i constantly forget it's not "normal" to be suicidal

[vinicuit]

in a society where our lifes are destined to be capitalized until the last days, trying to ctb is wasting this life and it's seen as wrong. the "right" choice is to endure and keep going even in pain

i was in a bad mood, and casually said that i'm probably not going to be alive in the next three years, and my friends were completely unresponsive, so i remembered "oh, it's not okay to say this out loud"

it's very interesting to see how social interactions work when someone is kind of suicidal, cause it makes people very uncomfortable actually, like it's something we don't talk about.

some people even see it as childish, as if wanting to ctb is only for immature people... all of this for a social norm in which we are constantly being forced to live around productivity, and every mental weakness is seen as incompetence

 

[noflawless]

in a society where our lifes are destined to be capitalized until the last days, trying to ctb is wasting this life and it's seen as wrong. the "right" choice is to endure and keep going even in pain

i was in a bad mood, and casually said that i'm probably not going to be alive in the next three years, and my friends were completely unresponsive, so i remembered "oh, it's not okay to say this out loud"

it's very interesting to see how social interactions work when someone is kind of suicidal, cause it makes people very uncomfortable actually, like it's something we don't talk about.

some people even see it as childish, as if wanting to ctb is only for immature people... all of this for a social norm in which we are constantly being forced to live around productivity, and every mental weakness is seen as incompetence

I really think this will never be normal, but thinking about it so much makes it seem quite common and not at all scary.

 

[etherealgoddess]

in a society where our lifes are destined to be capitalized until the last days, trying to ctb is wasting this life and it's seen as wrong. the "right" choice is to endure and keep going even in pain

i was in a bad mood, and casually said that i'm probably not going to be alive in the next three years, and my friends were completely unresponsive, so i remembered "oh, it's not okay to say this out loud"

it's very interesting to see how social interactions work when someone is kind of suicidal, cause it makes people very uncomfortable actually, like it's something we don't talk about.

some people even see it as childish, as if wanting to ctb is only for immature people... all of this for a social norm in which we are constantly being forced to live around productivity, and every mental weakness is seen as incompetence

Same. I'm so used to being mentally ill. It is so casual for me to talk about at this point because I've had it severe for so long. But I can still remember how it felt when I was a lot more mentally stable looking at kids who clearly were traumatized or kids who would confide in me about a very huge problem, and it would make so uncomfortable I didn't want to talk to them anymore. I didn't know they were traumatized at the time. Better yet, I didn't realize how bad my childhood was at the time. But at the time, my psyche wasn't as broken. It was a bad childhood, but my psyche hadn't broken yet. So I remember seeing the traumatized kids as just too much and overwhelming. It freaked me out. So that's probably what normal people feel when we talk about it.

 

[vinicuit]

Same. I'm so used to being mentally ill. It is so casual for me to talk about at this point because I've had it severe for so long. But I can still remember how it felt when I was a lot more mentally stable looking at kids who clearly were traumatized or kids who would confide in me about a very huge problem, and it would make so uncomfortable I didn't want to talk to them anymore. I didn't know they were traumatized at the time. Better yet, I didn't realize how bad my childhood was at the time. But at the time, my psyche wasn't as broken. It was a bad childhood, but my psyche hadn't broken yet. So I remember seeing the traumatized kids as just too much and overwhelming. It freaked me out. So that's probably what normal people feel when we talk about it.

yes, and, at least for me, it comes a lot with guilt... cause i feel like i'm freaking my friends out, they're worrying about me in a way of fear. i don't really know how to deal with that without isolating myself from them

 

[Kitty_Can't_2026]

This is exactly a major reason why I'm pulling away from friends and society in general.
The fact that I'm actively planning out a time when I'll be no longer - by choice... This is an unacceptable feeling. No one I encounter can recognize this as a normal and comforting decision. Instead it is shocking and alarming.

Instead - everyone wants to talk about living forever...
Fuck that!

