Venting i don;t want to leave my room

[heatnormal]

when i wake up in the morning, my brain instantly wants to end itself; understandable, since cortisol peaks in the morning, but it's exhausting to need to remind myself of coping mechanisms, or even 'how to get out of bed properly'. i can be okay -- in the next second, the realization hits me that i perform olympic levels of mental gymnastics to take basic care of this meat mech. it's not strange to think that i'll be like this forever. what am i working towards, really? 'being better' -- but what does that mean? de-radicalizing myself? is there really only one way to live?

i want to go back to when i barely left my room.

 

[timf]

is there really only one way to live?

As long as you can get moving, you can explore and experiment with possibilities. You might discover something that is not drudgery, but something you even enjoy.