I deserve to die and none of you would disagree with me if I were to go in to details. I want to Kill my self but a part of me still wants to live. How do you deal with suicide ideation when you literally deserve to die. Instead of asking for details about my situation, please just accept that you would think that I deserve to die, hypothetically for the sake of argument, even if you doubt that I do deserve to die. I kind of don't want to die but have planned some time ago to cbt very soon
ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
I feel exactly the same way. I feel like I deserve to die and I can't wait to get it over with. I am NOT making any pronouncements on your situation or encouraging you to ctb. Just saying that you are not alone in feeling this way.
Also, if you have ANY doubt about killing yourself, you should not do so. You can't take it back, so you should always err on the side of doubt
But feeling like you deserve to die.....I get that feeling. I really get it.
Also, if you have ANY doubt about killing yourself, you should not do so. You can't take it back, so you should always err on the side of doubt
But feeling like you deserve to die.....I get that feeling. I really get it.
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cant cry
I probably won't respond if you write me
- Oct 11, 2019
- 32
I don't think people should ALWAYS be punished for what they do. That's why mercy and forgiveness are considered virtuous.
ohhgeeitsme
Wizard
- Feb 5, 2020
- 694
Arrow
Rewrite
- May 1, 2020
- 769
i doubt you deserve to die, man. you can always message me if you want someone to talk to, i wouldn't judge.
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
I think instead of suicide ideation you meant survival instinct.
Even some prisoners on death row who accept the punishment as deserved are afraid to die. They are two different issues, the merit versus the reality of death.
I don't know how one overcomes that.
Assuming you did something truly awful and victimizing -- murder, severe child abuse, torture...
What if, instead, you worked the rest of your life to be worthy to live? The world could use people like that, even people who did awful things. Maybe especially people who did awful things.
You may reject that, but can you at least see how powerful a different mindset can be? Even if only for a while?
You could just as easily find a mindset that pushes you to ctb if that is your choice. But it seems clear that the mindset of being deserving, whether accurate or inaccurate, is not enough. I won't make any suggestions, that feels too much like killing you. Instead, what I've suggested empowers you in whatever choice you make, whether to live or to die.
I sincerely wish for your well-being, whatever that looks like. Even if you were someone who intentionally, deeply hurt me. When one has true well-being, as well as equanimity, they do not bring harm to others or to themselves, and so I sincerely wish that for all, even when I am angry with them, even when they have genuinely earned by horrific actions the most severe punishment.
Edit: And if you only think that what you did was horrific because of distortions caused by abuse, gaslighting, and others inaccurately defining you, then I sincerely hope you will reach out to compassionate others to change that self-annihilating mindset. Either way, you do not deserve annihilation. No one does.
Even some prisoners on death row who accept the punishment as deserved are afraid to die. They are two different issues, the merit versus the reality of death.
I don't know how one overcomes that.
Assuming you did something truly awful and victimizing -- murder, severe child abuse, torture...
What if, instead, you worked the rest of your life to be worthy to live? The world could use people like that, even people who did awful things. Maybe especially people who did awful things.
You may reject that, but can you at least see how powerful a different mindset can be? Even if only for a while?
You could just as easily find a mindset that pushes you to ctb if that is your choice. But it seems clear that the mindset of being deserving, whether accurate or inaccurate, is not enough. I won't make any suggestions, that feels too much like killing you. Instead, what I've suggested empowers you in whatever choice you make, whether to live or to die.
I sincerely wish for your well-being, whatever that looks like. Even if you were someone who intentionally, deeply hurt me. When one has true well-being, as well as equanimity, they do not bring harm to others or to themselves, and so I sincerely wish that for all, even when I am angry with them, even when they have genuinely earned by horrific actions the most severe punishment.
Edit: And if you only think that what you did was horrific because of distortions caused by abuse, gaslighting, and others inaccurately defining you, then I sincerely hope you will reach out to compassionate others to change that self-annihilating mindset. Either way, you do not deserve annihilation. No one does.
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FriendofDeath
Elementalist
- May 22, 2020
- 833
I can't condemn someone to die. No, don't know what you've done or said. Guilt is a strong emotion that might motivate someone to think this way. Maybe what you need to do is work through the issues weighing so heavily on you and do what you can to make amends. You said you kind of don't want to die, so I hope you'll look for ways to push forward.
GoBack
Paragon
- Apr 25, 2020
- 997
Guilt will wreck you, if you are dealing with something alone. It can get out of perspective, you should probably talk to someone before you do anything
Guilt is one of the hardest emotions to have to deal with, and it blinds you to so much. If you could find someone you trust, or even go professionally to try and talk about what has happened; at least to release all this pressure that you seem to have on yourself. Maybe you will see things differently after that?
