the suffering associated with being autistic but calling it a disease isn't helpful, and neither the DSM-5 nor any health organization that I heard of classifies it as such.

If someone who has the disorder lives in a place where is constantly shamed because of their social limitations, they will end up feeling there's nothing they can do but to live in a permanent state of misery. However, I believe that it's society that needs to change, especially the way it treats people with special needs. Every autism is different and there are different levels of support needed depending on any individual. I know I sound vague, but it all really comes down to that.

You think I don't know this. Yeah there's a bunch of people hardly affected by it that are lining up to deny us treatment. Me having little empathy for others it's not societies fault for treating me like shit. An ideal society we would be euthanized.