I could have been happy.

[foreverbroken133]

I could have been happy

I think that if I made different decisions I could have been happy. I love nature and wish I could have been a park ranger-but it's already too late. I went to school already and got a worthless degree. I love children and always wanted a family. Now I'm 26 years old and I'm childless. I was homeschooled and always dreamed of growing up and making friends and now I'm an adult with none. It hurts so much everyday knowing that if I made different decisions I could be happy. There was nothing stopping me from having these things but myself. But if I can't have the life I want to live-which is in my opinion relatively humble-I don't know if want to live at all. I can't live without meaning any longer.

Does anyone feel the same way? Or do you think that you never had a chance to be happy?

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Choice is a funny concept. We can have two or more "options" to pick from, but whence that high inclines us to one or the other?

Western liberal Judeo Christian society has, I think, really fucked this up for a lot of people and a lot like us make themselves feel way worse about not "choosing" some other fantasy option. But we never can see into the future, knowing exactly how this decision will pan out way down the road. Most of the time we make a decision based on what we think it
S actually the best choice. Does anyone ever deliberately choose the bad option? No! If it ends up being bad, was information incomplete, or judgement clouded, usually due to some circumstances outside the person's control? Yes!

Not only is hindsight perfect, we have no way of knowing what that reality actually would've played out like. Maybe you would've been hit by a freakin bus in alternate universe A and been a paraplegic and even more miserable than you are now. Or maybe things would be far better than you can even imagine. Point is we have no way of knowing, and it's essentially an exercise in futility to go down the rabbit hole, I think.

For example, not having been homeschooled doesn't mean you would necessarily have friends now, or in five or ten years, and not be in the exact same place. I always had a thriving social sphere until I moved to Asia to work, and quickly realised how important a component of my life it was. Eventually I left. Well, this that and the pandemic happened and now I'm spending several hours a day on this site with a very small number of friends, most of whom I cannot see without someone making an hour plus trip, who Haven't responded well AT SLL to my attempts to communicate how hard a fuckin time I've been having the last several months.

It always is easy to imagine the life not lived, and yes while it could've been better, it could also be worse, or...the same. I currently hate my fucking existence but I've done all the things in my power to make that not the case, to no avail. A huuuge part of my own situation is due to things that have been completely outside my sphere of incfluence as well, and/or such things fucking up my ability to function optimally leading to further problems. So I try to remind myself that my "choices" are only "mine" to such a degree.

 

[greencondo]

I could have been happy

I think that if I made different decisions I could have been happy. I love nature and wish I could have been a park ranger-but it's already too late. I went to school already and got a worthless degree. I love children and always wanted a family. Now I'm 26 years old and I'm childless. I was homeschooled and always dreamed of growing up and making friends and now I'm an adult with none. It hurts so much everyday knowing that if I made different decisions I could be happy. There was nothing stopping me from having these things but myself. But if I can't have the life I want to live-which is in my opinion relatively humble-I don't know if want to live at all. I can't live without meaning any longer.

Does anyone feel the same way? Or do you think that you never had a chance to be happy?

I promise you that the fact being 26 is not enough of a reason alone to say that it's too late to change life jobs.

 

[Hollowman]

I promise you that the fact being 26 is not enough of a reason alone to say that it's too late to change life jobs.

I promise you that the fact being 26 is not enough of a reason alone to say that it's too late to change life jobs.

I'm sure you mean well but you can't promise anything

 

[eternalflame]

I wish i was homeschooled, i didn't make many friends on the way so maybe you're the lucky one. It reminds me of people who are single child wish for siblings because that would be like having soul mates or sth.
I'm coming to terms with idea that with the way my brain is wired having good life is impossible. But maybe with less shitty genes i could have made it bearable, not great but bearable.

 

[Ixadavt]

I could have been happy

I think that if I made different decisions I could have been happy. I love nature and wish I could have been a park ranger-but it's already too late. I went to school already and got a worthless degree. I love children and always wanted a family. Now I'm 26 years old and I'm childless. I was homeschooled and always dreamed of growing up and making friends and now I'm an adult with none. It hurts so much everyday knowing that if I made different decisions I could be happy. There was nothing stopping me from having these things but myself. But if I can't have the life I want to live-which is in my opinion relatively humble-I don't know if want to live at all. I can't live without meaning any longer.

Does anyone feel the same way? Or do you think that you never had a chance to be happy?

I feel Exactly the same way. I made my decisions and wasted my life. Could have had a family, crappy degree, ect. Words straight from my brain.
Only I'm a little older than 26.

 

[Siclop]

i feel the same 28 years old here, but depression and alot of external factors always influencing my decisions mayke me think if i always have the choise of decisions, but for sure its always easy to look the past and see how we can made mistakes and bad decisions.