woofwag
Bad dog
- Sep 17, 2025
- 62
TW CSA, cops
I have no one irl right now I can discuss this with so ig I'm posting this on here.
I'm pretty sure my dad raped me as a kid. I already know he abused me, that much is clear in my memory. But I have these flashbacks where I feel it. And his face pops up, but it's not like I see it in my actual memory because I think I was too young to even form memories. There's a lot of reasons I suspect it was him that I won't get into, but my friends and therapist agree too.
When I first discovered it was most likely him, I basically went into psychosis. I believed my friends had been replaced by robots, that I was being monitored 24/7, all tech was watching me, cars following me, etc etc. I remember going over a friend's place and hiding under their bed with their shoes at one point because I was so scared. In my head, somehow me discovering what had happened meant the government knew (he's a cop), and he would kill me for having evidence that he did something. Well now I don't fucking care. Let them kill me.
I have DID because of the shit that was done to me, but for over now a year a good 80% of my system has been AWOL. The people who I've talked to almost 24/7 my whole life, relied on to switch out when I couldn't handle something, calmed me down, stopped me from CBT many times, left me without so much as a goodbye. It's likely due to needing to deal with trauma holders in the inner world exploding because of discovering this stuff, but funny thing about that is that many trauma holders were still harassing me all the time anyway!!! Telling me to kms, bullying me and hurting me in headspace, just horrible shit all the time I got no break from. Eventually I snapped and blew up on them and forced everyone away. Now it really is just me, the host.
I'm so mad at them for abandoning me. I already have abandonment issues due to trauma/BPD. Now my own fucking brain has abandoned me. Some of my best friends just up and left me when I needed them most. I'm so fucking mad at them for leaving me. I can't do this shit on my own anymore. I was hopeful about them coming back for months. I trusted them. I actually fucking trusted people. And look where that got me.
Fuck that fucking piece of shit for how he destroyed me like this. I could've been a writer. I write well, but now I can't do anything because of this fucking trauma. I hope he kills himself and I hope it hurts. If I didn't know any better, I'd try to take him with me. But I know he'd get me first before I had the chance. He has training with that shit anyway.
Fucking piece of shit cop. I hope all cops kill themself and get tortured in the most brutal possible ways, I hope they burn in hell for an eternity even though I don't believe in hell, I hope they spend every waking second in pain and their every dream a nightmare, I hope they have everything ripped away from them, I hope they starve and their eyes recede into their skulls and their flesh rots away and sloughs off, and their bones grow so brittle they bend and flake away, I hope all the worst pain and suffering onto them. I can't scream because I can't wake up or disturb my roomies. So here's me screaming at my father:
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU KILL YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU VIOLATED ME, YOU ABUSED ME AND YOU DESERVE TO DIE, I HOPE YOU WATCH YOUR NEW WIFE GET MURDERED IN FRONT OF YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR TOENAILS AND FINGERNAILS RIPPED OFF AND YOUR EYES GOUGED OUT, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BITCH PIG ASS MOTHERFUCKER WITH YOUR BEER GUT ROLLING OUT OVER YOUR BELT, FUCKING BITCH SHAVING YOUR HAIR YOUR WHOLE LIFE BECAUSE YOUR HAIRLINE IS RECEDING SO FAR BACK YOU GONNA HAVE A BEARD ON YOUR BACK YOU BITCH ASS BUTTERBALL LOOKING WASTE OF FLESH, KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING PIGGY YOU GROSS BUD LITE GUZZLER, YOU'RE SO FUCKING PATHETIC YOU CAN'T EVEN GET DRUNK OFF OF REAL ALCOHOL YOU WHINY FUCKING CUNT, YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE TRIED TO AI GENERATE A WALKING BUTTHOLE YOU UNCANNY AMORPHOUS TRASHBAG MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE, FUCKING PEDO WHO GETS OFF TO LITTLE KIDS AND GETS OFF TO HITTING THEM YOU FUCKING SHITBAG, UNFUNNY PIECE OF SHIT, THE ONLY FUNNY THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO IS KILL YOURSELF YOU MOTHERFUCKING RAPIST COP, KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!
Anyway. I hate him. In case that wasn't blatantly obvious. Also don't bother replying if you're going to try to defend cops, I don't want to fucking hear it. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired. I want to die so bad.
