I didn't get drunk enough to overcome my SI and I am extremely pissed off with myself.

[SHThrowAway213]

Spent a good hour sat on a bench and walking around, getting drunk.
Tried at the level crossing. Someone was sat on the bench and kept staring at me when I was at the gate, so I got paranoid and walked on.
So I went back to the station.
3 fucking trains passed and by the 3rd I just felt so defeated and hopeless I cried.
I think next time I need to start drinking by the time I leave my house and hopefully get blackout drunk.
I think it is the only way to overcome my SI.
I'm so fucking mad, I always do this, I always make a big fucking deal out of it too on here and its embarrassing.
My next opportunity is Monday.

 

[Ghost2211]

No need to be embarrassed. We are here for you. SI is a powerful thing to overcome. Were you trying to die by train or just take the train to the cliff? Are you sure being drunk isn't making it harder?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

No need to be embarrassed. We are here for you. SI is a powerful thing to overcome. Were you trying to die by train or just take the train to the cliff? Are you sure being drunk isn't making it harder?

Die by train.
Yes I am, I'm usually more impulsive while drunk.

 

[Ghost2211]

Die by train.
Yes I am, I'm usually more impulsive while drunk.

Maybe seeing trains more will desensitize you to it. that seems scary to me, like more so than cliff jumping. It makes me sad to hear you've been backed into such a corner.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Maybe seeing trains more will desensitize you to it. that seems scary to me, like more so than cliff jumping. It makes me sad to hear you've been backed into such a corner.

I was watching the trains while I was a bit drunk.
I thought a train would be easier as you are just stepping in front of a moving object, while with a cliff you have a huge drop

 

[Homecoming]

Me drunk posting on SS again

 

[Churaak]

I don't trust trains. They tend to slow down if they spot you. Some of them are not going that fast to begin with. Also, most of them should have some sort of protection so you don't get under the wheels.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I wouldn't be embarrassed, it takes a lot of bravery to go through with the biggest decision you'll make. Share the booze! I hope it's at least keeping you warm.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I don't trust trains. They tend to slow down if they spot you. Some of them are not going that fast to begin with. Also, most of them should have some sort of protection so you don't get under the wheels.

I would have to make sure it is one of the longer, faster trains that travel across the country.
They usually go around 50 mph past that section.
There is also the small trains that stop at the local station. They are usally going quite slow at the level crossing I was at, because the station isnt that far away and they have to stop at the station.

 

[virtualoctopus]

ouch. that seems like a messy way to die. You should just take up skydiving and forget to pull the chord one of those times. You'd most likely be dead on impact and atleast have a good view on the way down. Personally, I don't like the idea of instantaneous brain death since it robs you of the experience of death (in which your brain releases a shit ton of chemicals including DMT But to each his own, I guess.

 

[Lilacmoon]

There's still another chance. It takes so much to beat SI and everything, I think that's a struggle we all can relate to. At least you got to have a good drink?

 

[Sinkinshyp]

there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Trains run everyday. I would find it very frightening to be so close with all the noises they make. I think it would scare me out of it.. I'll take a shot or 5 of that sambuca =) please

 

[TooConscious]

My friend you are placing yourself in front of several hundred tons it's as simple as you say: SI don't feel any worse than you've already felt that's led you to this decision, imo you did well to go out with the intention for a start.

I can't bring myself to it either because the spots I've found only see the train go past at about 70mph max and I'm scared I'll be in that 5-10% that gets flung into the air and kept on life support etc. Don't listen to all the evil supposed 'do gooders' "think of the poor train driver!" trying to make you feel like the worst person to ever have existed I tell you these people are doing it out of sadism or some self righteousness because they've treated others badly in their life so think they're doing good when in fact making others pain worse.
Good luck with your life.

 

[TripleA]

Spent a good hour sat on a bench and walking around, getting drunk.
Tried at the level crossing. Someone was sat on the bench and kept staring at me when I was at the gate, so I got paranoid and walked on.
So I went back to the station.
3 fucking trains passed and by the 3rd I just felt so defeated and hopeless I cried.
I think next time I need to start drinking by the time I leave my house and hopefully get blackout drunk.
I think it is the only way to overcome my SI.
I'm so fucking mad, I always do this, I always make a big fucking deal out of it too on here and its embarrassing.
My next opportunity is Monday.

Mix vodka and beer

 

[TheSomebody]

There is no worse feeling than wanting to disappear while stuck in your own existence because your brain forces you to live