Venting I daily prove to myself i'm a failure

[UNIQUE]

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing in here, I found the site when I was searching for something....to help me pass.

I'm 29 years old and I'm nothing but a failure...
I have no one to live for..and nothing to live for...
I tried my best to improve myself but everything I try ended up with huge fail

Personal life, I have no friends, no lover and I'm just something my family have to live with.

My health is bad and I can't even succeed in a diet so how I thought I'll succeed in other things is.. i don't know

My career, I started on the top after graduation now I'm at the bottom..
I left my old job to get a lower one, I tried to improve my career by having more degrees and I failed course I joined.

I feel stupid and brainless, and nothing I start works and I know personal life is out there is no hope in that so I tried with my career and its even worse than I thought.

I have absolutely no self-esteem, no self respect or love, I hate myself.

I don't know where to go, I tried therapy didn't work, meds didn't work.

I just have no interest in life, yet I tried or still trying... but I can't
I was raised Muslim but now I'm Atheist, I think we die and thats it but sometimes I still wonder about the idea of hell....
yet its not mainly the reason why I won't do it.

for 29 years I saw my mom give her life for us, it was not great at all and part of my blames her for a lot of things, yet I know the things she did, she did it thinking its the best for us, if she walks in and see my lifeless body one day she won't make it another day.
I do have my plan ready I tried twice without searching and it failed i just woke up, I'm ready to go but part of me is stupid enough to think there is hope!!! and I'm open about it with them, my brother and mom. but I think at this point they think I'm trying to get attention?

I don't know why I'm writing and why I'm writing? I'm just writing..
Should I try with the course I failed for the third time and fight to prove something els to me? or just give up and be the failure I'm to prove it even more to me and others?
Should I go still wondering and break her heart and wait living this tasteless life crying my self out and in bed daily feeling like a huge fail walking and taking space.

I truly don't want to live anymore, and I don't want to be a fail....
if you are still reading, I'm truly sorry this is long and thank you for your time, I just needed a place to talk.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Let it out brother.
Sounds like you're really struggling and you've got a lot to try and manage.
I hope that venting your spleen will at least temporarily alleviate the difficulties you're having.
I'm just a stranger on the other side of the world but from reading your narrative it sounds to me like you're actually stronger than you think.
I know well the feeling of tiredness and emptiness that many people here feel, some days are just bleak and dark.
You're not alone brother, I sincerely hope that you can find some peace and comfort here and maybe that can help with your life in the real world.
Where ever your journey takes you my friend I am wishing you peace and kindness with yourself, even if that cannot come from the rest of the world.
Love and respect
DBD

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Same. Hope my ctb will be sucessful. At least I won't fail in the last thing I'll do. Thing is... If I success, I'll never know.

 

[UNIQUE]

Let it out brother.
Sounds like you're really struggling and you've got a lot to try and manage.
I hope that venting your spleen will at least temporarily alleviate the difficulties you're having.
I'm just a stranger on the other side of the world but from reading your narrative it sounds to me like you're actually stronger than you think.
I know well the feeling of tiredness and emptiness that many people here feel, some days are just bleak and dark.
You're not alone brother, I sincerely hope that you can find some peace and comfort here and maybe that can help with your life in the real world.
Where ever your journey takes you my friend I am wishing you peace and kindness with yourself, even if that cannot come from the rest of the world.
Love and respect
DBD

Sometimes words from strangers can be helpful~
Thank you for taking the time to read and write~ you may think its just a replay but it means a lot to me.
Being alone all the times and having this thoughts fighting in my head and being lost not knowing what i'm I doing in here... it can be nice to feel like i was heard and understood.

Thank you again, and may you find your peace and happiness too wherever you are~~

Same. Hope my ctb will be sucessful. At least I won't fail in the last thing I'll do. Thing is... If I success, I'll never know.

I tried twice, I woke up the next day at bed.. nothing the feeling of failing at is the worst.