Venting I cant take care of myself and its pathetic.

[Pg.964]

I'm physically able and have a full time job that requires heavy lifting regularly. Despite this, I haven't done laundry is 6 months, I can't cook or clean, I live alone because my entire family is in another country, can't keep friendships because I can't connect with others past a superficial level. In the past I've wanted a relationship again but I always get dumped because I'm a loser with so many mental issues my psychiatrist can't even decide on a solid diagnosis.
I don't want to have to face this reality, I try not to look at my dirty messy apartment, I try not to look in mirrors, I avoid everything. There aren't many more treatments of medications to try, but here's to hoping for a less pathetic future, or a wonderful suicide :)

 

[Daxter_87]

I completely understand, because I can't take care of myself either. One of my family members always criticises me for this, but she has no clue just how hard it is to live with the charming combo of OCD, tics, misophonia, and what have you. In fact, that's one of the reasons I'm going to CTB in the first place, when one or both of my parents die. There's nothing to be ashamed of though - life is not only an imposition, it's also such a bloody burdensome chore that it's no wonder you have trouble getting through your day. As Ever Deeper Honesty says:

Earlier on, I said that: "The body is purely a device/mechanism/system/tactic/method, that is used to trap/enslave/imprison/torture/rape souls, (by creating people)".
-- It should be obvious that this is true, because:

1. The ultimate experiences in life, all transcend the body (and therefore don't need the body).

2. The body is the perfect design, to keep a person in a life of prison/torture/slavery/rape. And, this is at all levels.
-- Ie, even if a person does not desire pleasure, it still has to do many things, just to avoid pain, due to the body needing: clothes, housing, food, water, etc).
-- And, even if you do this in a forest, living in that forest will be a full-time job in itself, (which means that the person is enslaved in that life).

Ie, no matter which way you try to win, you lose, because all people are enslaved/trapped, (due to having bodies), because if they try to stop dealing with all the basic things (eg: clothes, housing, food, water, etc), then the body will experience pain, (which is torture).
-- Ie, the body is a prison/torture/slavery/rape.

Ie, it should be obvious, that if you have to do things all day long, just to avoid pain/suffering, then that is not "life", but slavery.

The key point is, that this life (where a body is needed), is totally unacceptable. (pp 484-485)

 

[Pg.964]

I completely understand, because I can't take care of myself either. One of my family members always criticises me for this, but she has no clue just how hard it is to live with the charming combo of OCD, tics, misophonia, and what have you. In fact, that's one of the reasons I'm going to CTB in the first place, when one or both of my parents die. There's nothing to be ashamed of though - life is not only an imposition, it's also such a bloody burdensome chore that it's no wonder you have trouble getting through your day. As Ever Deeper Honesty says:

Thank you, your message made me feel a bit better about my situation. I'm sorry to hear you can relate. I wish you the best wether that's in life or death. :)

 

[Salmon can't swim]

I get it, I can't remember the last time I actually did laundry. My room filled with dirty clothes, old tissues and it's just generally really disorganised. It gets worse everyday. I close my eyes when I walk past my mirror, and I close my eyes when I walk into my room. My family making fun of me for it isn't really helping either, but I've kind of gotten numb to that.
But yeah, here's to hoping for a less pathetic future, or a wonderful suicide I wish you the best

 

[Pg.964]

My family making fun of me for it isn't really helping either, but I've kind of gotten numb to that.
But yeah, here's to hoping for a less pathetic future, or a wonderful suicide I wish you the best

Your family is extremely wrong for making light of such a serious situation. Sometimes I wish everyone around me suffered in the same way I do. I hope you can get out of there and surround yourself with better people. Your struggle is valid. Cheers :)

 

[divinemistress36]

I completely understand, because I can't take care of myself either. One of my family members always criticises me for this, but she has no clue just how hard it is to live with the charming combo of OCD, tics, misophonia, and what have you. In fact, that's one of the reasons I'm going to CTB in the first place, when one or both of my parents die. There's nothing to be ashamed of though - life is not only an imposition, it's also such a bloody burdensome chore that it's no wonder you have trouble getting through your day. As Ever Deeper Honesty says:

