Hello everyone,
This is my first post. I have been so frustrated with the mainstream and commercial take on mental health for many years. My story has always scared people off, and as I've gotten older, I'm starting to realise just how difficult life is for me, and seemingly going to continue to be.
My grandmother, my mum's dad, committed suicide by hanging. I was 3 months old at the time. My mum never told me what happened until I was about 10, in which she basically made me guess what happened to my grandfather. It traumatized me a lot as a kid, and I didn't have anyone to speak to about it. To this day, I still don't know why he took his own life.
My mum killed herself some years later, when I was 17. She attempted an overdose a few weeks before, and then eventually hung herself. This completely ruined my life. At this time, the kids who were around me, didn't take the situation seriously and saw me as burden. I was made fun of, people called me "broken", and I was excluded a lot at social gatherings. People made me feel like I was a freak.
Some years later my dad died from alcoholism. A slow suicide, so to speak. I was 23, before his death I somewhat got my life back on track, but then got totally derailed and was abusing drugs for a few years as a result.
I've tried so hard to make something of myself, for my life not to feel pointless. I am a talented person, I'm very creative, and been picked up by major brands and businesses. But every time I just crumble, and they make it clear that they made a mistake with me. That I'm too high risk, not worth taking on.
I'm nearly in my mid-30's. I'm estranged from my family, I have no close friends. I have no one I can trust in my life, and I'm so scared. I don't trust the mainstream media, and I'm not saying I'm a conspiracy theorists, just the last few years have been so strange and heavy.
I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna pour my life into people, businesses, etc, that are seemingly corrupt, for the sake of being able to afford to live. I've done well on social media, as a content creator, but I also want to completely shut it all down because I'm always being made to feel that I'm not good enough for actual work in my field.
Sorry, I know I went off topic there. But I am scared, I don't know what to do, or have anyone in my life who possess any proper critical and logical thinking. I'm completely isolated and have no one to turn to.
This is my first post. I have been so frustrated with the mainstream and commercial take on mental health for many years. My story has always scared people off, and as I've gotten older, I'm starting to realise just how difficult life is for me, and seemingly going to continue to be.
My grandmother, my mum's dad, committed suicide by hanging. I was 3 months old at the time. My mum never told me what happened until I was about 10, in which she basically made me guess what happened to my grandfather. It traumatized me a lot as a kid, and I didn't have anyone to speak to about it. To this day, I still don't know why he took his own life.
My mum killed herself some years later, when I was 17. She attempted an overdose a few weeks before, and then eventually hung herself. This completely ruined my life. At this time, the kids who were around me, didn't take the situation seriously and saw me as burden. I was made fun of, people called me "broken", and I was excluded a lot at social gatherings. People made me feel like I was a freak.
Some years later my dad died from alcoholism. A slow suicide, so to speak. I was 23, before his death I somewhat got my life back on track, but then got totally derailed and was abusing drugs for a few years as a result.
I've tried so hard to make something of myself, for my life not to feel pointless. I am a talented person, I'm very creative, and been picked up by major brands and businesses. But every time I just crumble, and they make it clear that they made a mistake with me. That I'm too high risk, not worth taking on.
I'm nearly in my mid-30's. I'm estranged from my family, I have no close friends. I have no one I can trust in my life, and I'm so scared. I don't trust the mainstream media, and I'm not saying I'm a conspiracy theorists, just the last few years have been so strange and heavy.
I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna pour my life into people, businesses, etc, that are seemingly corrupt, for the sake of being able to afford to live. I've done well on social media, as a content creator, but I also want to completely shut it all down because I'm always being made to feel that I'm not good enough for actual work in my field.
Sorry, I know I went off topic there. But I am scared, I don't know what to do, or have anyone in my life who possess any proper critical and logical thinking. I'm completely isolated and have no one to turn to.
