I could probably CTB whenever I wanted to... So why haven't I yet?

[ma0]

I think this is quite a common sentiment shared among the SaSu community. I live only about an hour's walk away from the pier, should be pretty easy to break into, and there's enough stones on the beach right under it that I could absolutely guarantee my success if I were to jump.

So that begs the question... Why haven't I done it yet? It's all planned out, and every night while I'm awake one of the only things I think about to myself is "I could totally commit tonight, and it would go perfectly. Nobody would know."

The common (and probably correct) answer is a hell of a lot of SI. Sure, it might seem seamless in my head, but every time the thought of "It would be easy to do it right now" creeps in, I figure that doing it right then and there but be much more effort than it's worth, and I'd imagine that actually being there, suspended above the water would be absolutely terrifying, and most likely I'd just go home.

I've thought of that as well, though. I've decided that the night I commit, I'll lock myself out of the house and dispose of the key, making it physically impossible for me to go back inside and admit defeat when I leave. This pretty much makes it impossible to fail, so WHY HAVEN'T I DONE IT YET?!

Ugghhhh, fuck SI and fuck existence.

 

[platypus77]

It's not just SI.
The truth is nobody really wants to die, we just wish the pain to go away.
CTB is one way, not a goal.

 

[The_Hunter]

I'll lock myself out of the house and dispose of the key, making it physically impossible for me to go back inside and admit defeat when I leave.

nah i think a good part of a suicide method is being able to go back if you don't want to. after all the entire justification of suicide (in whichever ethical paradigm it is advocated in) comes from the presence of a will to do so, a desire and a consent--so therefore if nobody who genuinely wants to live should be forcefully subjected to death, then we must extend that right too to a person in the midst of an attempt. Essentially, the best and "purest" methods are the ones that ensure a "purity" of will and desire in them, by the constant and effective presence of a way out. Suicide is supposed to be a way out, and so there must always be an optional way out to the way out, I think.

i know this was very philosophical and possibly emotionally detached from the feelings of your post. i know that and i hope to compensate with this digital hug: i wish you well, as much as an internet stranger can. hope you take as much care as is possible ^^

 

[Namelesa]

It's not just SI.
The truth is nobody really wants to die, we just wish the pain to go away.
CTB is one way, is not a goal.

This is just false for some people. Some people do just really want to die and sometimes people literally have no desire to live.

 

[The_Hunter]

It's not just SI.
The truth is nobody really wants to die, we just wish the pain to go away.
CTB is one way, not a goal.

A valid sentiment indeed. Some might read your message as being ""pro life"", but it is actually an integral part of the suicidal paradigm.

The only reason suicide is considered as an option, is it's ability to mitigate pain. This cannot be forgotten, for it is the sole justification of suicide. Take the pain away, and suicide isn't the ideal option anymore. Yes, mitigating pain is often complex and can feel undoable at times--hence the popularity of suicide as an option. Thank you for your words and sentiments; it can be a brave thing sometimes to address certain stigmatized truths, in any place--with no collection of humans anywhere being an exception to that rule. (wink)

 

[platypus77]

This is just false for some people. Some people do just really want to die and sometimes people literally have no desire to live.

Intriguing, would care to elaborate? I honestly can't see why someone would like to CTB if not experiencing any kind of pain.
I mean, not wanting to exist is a kind of pain.

 

[The_Hunter]

This is just false for some people. Some people do just really want to die and sometimes people literally have no desire to live.

I get what you're getting at; but I do personally believe that for some, that the desire to die is just way stronger than their desire to live.

I think it's near impossible to have "literally zero" desire to live, just as it's near impossible for the most common of people to have "literally zero" desire to die.

I can see where you mean by this, but I just can't agree with the usage of "literally zero" here. Literally zero is quite an intense concept, just as the word "everything" or "all [instances]" often communicates as well. (known as the "universal quantifier" in philosophy, represented in symbolic logic by ∀)

 

[Namelesa]

Intriguing, would care to elaborate? I honestly can't see why someone would like to CTB if not experiencing any kind of pain.

Some people can just be apathetic to life and don't see any point in it and think that death is not a bad thing or tragedy at all. I know even if I recover I will ctb at some point as life is too repetitive and long and will at some point no longer enjoy any bits of life so don't see any point in it even if I am not in pain.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Intriguing, would care to elaborate? I honestly can't see why someone would like to CTB if not experiencing any kind of pain.
I mean, not wanting to exist is a kind of pain.

Some people have reached the point where they're satisfied with what they've experienced and just feel "ready" to go. You most often see this in old people but there's nothing preventing someone of any age to experience this sense of "doneness," of finality; they've experienced everything they want to experience. It's no more painful than the sense of fullness you get after having a hearty meal.

 

[platypus77]

Some people can just be apathetic to life and don't see any point in it and think that death is not a bad thing or tragedy at all. I know even if I recover I will ctb at some point as life is too repetitive and long and will at some point no longer enjoy any bits of life so don't see any point in it even if I am not in pain.

Some people have reached the point where they're satisfied with what they've experienced and just feel "ready" to go. You most often see this in old people but there's nothing preventing someone of any age to experience this sense of "doneness," of finality; they've experienced everything they want to experience. It's no more painful than the sense of fullness you get after having a hearty meal.

Oh, got it. What you both described to me is also pain, more like boredom but still.
Existence is pain.