Venting I desperately want to ctb but I'm way too scared to actively make it happen

[farine_de_ble]

I desperately want to die but I'm scared of making an active attempt. What if it works? What if it doesn't? What if it leaves me disabled or incapacitated for life? What about my family that I'm going to be leaving behind... they would be devastated. I wish so desperately that I could just drop dead of some natural cause. I don't even care how painful it would be to go out. Sudden appendicitis, heart attack, literally anything. The best would be just slipping away in my sleep without knowing what's happening but I inevitably wake up morning after morning after morning after morning... if you believe in anything please pray for my sudden and unexpected demise

 

[John Clare]

I know how is that feeling, the desperation, that you're running out of time but you're unable to take the next step. In my case is not because I'm afraid to die, but the implications that could bring my actions to my family.

 

[raindrops]

i have started to fantasise about being murdered. my throat slit or choked to death. pray for me too

 

[Dingusguy]

I know how you feel, I desperately want to end it. But I can't, not because I am too afraid, I just can't hurt the ones close to me like that. I tried a while ago to push people away by acting like a fucking asshole, but I was bad at it, and they caught on quick.

I will wish, hope, and pray that you may find a way out. Whatever that is, be it death or getting better. I wish you luck in your search for an end.

 

[Reasonably_Rational]

I feel like i just wrote this!

You are not alone in what you are feeling. Everybody in this predicament is scared.

I used to enjoy the beauty of a sunrise...I now despise the breaking dawn. I know it will be another day on this miserable planet with no escape. No amount of prayer will end it. Every morning, I take my first conscious breath and my first words out of my mouth are "Goddammit... I'm still alive".

You are obviously young and healthy enough that a botched attempt would suck worse that your current situation. The good news is that time is on your side. And....if you fuck it up bad enough....you can always qualify for the handicapped parking spots.

 

[logi3535]

I guess it all boils down to wether you're sure if you want to go down that route or not. It's a stressful decision to make, wether you feel conscious of making that decision to take your own life or not, especially when you care about how the aftermath would affect your family, its very kind. No matter what happens, I wish you the best and hope that it all works out, in life or in death.

 

[Imprisoned]

Those thoughts definitely come to my mind as well. It's why I'm so afraid of hanging or the exit bag method. Just imagine if you end up incapacitated; you'd be in an even worse hell. I'd say just take it easy, don't do anything on an impulse, and don't rush anything. It's really annoying how we just aren't allowed autonomy over our own lives, it's either stay on this hell planet for decades or die a really gruesome death. FFS

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the peace you search for, I certainly wish there's the option to just never wake again, I find it cruel how we cannot just choose to fall into an dreamless, eternal sleep.

 

[throneofdispair03]

I desperately want to die but I'm scared of making an active attempt. What if it works? What if it doesn't? What if it leaves me disabled or incapacitated for life? What about my family that I'm going to be leaving behind... they would be devastated. I wish so desperately that I could just drop dead of some natural cause. I don't even care how painful it would be to go out. Sudden appendicitis, heart attack, literally anything. The best would be just slipping away in my sleep without knowing what's happening but I inevitably wake up morning after morning after morning after morning... if you believe in anything please pray for my sudden and unexpected demise

i know how you feel. i hope you find the peace that you search for