notherenotnow
july 3rd
- Oct 7, 2023
- 226
There was this one boy in my class. He was from Ukraine. His name was Ivan. He joined my class in 2nd year of highschool. It's been 4 years and now he's fucking dead.
It didnt happen recently. He killed himself in the middle of the last year of highschool. He didnt know polish at all and only knew a little bit of english, so only other kids from Ukraine were able to talk to him, which they never did.
Ivan was a "weird" kid. He hardly ever went to school and even when he would come then he wasnt able to do much. I mean it when I say that he didnt know polish at all, and we're in poland. From my, absolutely not professional view, I always thought that he was being either neglected or abused. My history teacher once told us that Ivan's family is terrible and that his parents arent treating him well. But none of my classmates ever saw that. He once told a teacher that his legs hurt, and that became the biggest joke in my class. My classmates would always bully him and mock him. So did most of the teachers.
And then he killed himself. I live in Danzig, so right next to the sea. There's some kind of bridge above the water. It was january and so damn cold. i cant even imagien how cold the water was. And Ivan threw himself into it and died.
Before he did that, I was thinking about telling the principal or maybe the police about how the teachers were treating him. fuck the teenageres, you wont do anything about them. And the teachers were mocking him in front of the whole class. I didnt do it because I was so terrfied that I would also be mocked by the teachers.
It's been so long and I still cannot stop thinking about it. I'm not sure if I'm guilty. I'm rather jealous that he succeded and i didnt. That he was able to escape. If I'm guilty for anything, then it's the fact that I never tried talking to him. i wish i could go back and make his time in this shit of a country just a little bit better. i wish i could go back in time and kill myself along him. If heaven exists, then I hope he's happy there. If reincarnation exists, then I hope he has a better life now. I feel so damn bad for being this jealous of the fact that he's dead and i'm not. I dont know what the fuck is this post about, Im sorry
It didnt happen recently. He killed himself in the middle of the last year of highschool. He didnt know polish at all and only knew a little bit of english, so only other kids from Ukraine were able to talk to him, which they never did.
Ivan was a "weird" kid. He hardly ever went to school and even when he would come then he wasnt able to do much. I mean it when I say that he didnt know polish at all, and we're in poland. From my, absolutely not professional view, I always thought that he was being either neglected or abused. My history teacher once told us that Ivan's family is terrible and that his parents arent treating him well. But none of my classmates ever saw that. He once told a teacher that his legs hurt, and that became the biggest joke in my class. My classmates would always bully him and mock him. So did most of the teachers.
And then he killed himself. I live in Danzig, so right next to the sea. There's some kind of bridge above the water. It was january and so damn cold. i cant even imagien how cold the water was. And Ivan threw himself into it and died.
Before he did that, I was thinking about telling the principal or maybe the police about how the teachers were treating him. fuck the teenageres, you wont do anything about them. And the teachers were mocking him in front of the whole class. I didnt do it because I was so terrfied that I would also be mocked by the teachers.
It's been so long and I still cannot stop thinking about it. I'm not sure if I'm guilty. I'm rather jealous that he succeded and i didnt. That he was able to escape. If I'm guilty for anything, then it's the fact that I never tried talking to him. i wish i could go back and make his time in this shit of a country just a little bit better. i wish i could go back in time and kill myself along him. If heaven exists, then I hope he's happy there. If reincarnation exists, then I hope he has a better life now. I feel so damn bad for being this jealous of the fact that he's dead and i'm not. I dont know what the fuck is this post about, Im sorry