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

I wish people were more understanding, it costs nothing to be empathetic to someone who you know is clearly struggling. I truly believe that if suicide wasn't as taboo as it is less people would be suicidal, but no one really seems to care, they just want to minimise people dying due to suicide rather than minimising peoples suffering because no one gives a fuck till you're gone. I try to find comfort in the possibility that some people out there really do care, people who have been suicidal too and are now recovering, people who understand and don't judge, they don't demonise you, nor do they throw hollow regurgitated phrase at you that go like "It will get better!" or "Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems." Instead, they just...get it.
Sometimes I feel a wave of fickle hope that maybe someday I could be someone like that.

 

[Kitty_Can't_2026]

Hi
I'm someone that gets it.
I truly do.
I care.
And I can do that without pushing sunny optimism up your ass. I want to be real, empathetic, and understanding. I want to meet you and see you where you are.
I want to be this and give this because I wish to receive the same.

 

[niki wonoto]

Normally, people are busy with all their daily routines & activities & 'productivity' (work, jobs, careers, businesses, schools, errands, etc2). That's all people really do. The rest of time people just spend in distractions, entertainment, & relationships, family. That's what's 'normal' looks like.

Suicide (or being suicidal) is already considered not 'normal'. So that's why, even just a little mention of it (suicide), it's already taboo, shunned, ignored, judged, etc2.

In this world (& society), you are often being forced/pressured to just follow the system, follow the herd, follow everybody, follow what's 'normal'. The common phrase that "you can be anything you want!" is just another toxic positivity BS & empty platitudes. While, in reality, you are *not* free at all.

 

[socksnsandles]

yeah its weird to think that there are people on this planet that dont obsessively think about wanting their life to end. the idea seems foreign to me at this point

 

[violetforever]

the closest i ever got to casually talking about something like this with someone irl was briefly with my sister (who is "normal" and has none of these behaviors). she brought up how i used to cut myself and have an eating disorder. not even in a worried or condescending manner (she would never be like that anyway). i guess we were already talking about a heavy topic, the abuse in our family, but we have never verbally acknowledged my self harm. no one in my family has ever done that for me for some reason. it was refreshing. i didnt find it offensive at all. someone recognized these behaviors in me and doesnt treat me like im completely insane or someone to be avoided. she was basically just curious and wondered if it made me feel better. not sure how she would feel if she knew how truly suicidal i am. i imagine she knows i want to die but its just too uncomfortable to bring up like u said. i rarely if ever cut anymore but i still bruise myself and my eating disorder is never going away.

i so badly wish people could and would be open with their problems. its probably because i suffer my own things but id never turn away from someone for their suffering unless they used it to hurt me. thats happened a lot. i tried to ask someone about their problems but they shy away it. i wont pry anymore, maybe they arent ready or its not my place to ask. if people didnt feel pressure to hold everything inside then they wouldnt push people away like this .-.

Normally, people are busy with all their daily routines & activities & 'productivity' (work, jobs, careers, businesses, schools, errands, etc2). That's all people really do. The rest of time people just spend in distractions, entertainment, & relationships, family. That's what's 'normal' looks like.

this is so true and it makes me feel ill seeing it written out. its just unnerving how easily life can be described, its really nothing.

 

[MephiticShadow]

And yet, there are thousands and thousands of us here. And thousands more that have never heard of this site. It's not that not normal then. Maybe the normies are worried It's contagious

 

[ElTopo]

I feel similar. I also guilt trip myself a lot into thinking it's all my fault and I should feel bad about feeling suicidal

 

[stopMotionSickness]

And yet, there are thousands and thousands of us here. And thousands more that have never heard of this site. It's not that not normal then.

I have to suspect this is the case. I think that has to be what drives so many peoples' outraged and intolerant reactions. The accusations of selfishness and cowardice only make sense from the understanding that they've felt no positive attraction to being here, but forced themselves to out of some sense of obligation or socially dictated "purpose". It makes some people mad to think that they had to put up with all this for decades and decades when others can simply look at the options and understand they can skip the whole thing.

 

[alligatorsister]

yeah.. sometimes i have to remind myself its not okay to mention it lol. i really hate that so many people find it immature or stupid even

 

[MephiticShadow]

I have to suspect this is the case. I think that has to be what drives so many peoples' outraged and intolerant reactions. The accusations of selfishness and cowardice only make sense from the understanding that they've felt no positive attraction to being here, but forced themselves to out of some sense of obligation or socially dictated "purpose". It makes some people mad to think that they had to put up with all this for decades and decades when others can simply look at the options and understand they can skip the whole thing.

