I can’t wait another day

[goodoldnoname923]

I can't wait any fucking longer i just cant i've been contemplating these last couple of days wether i should do it or not because of all the psychical and emotional pain i'm feeling all the anxiety and panic attacks i've had among many other things I can't fucking do it anymore

I wanted to make sure i was ready when doing CO but honestly i have a method that may work just as effectively as i've had it closely work before and i want to do it tonight

I just need someone to be there for me,just someone as comfort and support…i'm just afraid of dying alone and just need someone in my ear thats it someone to comfort me thats all i need and i can then leave this miserable existence

 

[Blueth]

Many people feel at some point that they don't want to do it alone. And that includes me. However, this brings with it many negative possibilities.
A simple, just a simple pill would make everything better.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Many people feel at some point that they don't want to do it alone. And that includes me. However, this brings with it many negative possibilities.
A simple, just a simple pill would make everything better.

Honestly if i can find someone who can be there for me i'll genuinely do it tonight these past few days have been hell for me constant thoughts feelings of guilt resentment anger hatred anxiety depression panic attacks twitches tighten chest you name it i've fucking had it spriling so on and forth its too much

 

[Blueth]

Honestly if i can find someone who can be there for me i'll genuinely do it tonight these past few days have been hell for me constant thoughts feelings of guilt resentment anger hatred anxiety depression panic attacks twitches tighten chest you name it i've fucking had it spriling so on and forth its too much

Before I found this place, I wanted to die with someone who really wanted to die. Because I didn't know what to do. And I still don't know what to do. The only thing I thought at that moment was that if I wasn't alone, the method wouldn't matter.

I don't like how the body reacts to thoughts. I especially hate the constantly decreasing and accelerating rhythm of the heart, the feeling of being stuck in something and not being able to escape, and the feeling of heavy chest.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Before I found this place, I wanted to die with someone who really wanted to die. Because I didn't know what to do. And I still don't know what to do. The only thing I thought at that moment was that if I wasn't alone, the method wouldn't matter.

I don't like how the body reacts to thoughts. I especially hate the constantly decreasing and accelerating rhythm of the heart, the feeling of being stuck in something and not being able to escape, and the feeling of heavy chest.

I don't even need someone psychically with me,heck i don't even need them to die i just want company in my last moments some one to bare the torch sorta speak thats all and then i know i can go.

Having someone else to focus on takes away from focusing on my decaying body as i slowly fall into unconsciousness and ignore the potential alarm bells my body is setting off nullifying my SI

However my body reacts to death will be much less traumatic to how it reacts to the events i've been dealing with these last few months its been a genuine living hell for me and I can't find pleasure enjoyment or anything postive in anything anymore

 

[ClimbingCranes]

Would you like to talk about anything? I'm all ears

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Would you like to talk about anything? I'm all ears

I mean i could but i've talked about my issues plenty and it really doesn't change anything. As i said in my original post I'm genuinely just looking for someone to be there as a pass to ease my mind basically and focus on something else as it happens ya'know?

 

[Blueth]

I don't even need someone psychically with me,heck i don't even need them to die i just want company in my last moments some one to bare the torch sorta speak thats all and then i know i can go.

Having someone else to focus on takes away from focusing on my decaying body as i slowly fall into unconsciousness and ignore the potential alarm bells my body is setting off nullifying my SI

However my body reacts to death will be much less traumatic to how it reacts to the events i've been dealing with these last few months its been a genuine living hell for me and I can't find pleasure enjoyment or anything postive in anything anymore

I don't know if it would be possible to find someone online to accompany you in achieving this. But I can't deny the relief it will offer.
Maybe someone else who wants to end with the same method at the same time can think of this.

But even at that point, it seems unlikely because of the possibility that someone could fail and the other person would be identified during the post-event investigation.

Reaching the end is much more difficult than existing. And as if everything else wasn't enough, it hurts so much when this happens.

 

[ClimbingCranes]

I mean i could but i've talked about my issues plenty and it really doesn't change anything. As i said in my original post I'm genuinely just looking for someone to be there as a pass to ease my mind basically and focus on something else as it happens ya'know?

Yeah I get that completely. Talking about your issues just never changes anything, even tho therapists and people around us says it does, but I guess deep down we all know it won't ever get better, some learn to live with it and some don't which leads to unaliving themselves. When you say you're looking for someone to be there as a pass to ease your mind, are you talking about in person or just online? But yeah I completely get where you're coming from. I'm always a message away.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Yeah I get that completely. Talking about your issues just never changes anything, even tho therapists and people around us says it does, but I guess deep down we all know it won't ever get better, some learn to live with it and some don't which leads to unaliving themselves. When you say you're looking for someone to be there as a pass to ease your mind, are you talking about in person or just online? But yeah I completely get where you're coming from. I'm always a message away.

I mean either but in the context of this post (and timeframe) just someone online over call really as i said before it would give me ease to have someone else to focus on

I've tried putting videos on in the background as noise to aid but given there is that lack of interaction it offers just that background noise

 

[ClimbingCranes]

I mean either but in the context of this post (and timeframe) just someone online over call really as i said before it would give me ease to have someone else to focus on

I've tried putting videos on in the background as noise to aid but given there is that lack of interaction it offers just that background noise

Oh yeah, I get you now. There are people out there I guess it's just finding them right? Background noise can easily get boring and become so unhelpful.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Oh yeah, I get you now. There are people out there I guess it's just finding them right? Background noise can easily get boring and become so unhelpful.

Yea I imagine people are out there especially on this forum its just hard to ask for them or look specifically ive made a few threads like this now to no real success

 

[ClimbingCranes]

Yea I imagine people are out there especially on this forum its just hard to ask for them or look specifically ive made a few threads like this now to no real success

I can try be that person if you like

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I can try be that person if you like

Yes i would love that dearly ^^ genuinely i appreciate it massively

 

[ClimbingCranes]

Yes i would love that dearly ^^ genuinely i appreciate it massively

 

[RushedJudgement]

This hits close to home, the feeling of being so desperate to finally have it done but still experiencing SI because your mind is scared of it.

I'm sorry to hear you have to feel this way, and I hope that whatever ends up happening, it'll somehow solve the situation, one way or another. Wishing you the best.

 

[fleetingnight]

I'm glad to see you found someone to talk to, best of luck with everything<3