I could be accepted into VAD but its not that easy

[nner]

Sorry, but I want to vent here a little bit...

I have a condition that could grant VAD.

I have read on here that that is awesome and all of that, but there are still some cons.

1. Explain it to my family (wouldn't understand and would begin to try to stop me and would be highly stressful for them) or just dissapear and not talking to them in a few days when travelling to Switzerland. That would be very stressfull, and I would be most likely to call my mom at some point and chicken out.

2. You still have to fight your SI. And the date and hour for the process is previously fixed. You only have that chance to not fail or chicken out. With private suicide you can do it in a moment in which you feel specially strong. With VAD, you have days and weeks before it and have to fight SI all along that time. That's why I'm starting to feel like SN or hanging would be better for me.

Yes, the method itself with VAD is quite better, it's the best, but when you actually can apply for a VAD, things start to be seen differently.

 

[stuckinthemud]

I feel the same way you do about VAD. I also could also be accepted but the reasons you list are among why I don't want to.
Plus the cost for me is a huge factor.
I just wanna be home in my bed and pass peacefully when I'm ready to do so.

 

[nner]

I feel the same way you do about VAD. I also could also be accepted but the reasons you list are among why I don't want to.
Plus the cost for me is a huge factor.
I just wanna be home in my bed and pass peacefully when I'm ready to do so.

Do you have any more reasons not to opt for VAD? I would like to know.

I assume that having this fears are a reason not to ctb still and it shows that I'm not 100% sure, but my situation keeps getting worse so I don't know what to do anymore...

Also I don't have the money right now, but it would cost a year or two to get to the quantity of money they ask for.

 

[stuckinthemud]

I don't wish to tell family. They will be fuming, tell me I'm selfish, that I must carry on suffering in pain as I am a mother-which makes the stigma and guilt so much worse.
I'm 35, crippled by iatrogenic illness for 8 years, CFS , mental health issues and long Covid.
Only a couple of friends I speak to online know of my plans.
Plus it would take me 2-3 years to save the money. I want to go this year.

 

[nner]

I don't wish to tell family. They will be fuming, tell me I'm selfish, that I must carry on suffering in pain as I am a mother-which makes the stigma and guilt so much worse.
I'm 35, crippled by iatrogenic illness for 8 years, CFS , mental health issues and long Covid.
Only a couple of friends I speak to online know of my plans.
Plus it would take me 2-3 years to save the money. I want to go this year.

I understand. I wish you the best in whatever option you take.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No- it's completely understandable. In some ways it's sort of cruel to say we envy you because your situation must be severe enough for them to consider you in the first place. That's not to say people who aren't being considered aren't in severe pain either but- that's just the sucky system.

I don't know masses about it but, don't you also need someone with you- to identify you before and after? That means finding at least one person who would support you. Not sure. Think I read that somewhere.

Still- I've thought about the complications. Were I even eligible- could I just sneak off and do it? Probably not. I'd feel somehow like I would have to tell friends and family my wishes- if it was official like that. Plus- my resident country doesn't do it- I don't know what that would mean in terms of my body being in another country! Could they cremate me there and scatter the ashes? It would save on the plane fare back! Sorry- I have a dark sense of humour.

But- I don't think it's as simple as people maybe imagine anyway. Even in terms of cost- I thought I read somewhere you had to pay to be considered but, if you're rejected- you don't get that money back. Of course- I could be wrong on that but I just thought- shit- it sounds about as exploitative as everything else. I mean- I know they need to employ doctors or whatever presumably to assess an application but I don't know. I remember it being expensive too.

 

[GMOpNsOTW9J]

1. Explain it to my family (wouldn't understand and would begin to try to stop me and would be highly stressful for them) or just dissapear and not talking to them in a few days when travelling to Switzerland. That would be very stressfull, and I would be most likely to call my mom at some point and chicken out.

2. You still have to fight your SI. And the date and hour for the process is previously fixed. You only have that chance to not fail or chicken out. With private suicide you can do it in a moment in which you feel specially strong.

I'm thinking about these problems every day. I don't think anyone around me has any suspicions either.
These two problems make it very unlikely for me to escape soon. Guess I have to suffer some more.
On top of that I'm physically unable to do it just by myself.

Recently I watched a documentary about someone, who was also paralyzed and went through with his VAD. His family fought hard to keep him there. I think you have to be mentally really strong to make it happen.