I have misophonia it's horrible

 

[MyLuckyStars]

cooking sucks. if something takes more than ~3 minutes and includes any degree of effort (watching a pot etc) i just say fuck it and skip the meal. in a twisted way it keeps me in shape, because my lifestyle is so sedentary. i dont work out, but i barely eat either so i dont gain weight. my one meal a day is either someones microwaved leftovers or eating out, with occasional peanut or salami snacks

 

[waningmoth]

My ocd means my dad in his 70s is my caretaker, i live alone but even basic things like putting the bins out i cant do by myself and its pathetic because it will lead to hours if not days of ritualistic behaviour including things that i know are harmfull but cant overcome the urge to complete such as using undiluted bleach on my skin (chemical burns and cellulitus suck)
when its eventually his time, we are so co-dependant that i wont be able to function and will die whether by my own hand or not, possibly after Yet another psych ward admission that does nothing but keep me prisioner till they get bored of me 6 months later.

i can fully relate to your original post, sonetines the mind works perfectly fine in soneways but self-preservation isnt one of them

 

[struggles_inc]

cooking sucks. if something takes more than ~3 minutes and includes any degree of effort (watching a pot etc) i just say fuck it and skip the meal. in a twisted way it keeps me in shape, because my lifestyle is so sedentary. i dont work out, but i barely eat either so i dont gain weight. my one meal a day is either someones microwaved leftovers or eating out, with occasional peanut or salami snacks

I relate so hard. I work out but cooking… just can't. Diet is hard not because following it is hard, I just have no energy to cook basically anything.

 

[foreverfalling]

Joining in too. I also basically am looked after by my parents, and plan to CTB when they are gone. I can't imagine living alone. I'd need 2 hours per day just to cook food and wash the dishes. And all the shopping, planning, laundry, bills, cleaning, self care, and on top of that work 8 hours a day? The time just doesn't add up. This world is a sick joke. You aren't pathetic, the world is just a horrible overly complicated place to be in. So burnt out from all the bullshit and insanity.

 

[IWishToDie]

physically able

Meditation by candlelight and mushrooms (not at the same time) would do you some good.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Can u take your laundry to a laundry mat and do it in a bulk like in one session?

 

[Pg.964]

Meditation by candlelight and mushrooms (not at the same time) would do you some good.

Well I've done shrooms, ketamine, and DMT and I wasn't able to find relief in those :( Also I seem to have a ridiculously high tolerance for shrooms?

Can u take your laundry to a laundry mat and do it in a bulk like in one session?

My apartment complex has a laundry facility and it's literally right next to my building. I just have the worst executive dysfunction ever idk I can't do anything and it's driving me crazy I can only do the bare minimum for survival.

 

[Salmon can't swim]

Your family is extremely wrong for making light of such a serious situation. Sometimes I wish everyone around me suffered in the same way I do. I hope you can get out of there and surround yourself with better people. Your struggle is valid. Cheers :)

They don't know better. Any shortcomings of mine are due to laziness. Mental health also isn't really talked about where we come from (it was only after travelling that I realised l'd been SHing and having suicidal thoughts).

They mean well, though. Which is more than I can say for a lot of families on here. I don't feel resentment towards them. I don't feel much of anything towards them anymore to be honest. I think I'm just tired. I'm going ctb in about a week (latest 2 weeks once I get the SN), so while I will be getting out of here, I don't think I'll be surrounding myself with anyone.

But I truly wish you a better future I don't know how the people you're surrounded by are, but I hope you also find better people who you can make meaningful connections with, and remember that you deserve true happiness
Sorry for the long reply, I tend to get carried away

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm very similar to you in that I can hold down a demanding job. I'm not bad with personal hygienne either but my environment is disgusting and I utterly loathe all things domestic.

It's hard to know what it is really. Some weird tolerance for living in such a mess. I can't bear to let other people see it though.