Venting I come off way better than I am

[its-about-time]

I am good at being charming. I can be pretty funny and a good listener and empathic and adventurous. People generally immediately like me. Then they get to know me and realize how overwhelmingly negative and depressing and self-centered I am. Every significant relationship I've ever had has ended because my shitty mental health is too overwhelming. That exact word has been used - overwhelming.

I just feel really fucking pathetic and unlovable. The cover of the book makes it look interesting then when they read it it's not even worth finishing halfway. I loathe myself. I wish everyone I love had never met me. There's my stupid rant today. Fuck me, fuck this existence, fuck emotions, whatever.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living can be painful as our thoughts can torture us, it must be awful being in that situation. To me, there is nothing wrong with being very negative, as life is mostly just suffering after all and is very depressing. I wish you the best.

 

[TimeLawyer]

 

[its-about-time]

Living can be painful as our thoughts can torture us, it must be awful being in that situation. To me, there is nothing wrong with being very negative, as life is mostly just suffering after all and is very depressing. I wish you the best.

Thanks. Yeah I don't get it. Some people are down with "listening" or "helping me through my negativity" or what the fuck ever but even the best of them have a threshold. Like negativity should be acceptable only in doses apparently, negative people with shitty stupid lives are supposed to still see the bright side of things it seems. Not realistic. Good for them for having boundaries on what they can't tolerate, still leaves me feeling even more worthless and pathetic and unlovable. I stopped trying to share how I feel with people much awhile ago and that too makes me feel worse.

Omg

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Unless you're a sociopath of some sort, I think it would be hard to keep your current feelings from coming out over a longer period of time. I think it's somewhat akin to a transgender person who feels "less than" when they are hindered by society or even their own self, from living their lives as their true selves. You're feeling certain things right now and, in essence, these feelings are reflective in the true self you are right now. Your true self doesn't want to be hidden. Evidently, you're not able to keep it hidden. This has costs, as you've found out. I can't go further because I have no idea regarding how to go about fixing another's woes. I can't even fix mine. I think there's some kind of an old adage about healing thyself first, or something like that.

 

[its-about-time]

Unless you're a sociopath of some sort, I think it would be hard to keep your current feelings from coming out over a longer period of time. I think it's somewhat akin to a transgender person who feels "less than" when they are hindered by society or even their own self, from living their lives as their true selves. You're feeling certain things right now and, in essence, these feelings are reflective in the true self you are right now. Your true self doesn't want to be hidden. Evidently, you're not able to keep it hidden. This has costs, as you've found out. I can't go further because I have no idea regarding how to go about fixing another's woes. I can't even fix mine. I think there's some kind of an old adage about healing thyself first, or something like that.

I get what you're saying. I've felt this way for a long time and I've tried desperately to "fix" it to no avail. Leaning on others emotionally has been helpful in ways but disastrous in other important ways, so I stopped leaning on others. That choice has felt better in ways but, again, disastrous in others. Lose-lose, basically. I'm done trying to fix myself anymore. I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I feel so dang lonely but reaching out for help hurts others more than it helps me, and makes me feel that much more pathetic. There's no answer. I appreciate you not pretending to have one. Maybe there doesn't need to be an answer, for me sometimes just commiserating with others on how fucked this all is is helpful.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

One of the problems with that, is you have to have the right people to lean on. You know, everyone has their own internal, personal problems and demons that they are dealing with, too, even if they don't rise to the level of what you're dealing with. Not leaning on someone is definitely a self-sacrifice for you.

I remember an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (the series, not the movie) in which there's a student named Johnathon, I think, who himself is dealing with a bunch of issues, the biggest of which is being ostracized by his fellow classmates. In this episode, to tie it all together, Buffy, accidentally acquires the ability to "hear" other people's thoughts in her own mind, and she begins hearing someone thinking about "killing". The message is a little misconstrued, getting mixed up with, yet, another "killing' message from another person's mind. And so Buffy thinks that this first someone is meaning to kill a bunch of students, when, in fact, it is found out at the end, that he (Johnathon) is only meaning to kill himself. In the end when Buffy finds Johnathon with the aim of stopping him from killing a bunch of students, at the top of the school's clock tower, a conversation she has with Johnathon highlights the reality of everyone having issues to deal with and, unfortunately, paying very little attention to everyone else's problems, not even noticing people's problems in most cases. She goes on to find the real person who is actually wanting to kill a bunch of students, the lunch lady, and stops her.

I've found in life that sometimes there are answers, but they're all bad answers. Commiserating with others can help somewhat. That's part of human nature ingrained in us, I think. There's a comfort in knowing that there are others in the same quicksand as we. It's a bit twisted, but it is what it is.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I just feel really fucking pathetic and unlovable. The cover of the book makes it look interesting then when they read it it's not even worth finishing halfway. I loathe myself. I wish everyone I love had never met me. There's my stupid rant today. Fuck me, fuck this existence, fuck emotions, whatever.