Wow. That makes so much sense. I've never thought of it in that way. I've thought of other things in that way. Many times. Said similar things many times. But not this. That's brilliant

 

[etherealgoddess]

yes, and, at least for me, it comes a lot with guilt... cause i feel like i'm freaking my friends out, they're worrying about me in a way of fear. i don't really know how to deal with that without isolating myself from them

You're not a burden. You need to find people who love you. There are murderers in this world. There are evil people who do scams. There will be people who will reject you and find you to be too overwhelming. But it doesn't mean no one can love you. You need just one person to truly see you for you.

 

[stopMotionSickness]

i so badly wish people could and would be open with their problems. its probably because i suffer my own things but id never turn away from someone for their suffering unless they used it to hurt me. thats happened a lot. i tried to ask someone about their problems but they shy away it. i wont pry anymore, maybe they arent ready or its not my place to ask. if people didnt feel pressure to hold everything inside then they wouldnt push people away like this .-.


this is so true and it makes me feel ill seeing it written out. its just unnerving how easily life can be described, its really nothing.

I mean I've been on the receiving end of such things. When you have someone close to you admit they're not really convinced they should keep going, that suddenly makes the whole thing a bit precarious. At least when I was hearing it, I remembered liking them well enough, but being stressed out of my mind over them all day every day, left with no exit because what if me leaving causes a spiral? What if being busy one day happens to be the last straw? Aren't good friends supposed to be there for each other, no matter what? How are you ever going to justify asserting your own petty preferences over the entire life of this person?

idk maybe a bit dramatic, but that's how I felt about it. Helps me accept the necessity of secrecy these days, because I don't wish for anyone else to ever be put in a position like that; most especially not someone I like.

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

Hi
I'm someone that gets it.
I truly do.
I care.
And I can do that without pushing sunny optimism up your ass. I want to be real, empathetic, and understanding. I want to meet you and see you where you are.
I want to be this and give this because I wish to receive the same.

thank you, you're a gem <3 seriously
who could've thought that I would encounter the most heartfelt interactions on a site that has the word suicide in it

 

[vitbar]

One reason it's awkward is for the same reason bereavement can be. There isn't much that prepares people for these heavy conversations. Most shy away from emotionally difficult situations. I'm wary of who I speak about it with because of this. It's too heavy for a lot of relationships. People's lives are already so full they end up neglecting existing relationships.

 

[violetforever]

I mean I've been on the receiving end of such things. When you have someone close to you admit they're not really convinced they should keep going, that suddenly makes the whole thing a bit precarious. At least when I was hearing it, I remembered liking them well enough, but being stressed out of my mind over them all day every day, left with no exit because what if me leaving causes a spiral? What if being busy one day happens to be the last straw? Aren't good friends supposed to be there for each other, no matter what? How are you ever going to justify asserting your own petty preferences over the entire life of this person?

oh i was on the receiving end before too. there were spirals when i didnt answer or gave someone else attention. that was a toxic friendship. we planned suicide dates together and then i got actual headaches and cried over the stress of trying to talk them out of it. it wasnt the best but i still value how open we were about our problems. i still think of them and sometimes wish we stayed friends because all ive done since then is worsen, probably to the level they were at then. we were wearing each other down, more them onto me than me onto them.

idk maybe a bit dramatic, but that's how I felt about it. Helps me accept the necessity of secrecy these days, because I don't wish for anyone else to ever be put in a position like that; most especially not someone I like.

no its not dramatic at all. its a real concern with how final suicide is. no one wants to feel responsible for it. it just sucks because u want to be open about it but nothing really comes from it unless its with someone who is 100% ready to die as well :/ i didnt necessarily mean just suicide though. i wish people could be more open about all struggles. i feel like even the reasons behind why people are suicidal cant be discussed. for me personally, that would be abuse. so i just remain suicidal with a history of abuse in secrecy.