Venting I can’t wait to die

[Pisceslilith]

I know we've heard it all before, but I can't wait to finally end it. It's gives me a tiny bit of relief that I will definitely end it one day. Living is excruciating and extremely annoying to me. Existing takes away a lot of non existent energy that I already don't have. I lack the motivation to do anything. Nothing brings me joy, I listen to music here and there and I feel a little bit of something but it's never enough until I find the next song and then I feel a little bit of something and the cycle is on going, like I said it's never enough. Nothing is enough to make me stay here not even the possibility of finding new good music. Everything feels like a chore that I am forced to do. I don't want to interact anyone, I don't want to work or do school work, I barely want to eat, I only eat to cope or just don't eat at all. Even talking takes a lot of energy away from me. I feel so incompetent and out of place. I hate that I exist, I hate I am here against my will. I am genuinely embarrassed of my existence. I hate myself and I don't want to be here. Even cutting feels useless sometimes I think of doing it again and then I remember what's the fucking point? it does absolutely nothing for me. I really wish we could've consented to our birth, given previews of how life is like. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And then we can make the decision if we want to be born or not. Even if I was shown only "good" things I still wouldn't want to come to this place. It doesn't matter how good my life miraculously gets, I still wouldn't want to come to this shithole. I don't understand how people willingly want to live, how do they stay in their delusional bubbles and ignore the chaotic world. How could you willingly want to stay in a world where there's constantly rape, murders, people wanting to hurt others for shits and giggles, climate change, etc… I can't even walk outside my neighbourhood peacefully without worrying about traffickers, they just kidnapped a fucking 9 year old girl. Plus I had a grown ass man come up to me trying to tell me about a "job" that he has for me and I wasn't even thinking straight until I realized months later I could've possibly be trafficked. And nobody gives a fuck, most people just pass by it thinking "oh there's nothing we can do about it anyways so let me just ignore it and keep living in my delusional bubble" or "it doesn't affect me, so why should I care?". This world is sick and knowing what people know they all still selfishly have kids, hoping and praying to sky daddy their precious baby isn't one of the victims. I fucking hate it here. I hate that this decision was made for me and I wasted so many useless years on this planet. Although I feel trapped here and I feel so suffocated right now, at the same time I know this is only temporary. I will say my goodbye to you guys very soon and I will finally be free from this hell.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I can relate to the fear of the neighborhood. I don't fear to be trafficked since I'm a grown man and they not looking for those, but I live in one of the most violent cities of the world. Death itself doesn't worry me, it might actually be good for me, but there are worse fates than death. I could get shot in my spine and be paralyzed forever, or in the head and survive with a brain damage, just as a very famous actor here were, years ago.

Some people really live happy lives, as strange as this might sound, it's possible, if life is kind. which is not, for us at least.

I might be wrong, but I assume you're young. Feeling like this when you're young is really tragic. The "Normie", if you don't have any illness, would be feeling very optimistic about the future. Sometimes even when we're depressed, we can still be optimistic about the future. And yet for some of us, hope is simply shattered so often, that leaves us completely pessimistic about the future and with good reason.

Whatever path you may take from here, know that we are here to help.

I hope you find peace, in whatever path you choose.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

It's hard to read your terror without breaks in paragraph. If it'e truly intolerable I hope you can just go.

 

[pole]

that excitement and joy of just leaving this shitty world feels good.

even better is when you have your method in hand and you know that you can leave anytime.

this worlds trash. people are shitty and not worth living for. like yourself, i can't wait to be gone.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

that excitement and joy of just leaving this shitty world feels good.

even better is when you have your method in hand and you know that you can leave anytime.

this worlds trash. people are shitty and not worth living for. like yourself, i can't wait to be gone.

Yesterday I thought I was having a heartattack and I was overwhelmed with excitement and relief. I cant wait for the day I have my euthanasia / SN ready and can go whenever i like. Fuck this universe.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot wait to leave this world too. For me, death is the only thing I have to look forward too. I see life as a cruel terrible thing. Life scares me as there is unlimited potential for suffering. We were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.