All books are not for all people. Some of the most popular books are insipid and vacuous garbage that only appeal to those without working brains. I'd suggest that maybe you just haven't found your readership yet.

 

[its-about-time]

One of the problems with that, is you have to have the right people to lean on. You know, everyone has their own internal, personal problems and demons that they are dealing with, too, even if they don't rise to the level of what you're dealing with. Not leaning on someone is definitely a self-sacrifice for you.

I remember an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (the series, not the movie) in which there's a student named Johnathon, I think, who himself is dealing with a bunch of issues, the biggest of which is being ostracized by his fellow classmates. In this episode, to tie it all together, Buffy, accidentally acquires the ability to "hear" other people's thoughts in her own mind, and she begins hearing someone thinking about "killing". The message is a little misconstrued, getting mixed up with, yet, another "killing' message from another person's mind. And so Buffy thinks that this first someone is meaning to kill a bunch of students, when, in fact, it is found out at the end, that he (Johnathon) is only meaning to kill himself. In the end when Buffy finds Johnathon with the aim of stopping him from killing a bunch of students, at the top of the school's clock tower, a conversation she has with Johnathon highlights the reality of everyone having issues to deal with and, unfortunately, paying very little attention to everyone else's problems, not even noticing people's problems in most cases. She goes on to find the real person who is actually wanting to kill a bunch of students, the lunch lady, and stops her.

I've found in life that sometimes there are answers, but they're all bad answers. Commiserating with others can help somewhat. That's part of human nature ingrained in us, I think. There's a comfort in knowing that there are others in the same quicksand as we. It's a bit twisted, but it is what it is.

Damn, that sounds like a heavy episode. My closest relationship is someone who struggles to remain bright because of her own demons. I quickly drag her down. She's better off with me not sharing. Unfortunately she's also all I really have.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Man, all the Buffy episodes had built-in lessons of some sort. It was a heavy episode. It's one of my favorite shows of all time. And I'm an old fart at 56 (now). I don't know, to be honest, I probably got into it because of all the hot chicks in the show. But, it grew on me. Felt like a perv a little. But, all of the actors playing the high school characters were over 18. One was even 28 (Cordelia). I was broken up when the syndication stopped.

Yeah, that's a tough one when your closest relationship isn't really emotionally available to help you. And vice-versa I suppose, too.

 

[its-about-time]

Man, all the Buffy episodes had built-in lessons of some sort. It was a heavy episode. It's one of my favorite shows of all time. And I'm an old fart at 56 (now). I don't know, to be honest, I probably got into it because of all the hot chicks in the show. But, it grew on me. Felt like a perv a little. But, all of the actors playing the high school characters were over 18. One was even 28 (Cordelia). I was broken up when the syndication stopped.

Yeah, that's a tough one when your closest relationship isn't really emotionally available to help you. And vice-versa I suppose, too.

I've known people who loved the show but I never watched an episode myself. And thanks you're spot on, incompatibilities with emotional availability sucks. And I'm so stupid needy that pretty much nobody can handle me. It's my fault nobody else's. Can't seem to change though.

 

[lyles]

I am sorry you are feeling all this. I know that we are strangers who have never really spoken, but I often see your responses here and I really enjoy your input. I like hearing from you and it is often those comments you make that resonate with me. I don't think "enjoy" is the exact feeling or word I am going for here, but I do feel a lot of respect for you even just as a fellow person navigating things who happened to crossroads on this little site!

I know it may seem superficial, or something along those lines, but you have genuinely made a difference in a lot of my days. I was getting dragged into a spiral before I came on here, then I saw you posted, and I got to think about the fact that I am really grateful I am alive to at least hear your thoughts and experiences. I think that it's meaningful, though that may be off base or silly! This is all a pretty roundabout way of saying I admire your contributions and as much as I am deeply and genuinely sorry for the despair you have been feeling, I am glad to get to listen to your thoughts. I am sending you the best of wishes.

 

[its-about-time]

I am sorry you are feeling all this. I know that we are strangers who have never really spoken, but I often see your responses here and I really enjoy your input. I like hearing from you and it is often those comments you make that resonate with me. I don't think "enjoy" is the exact feeling or word I am going for here, but I do feel a lot of respect for you even just as a fellow person navigating things who happened to crossroads on this little site!

I know it may seem superficial, or something along those lines, but you have genuinely made a difference in a lot of my days. I was getting dragged into a spiral before I came on here, then I saw you posted, and I got to think about the fact that I am really grateful I am alive to at least hear your thoughts and experiences. I think that it's meaningful, though that may be off base or silly! This is all a pretty roundabout way of saying I admire your contributions and as much as I am deeply and genuinely sorry for the despair you have been feeling, I am glad to get to listen to your thoughts. I am sending you the best of wishes.

Wow, I really appreciate you saying all that That's very kind of you. Thank you