Venting I cry EVERY DAY and this causes physical headache pains EVERY DAY

[KillingPain267]

Mental pain is flowing straight through all my veins every waking moment, and it feels like my brain will explode. Well, I WISH IT FUCKING DID ALREADY!!!

When I wake up and the melatonin washes away, and consciousness hits, and everything is clear, it LITERALLY feels like I have died and am in hell. It's not even just a silly exagerrated expression to me now (like saying "I'm starving"). No, every night and morning it literally feels like I fell asleep and then woke up in an abyss where wicked souls go get tortured for eternity.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Fellow nearly daily crybaby here.
For about 2 years. Seldom cried before that.
Anyways 15 min - 4 hours per day just depends.

Abusing kratom helps me keep it to like once/day 15-30 min. NOT recommending you do this.
Also I don't usually get headaches from it. Though I get headaches when I feel the need to cry but can't--I think this is dehydration and may be afflicting you as well. Most people aren't crying every day like us so be sure to salt up your food, drink a lot of water, magnesium supplements etc. Otherwise it's like dry-heaving but dry-crying and makes it all even more miserable.
Also I seldom feel better after a cry because I still feel like I'm in hell so it's just like entering a state of helplessness like a person being burned to death knows there's nothing to do so just freezes in shock.
But if it's a very long session like a brutal 2+ hour screaming and visions of my damnation, then taking drugs when it settles can give a light euphoria which I almost never experience. Like I might feel like a normal human that is alive again for an hour or two in such a case.

I even cry in public now because it just happens and there's nothing I can do. I feel helpless like I shit my pants or something. But nobody cares anyway other than maybe thinking I am weak scum that needs to just man the fuck up cuz people avoid you like a homeless person when you've got tears on your face.

Wish I could help more other than to say 'hydrate & electrolytes' but if I was worth a damn capable of unfucking my hell-life I guess I wouldn't be here.

Hoping you find peace.

 

[KillingPain267]

Fellow nearly daily crybaby here.
For about 2 years. Seldom cried before that.
Anyways 15 min - 4 hours per day just depends.

Abusing kratom helps me keep it to like once/day 15-30 min. NOT recommending you do this.
Also I don't usually get headaches from it. Though I get headaches when I feel the need to cry but can't--I think this is dehydration and may be afflicting you as well. Most people aren't crying every day like us so be sure to salt up your food, drink a lot of water, magnesium supplements etc. Otherwise it's like dry-heaving but dry-crying and makes it all even more miserable.
Also I seldom feel better after a cry because I still feel like I'm in hell so it's just like entering a state of helplessness like a person being burned to death knows there's nothing to do so just freezes in shock.
But if it's a very long session like a brutal 2+ hour screaming and visions of my damnation, then taking drugs when it settles can give a light euphoria which I almost never experience. Like I might feel like a normal human that is alive again for an hour or two in such a case.

I even cry in public now because it just happens and there's nothing I can do. I feel helpless like I shit my pants or something. But nobody cares anyway other than maybe thinking I am weak scum that needs to just man the fuck up cuz people avoid you like a homeless person when you've got tears on your face.

Wish I could help more other than to say 'hydrate & electrolytes' but if I was worth a damn capable of unfucking my hell-life I guess I wouldn't be here.

Hoping you find peace.

Same here nearly. It is a very slight consolation to know that others out there feel the same.
I take mag and eat salty food, but could load up on water more, thank you. Although, for me I think it's more the pressure from tears building up in my forehead.
I cannot find a dealer with kratom in my country anywhere, so I never tried it. I did a month of opioids but that turned into a financial and withdrawal disaster just adding to the mental anguish, so I'm being treated for opioid addiction now.
A year ago, crying a day 4 hours would lead to a few days of feeling numb, which was a relief. But now that is gone too, like you, there is no relief at all. No catharsis.
And yes, I now cry in public too. Just not audibly. I just cannot stop the tears.
I cry audibly at home, and feel ashamed when passing my neighbor's though. But there is nothing I can do. I cannot afford a secluded house alone in the forest.

I wish you well in finding peace too. Thanks for the comment.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Yes, I am sure my neighbors can hear me. I don't know where it comes from but sometimes I even cry out vocally before tears come. It tends to be at home when I do that.

Also sorry to hear you're also dealing with the opioid addiction treatment on top of all this.
One other thing I do is take melatonin, valerian, herbal sleep teas etc. to try and get to sleep early. Sounds like maybe you did the same from your first post ("melatonin washes away").

But yeah it sucks because even when I'm calm I know it's gonna come back and hit me in a huge wave eventually, like any respite is borrowed time.

 

[KillingPain267]

Yes, I am sure my neighbors can hear me. I don't know where it comes from but sometimes I even cry out vocally before tears come. It tends to be at home when I do that.

Also sorry to hear you're also dealing with the opioid addiction treatment on top of all this.
One other thing I do is take melatonin, valerian, herbal sleep teas etc. to try and get to sleep early. Sounds like maybe you did the same from your first post ("melatonin washes away").

But yeah it sucks because even when I'm calm I know it's gonna come back and hit me in a huge wave eventually, like any respite is borrowed time.

Same. I sometimes wake up crying before the tears come.
The opioid addiction is nearly solved. I'm on substitution opioid and doing a slow taper, so all I gotta do is stay clean from illegal stuff.
I take valerian too, and chamomille, lemon balm tea, but I don't try to sleep early, lol as I like the darkness of night and recently NIGHT is the time where I cry the least (maybe because of sheer bodily tiredness, but also because I come here to read and comment). The melatonin, I meant my natural melatonin, but I do take Agomelatine which is an anti-depressant. I don't think it does anything though.

 

[todienomore]

Idk the mechanism but melatonin supplements can cause depression. At least try taking a sunrise walk to wash the melatonin out. Bonus points if you dont expose your eyes to any artificial light that is whiter than that sunrise spectrum. Sounds schizo but this is basic circadian health stuff.

I used to be able to feel my amygdala kick on, its that part of waking up where you get flooded with negative thoughts. Sublingual pregnenolone helped me, one of its major products affects gaba. Ashwagandha also but I dont recommend it. It knocks down cortisol mainly, which is maxed out to wake you up.

And you might work with a Trauma Release Exercise practitioner.

Finally, try the melatonin sublingual and no blue/white light after. Ive been megadosing it lately- 50-500mg. Its a key antioxidant among other things.