I could be free from all suffering but i am a coward

[Canttakeitanymore]

I could have ended it all and never having to worry about anything ever again, but here i am suffering because i am a coward

 

[Forgotten]

You and me both. I should've ended this a decade ago.

 

[summers]

@Canttakeitanymore you're not a coward. You made the right choice for you at the time. Don't force things, that's when mistakes happen, and you may wind up in worse shape than you are now.

 

[mpnf]

Ctb is one of the toughest decisions anyone could ever make not only because of death itself but cause you never know what the possible outcomes might be ( bedridden, crazy and locked in a psych ward forever, brain damage of any kind..)
So yeah, maybe we are cowards because of it, but what about it?
There's a lot of people that are real cowards out there for a lot of really wrong reasons. Fear is something innate in humans and sometimes is so hard to overcome it, I'm right there with you in that. And I understand I just want to end it as soon as I can but there's something I really want to do in this lifetime before I leave forever or stay here crazy with damaged brain and or bedridden..and that's what's holding me back.

Just give yourself time...By the way what happened ? Cause you said you missed the opportunity to do you know what...??

 

[mpnf]

By the way most people are cowards when it comes to their own fears. Everybody fears something, whatever that is.

 

[Bigpink]

You're not a coward, it takes courage to even consider ctb.

 

[Superdeterminist]

'Coward' is merely a pejorative used to try and belittle people. Personally, I only use this word if I want to insult someone. Imo it would be more accurate to say you're scared. And imo that's only reasonable, because dying is fearsome and difficult. Fear is real and non-trivial.

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

I wish i was dead

 

[WornOutLife]

Hey, I'm a "coward" too!
Although I prefer the term "we're-not-ready-to-die-yet"

 

[GarageKarate07]

My method is 5 feet from me and I think about how quick it would be often. It has been for about a month. I'm meeting a new friend tomorrow for a walk. I did paper work to get some couseling today but the process will take time. I did some financial work just now to sustain myself and maybe I will be employed soon. I will hopefully see an old friend by the end of the week but he is having problems of his own so that might also take time. I have old girlfriends to talk to about what steps I can do (none of these people know about CTB including the counselor). I am going to a creative art group tomorrow at the behavioral clinic. Maybe I will paint a rock or a hand print but I dont know what they do yet. Tomorrow is grocery shopping day. I'm not a coward but I'm also not running to CTB at this moment. I think if I can find a place to be happy I should give it a try. I did my first step by asking for help and my plan is to build/rebuild my support circle. I will not tell them about CTB. I will pretend it's not there (sadly because I dont like to lie but this makes better sense) so I can go on if that's what is possible for me. I did that! I took some steps! If I end up CTB then that's ok as well but right now I'm still here trying to count the positive and live through the tears. It's not always about being a coward or fighting SI. It's about taking small jumps in the other direction.