Discussion I can't wait to make my own goodbye thread :)

[thisIsNotEnough]

For a little while seeing goodbye threads made me feel sad and I tried to avoid them as much as possible. But now I read them and I feel happy that someone is ending their suffering and look forward to the day I'll be able to do that and make my own post here. I honestly feel really jealous of people who are able to plan and act on it when I struggle to so much. Is this just me?

 

[U. A.]

I am not at all jealous of anyone whose suffering has become so utterly unbearable that they feel there is no other option than to cause themselves to die.

 

[kuroshimi]

I still have a feeling that everything will work out, but each time it gets weaker. Probably that's why I am struggling with this.

Also, want to leave at least something behind before I go.

 

[_Vasa&Me_]

I am not at all jealous of anyone whose suffering has become so utterly unbearable that they feel there is no other option than to cause themselves to die.

This.

While I think their choice should be respected and acknowledged, understanding that they had to suffer so much to get to that point is not something I personally see as praiseworthy or to be jealous about. I don't see someone being excited for it to eventually happen to them as a thing that makes me excited either.

 

[monetpompo]

While I think their choice should be respected and acknowledged, understanding that they had to suffer so much to get to that point is not something I personally see as praiseworthy or to be jealous about.

being so full of anguish and determined to end things is probably the most depressing thing about suicide, rather than the death itself. goodbye threads are focused on saying goodbye and offering the poster comfort, but it can be easy to forget that people only go through with an attempt if they can't bear to see another day. while i feel jealous of people that have what they need for their method so that they aren't in the deliberation phase anymore, i can't feel jealous of a dead person. it still saddens me every time someone posts a goodbye thread and doesn't come back, even if coming back would usually lead to an involuntary hold in the hospital or intense shame.

personally, i don't think that i'll be able to post a goodbye thread because i'm incredibly anxious about backing down from my attempt and having to tell everyone i didn't do it. i figure that i'll just let my account go dark once i find a day to do it.

 

[thisIsNotEnough]

I am not at all jealous of anyone whose suffering has become so utterly unbearable that they feel there is no other option than to cause themselves to die.

I didn't at all mean to imply that I'm jealous of the suffering that leads people to make that choice for themselves and I'm really sorry it came across that way.

I'm just at a place where that is my only way out too. I don't like it for myself and I don't like that others get to that point. But I also don't want anyone to suffer any longer than they can bear, and that's why I feel that jealousy towards those who attempt and succeed. I want my suffering to be at an end too, right now, and it's not, so I end up jealous of people for whom it is at an end while I'm still figuring out how to bring my life to an end.

while i feel jealous of people that have what they need for their method so that they aren't in the deliberation phase anymore, i can't feel jealous of a dead person. it still saddens me every time someone posts a goodbye thread and doesn't come back, even if coming back would usually lead to an involuntary hold in the hospital or intense shame.

I do still feel sad for them, yes. That's the dominant feeling. My hope would be for everyone here to recover and live happy lives and I'd be happy to see someone move on from here as they recover.

Maybe I shouldn't have shared this feeling, I'm sorry

 

[U. A.]

I didn't at all mean to imply that I'm jealous of the suffering that leads people to make that choice for themselves and I'm really sorry it came across that way.

I'm just at a place where that is my only way out too. I don't like it for myself and I don't like that others get to that point. But I also don't want anyone to suffer any longer than they can bear, and that's why I feel that jealousy towards those who attempt and succeed. I want my suffering to be at an end too, right now, and it's not, so I end up jealous of people for whom it is at an end while I'm still figuring out how to bring my life to an end.


I do still feel sad for them, yes. That's the dominant feeling. My hope would be for everyone here to recover and live happy lives and I'd be happy to see someone move on from here as they recover.

Maybe I shouldn't have shared this feeling, I'm sorry

It's clear from this that you are not a monster and imo this website is a fucked up echo chamber that reinforces a lot of harmful views of life and death. Your original sentiment has been expressed before, and the opinions that followed speak for themselves. It's not normal; as you yourself say, your "hope would be for everyone here to recover and live happy lives".

The problem is most people use the forum to just vent or externalise fleeting thoughts, but to all the others observing, all of these coalesce into an immutable torrent of "death is good and the only answer". It's insidious and despicable at once.