I couldn’t do it. Jumping is not my method.

[ve.nin]

It tears me apart but that's the truth. The floor was also the 13th so I was no sure it would do the job.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I don't think 13 would make it instant enough.

 

[UKscotty]

Yeah jumping takes a lot of guts, I have been at the roof edge (and cliff edge) but couldn't walk off either.

I thought maybe a double vodka and a few valium to take the nerves away but then was too spaced out. Can't win.

 

[reallysleepy]

I'm really sorry you are going through this venin, you deserve the peace you are looking for. If you need to chat my pms are open

 

[Yaffle]

Sorry it didn't work out for you.

Assuming 13 floors is approx 130 ft I'm glad you didn't jump, it sounds high but my gut says not high enough.

For years my thoughts were always for jumping off a high cliff. Pretty certain 500 ft+ would be guaranteed but it would take huge resolve to beat SI - even sitting in the comfort of my home I have serious doubts I'd be able to go over the edge.

If jumping isn't for you what method are you thinking of now?

 

[tiger b]

I know it's a method I definitely couldn't use. Even going near a window on a high floor makes me stupidly fearful.

Why does everything be so difficult.

 

[ve.nin]

It like 65 m high. Something like that. Thought it wasn't enough.

 

[Cloud Busting]

We're here for you regardless.

I chickened out after failing the first time cuz I was in a lot of pain and afraid of getting discovered. SaSu welcomed me with open arms.

SI is a bitch man.

 

[AresCohere]

From personal experience jumping is both difficult to properly execute (at least for me) and has a lot of SI.

When I attempted by jumping I would often be extremely dilutional at the time and not realize that the "cliff" is only like 20 feet or so tall and slanted quite a lot, leading to jume just miserably sliding down and scaling my back.

I would look toward other methods.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry your SI is so strong and it's so difficult for you to overcome it. Welcome back!

It's so inhumane how the lack of peaceful and dignified methods is causing you much more pain and suffering.

 

[Some place nice]

Jumping is really hard. I wish you call the peace and happiness in the world. Maybe next time friend.

 

[DT2007]

Welcome back
Jumping is hard i guess. Yakes a lot of courage. I doubt that I'd have it in me.

It tears me apart but that's the truth. The floor was also the 13th so I was no sure it would do the job.

You didn't choose an easy method. Dont be to harsh on yourself. 13 Floors could be high enough imho, depending how you land. But SI would probably hinder you jumping head first. How long did you stand up there until you went down again if i might ask.

 

[Krokodile]

Jumping would be my favorite method but only if the fall is so high that the results are guaranteed. Surviving it would be obviously horrific. I was unable to find suitable locations to jump from without traveling internationally to some of the famous ones.

The only place I've found in my country that is high enough to pretty much guarantee results, and doesn't require breaking through doors and windows, would a public viewing tower which is guaranteed to have other people present in open hours. I think that disqualifies that as well, since I don't want to traumatize people present. So lesser methods it is, unfortunately.

 

[Unknown21]

It tears me apart but that's the truth. The floor was also the 13th so I was no sure it would do the job.

One of the most hardest methods of all time and hanging too, train is more gruesome but quick and painless. I wish u to find peaceful and reliable way to go, goodluck.

 

[Mistiie]

One of the most hardest methods of all time and hanging too, train is more gruesome but quick and painless. I wish u to find peaceful and reliable way to go, goodluck.

At least with trains, you're not the one commencing the act. That train is coming regardless of whether or not you're there, and the only thing stopping you from death is if you move yourself out of the way in time, which is a lot harder to do than to not do something. Hanging and jumping are pretty tough because, A) lots can go wrong and B) you're the one who presses the button, so to speak. It's not going to happen with or without you, you make that choice. SI in those instances is a real bitch and it's basically impossible to overcome unless you're far-gone, don't care anymore, or if you slammed every drug under the sun down your throat to remove that sense of instinct and logic.

 

[FuneralCry]

Jumping sounds like a terrifying way to try and die to me so it's understandable the way that you feel. I hate how it's so difficult to die on our own terms.

 

[Unknown21]

At least with trains, you're not the one commencing the act. That train is coming regardless of whether or not you're there, and the only thing stopping you from death is if you move yourself out of the way in time, which is a lot harder to do than to not do something. Hanging and jumping are pretty tough because, A) lots can go wrong and B) you're the one who presses the button, so to speak. It's not going to happen with or without you, you make that choice. SI in those instances is a real bitch and it's basically impossible to overcome unless you're far-gone, don't care anymore, or if you slammed every drug under the sun down your throat to remove that sense of instinct and logic.

Yeah, and if the train is fast enough you'll get the job instantly, u just have to choose the proper train with the suitable speed. It's simple but not usually accessible and gruesome and traumatizing. Personally I'll use SN but if i have a train near to me I'd maybe give it a shot.

 

[figurehead]

I've always had an attraction to being at the edge of the world. Even when I'm not particularly suicidal I can't be high out without an impulse to jump. Except for these times perhaps, I couldn't do it though.It's the mostly active and passive you can ever be before death.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

IMHO If you've still got a survival instinct, you've still got something to live for. Typical person needs a reason to die. You feel like you want to die and feel like you need a reason to even live. There's methods to get back to feeling like you want to live. Also there's easier and more accessible ways to die than jumping. Jumping is impulsive.

I figured out I had PTSD not ADHD after watching "Patriot" (TV show not movie). Guy was trying to die accidentally and I just saw so much of myself in the character. I was doing a lot of similar dangerous things on a weekly basis. Jumping off bridges and cliff diving, biking alleycats and extreme mountain biking, board sports, and the like. I was really hoping I'd die accidentally. I just didn't have a strong survival instinct at the time.

 

[tinyghost]

i honestly feel you. i had an opportunity to go to my bridge the other day and just... didnt. felt like a huge loss. im worried i just wont be able to do it. youre in my thoughts man

 

[DyingToDie123]

I had this exact same experience, going to my spot and realizing it wasn't as tall as I thought and aborting for that reason. Jumping is hard. It used to be my preferred method but I accepted that I couldn't do it. Sorry you're going through this.