Venting I couldn't do it.

[SHThrowAway213]

I am not scared of dying.
My SI was not the reason.
I just don't know if I can put my husband through me killing myself.
I was meant to take SN last night.
I'm ready to go, I really am it's just him holding me back and it's very frustrating

 

[Jean Améry]

That's perfectly allright although I understand your frustration. Clearly your motivation was completely alruistic which is admirable. Perhaps this is a sign you need to look at the option of living again: if you love your husband that much perhaps it would be worth to try again. Difficult as that may be. You have a reliable method so you can always leave if you want to.

 

[Jean4]

Don't be frustrated. It isn't your time. Nothing wrong with that. If your husband is keeping you here, you aren't ready. When you are, love won't matter.

I am glad you are still with us.

 

[Scooter]

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. I know firsthand what it feels like to back down from a suicide attempt. All I can really advise is to be observant of your surroundings, you never know what the world is trying to tell you. Obviously I do not know your situation or your history, but I do really hope your husband could help you in your situation in some way. Either way I hope that your days following today only better you

 

[Soul]

Please be gentle with yourself. Get some good rest and fresh air and do something you enjoy. There's no rush x

 

[EmptyArms]

Im so sorry you find yourself here. You clearly love one another and arent ready to be parted. Trust him with the vows you made to one another. Can you talk to him about this?

 

[Moonicide]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, love. I've seen your posts and I've seen your suffering. I've seen how badly you want to ctb... But it seems you still very much love your husband and with that love, you don't want to put him through the pain of losing you. Although it may not feel like it, it's very strong and brave of you to continue to live for your loved one. Like many have said, it seems you're not ready to let go. Because when you're ready, not even love would be a good reason to stay. Take your time, love. And please be kind with yourself... Your time will come, love. Until then, we are here for you.

My heart goes out to you.
Sending you all of my love and support.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

Not the right time and that is perfectly understandable. Be glad that you have enough love in your life to keep you here. So many of us don't and wish we did.

 

[Jean4]

My opinion is if it was your time, the love you obviously have for your husband wouldn't stop you. You may want to, but it isn't your time... which is fine.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I have been where you are. My husband, truly the love of my life, has no idea how close I've come.

I can tell you, though, when I was sectioned into the hospital years ago, that love was not enough and I was ready to go. There was nothing that was going to stand in my way. Fortunately, I had a great psychiatrist and was protected from myself.

The intervening years have been good ones and I'm glad I didn't miss them.

Perhaps something better, even if it's just a bit, is waiting for you.

When your time is truly here, nothing will stand in your way. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. You brain and heart have been through a tremendous ordeal.