I have no one irl right now I can discuss this with so ig I'm posting this on here.
I'm pretty sure my dad raped me as a kid. I already know he abused me, that much is clear in my memory. But I have these flashbacks where I feel it. And his face pops up, but it's not like I see it in my actual memory because I think I was too young to even form memories. There's a lot of reasons I suspect it was him that I won't get into, but my friends and therapist agree too.
When I first discovered it was most likely him, I basically went into psychosis. I believed my friends had been replaced by robots, that I was being monitored 24/7, all tech was watching me, cars following me, etc etc. I remember going over a friend's place and hiding under their bed with their shoes at one point because I was so scared. In my head, somehow me discovering what had happened meant the government knew (he's a cop), and he would kill me for having evidence that he did something. Well now I don't fucking care. Let them kill me.
I have DID because of the shit that was done to me, but for over now a year a good 80% of my system has been AWOL. The people who I've talked to almost 24/7 my whole life, relied on to switch out when I couldn't handle something, calmed me down, stopped me from CBT many times, left me without so much as a goodbye. It's likely due to needing to deal with trauma holders in the inner world exploding because of discovering this stuff, but funny thing about that is that many trauma holders were still harassing me all the time anyway!!! Telling me to kms, bullying me and hurting me in headspace, just horrible shit all the time I got no break from. Eventually I snapped and blew up on them and forced everyone away. Now it really is just me, the host.
I'm so mad at them for abandoning me. I already have abandonment issues due to trauma/BPD. Now my own fucking brain has abandoned me. Some of my best friends just up and left me when I needed them most. I'm so fucking mad at them for leaving me. I can't do this shit on my own anymore. I was hopeful about them coming back for months. I trusted them. I actually fucking trusted people. And look where that got me.
Fuck that fucking piece of shit for how he destroyed me like this. I could've been a writer. I write well, but now I can't do anything because of this fucking trauma. I hope he kills himself and I hope it hurts. If I didn't know any better, I'd try to take him with me. But I know he'd get me first before I had the chance. He has training with that shit anyway.
Fucking piece of shit cop. I hope all cops kill themself and get tortured in the most brutal possible ways, I hope they burn in hell for an eternity even though I don't believe in hell, I hope they spend every waking second in pain and their every dream a nightmare, I hope they have everything ripped away from them, I hope they starve and their eyes recede into their skulls and their flesh rots away and sloughs off, and their bones grow so brittle they bend and flake away, I hope all the worst pain and suffering onto them. I can't scream because I can't wake up or disturb my roomies. So here's me screaming at my father:
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU KILL YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU VIOLATED ME, YOU ABUSED ME AND YOU DESERVE TO DIE, I HOPE YOU WATCH YOUR NEW WIFE GET MURDERED IN FRONT OF YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR TOENAILS AND FINGERNAILS RIPPED OFF AND YOUR EYES GOUGED OUT, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BITCH PIG ASS MOTHERFUCKER WITH YOUR BEER GUT ROLLING OUT OVER YOUR BELT, FUCKING BITCH SHAVING YOUR HAIR YOUR WHOLE LIFE BECAUSE YOUR HAIRLINE IS RECEDING SO FAR BACK YOU GONNA HAVE A BEARD ON YOUR BACK YOU BITCH ASS BUTTERBALL LOOKING WASTE OF FLESH, KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING PIGGY YOU GROSS BUD LITE GUZZLER, YOU'RE SO FUCKING PATHETIC YOU CAN'T EVEN GET DRUNK OFF OF REAL ALCOHOL YOU WHINY FUCKING CUNT, YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE TRIED TO AI GENERATE A WALKING BUTTHOLE YOU UNCANNY AMORPHOUS TRASHBAG MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE, FUCKING PEDO WHO GETS OFF TO LITTLE KIDS AND GETS OFF TO HITTING THEM YOU FUCKING SHITBAG, UNFUNNY PIECE OF SHIT, THE ONLY FUNNY THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO IS KILL YOURSELF YOU MOTHERFUCKING RAPIST COP, KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!
Anyway. I hate him. In case that wasn't blatantly obvious. Also don't bother replying if you're going to try to defend cops, I don't want to fucking hear it. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired. I want to die so bad.
