I just can't find the energy to finish anything I start. I am failing at work and I know that I'm gonna be fired soon. I thought that I had a bright future when I entered college but, ten years later, I haven't finished my studies and I have ended up as a failure. I had a perfect relationship but I managed to fuck up that too. My family is a mess and I feel like a strenger in the very house I was raised on (of course, I still live with my parents). And I'm perfectly aware that a lot of people have it worse, and they have fought through it or at least tried it. This must be the depressing story nº57389567384, and not even one worth telling outloud.
But I can't fight this. And I can't end it neither. I can't find the will to do what I want to do, and I trick myself into thinking that I stay here for some people that, in the long run, would be better without me. But the truth is that I'm afraid of death. Because I know that, when I'll be leaving for good, one way or another, all the remorse and regret is going to kick like HELL. But that is something I'm just delaying. I know for a fact that I'm gonna die crying and begging like the sorry, spineless being I am inside.
I just wish that I was born dead, like I was supposed to (umbilical cord around the neck and all that).
But I can't fight this. And I can't end it neither. I can't find the will to do what I want to do, and I trick myself into thinking that I stay here for some people that, in the long run, would be better without me. But the truth is that I'm afraid of death. Because I know that, when I'll be leaving for good, one way or another, all the remorse and regret is going to kick like HELL. But that is something I'm just delaying. I know for a fact that I'm gonna die crying and begging like the sorry, spineless being I am inside.
I just wish that I was born dead, like I was supposed to (umbilical cord around the neck and all that).
