Nanimoaru
I wanna fade away like I never was
- Sep 15, 2018
- 153
So yea I did something extremely dumb..I told my friend I foind an exit partner and I was to ctb this october. I was elated, I was so excited that my suffering was going to be over..it's human nature to share news you think is good. I told them thinking they'd understand. I was wrong. So while my ex isnt the reason im going to ctb, he benefits from it in my opinion. He can finally be free and date whoever he wants while im at peace. I still love him and those feelings are unrequited. We can't even have a casual convo anymore its all static and awkward. They start insulting my ex which i would not tolerate. That ex coming into my life stopped me from ctb at 23, that ex housed me and fed me when my grandma kicked me out, that ex defended me when my mither said i lied about being raped.....Honestly ive been more toxic to him than the other way around. I want him to be happy and free but his absence kills me inside.
The friend said that this mindset wasnt my own. The problem is that yes it is, if you put a band aid on a gash, the gash will still be there when the band aid falls off. I get it, its human nature not to want to see your friends go, to want to helo but i dont want help! Its like throwing me a life preserver while i want tondo drown, im just gonna yeet that shit right back to you. I learned the way to keep this part secret.
I will now await whacks to the head for.being foolish
The friend said that this mindset wasnt my own. The problem is that yes it is, if you put a band aid on a gash, the gash will still be there when the band aid falls off. I get it, its human nature not to want to see your friends go, to want to helo but i dont want help! Its like throwing me a life preserver while i want tondo drown, im just gonna yeet that shit right back to you. I learned the way to keep this part secret.
I will now await whacks to the head for.being foolish
